will this be goodbye
by tears will fall
Summary: Bella and Edward have known each other since they were young.... i'll leave the rest for you to discover. tragedy, love, psychos and lots of drama: enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Will this be the last goodbye;

Renee flashback

_We were two mothers in the hospital... I had just had Bella_

"_Wow who's that" Esme's youngest son Edward asked_

"_Her name is Isabella Marie" I replied_

"_She's so small and cute" he then stroked her cheek and her finger grabbed Edward's_

"_I think she likes you" I said_

_Edward smirked that cute smile... It was so contagious even though he was only two._

I remember my mother telling me the first time Edward saw me… I saw the picture of me and Edward in our special tree house. It brought tears to my eyes. I missed Edward so much, I missed him the most I felt broken without him. I had to move to Arizona when I was six because my mother took custody of me. My mother and father were always fighting and I used to cry myself to sleep or I would be at Edward's house to get away from the pain, Esme was like a mother to me. I would always be at their house. I really miss Alice, she was and still is my best friend and sister non blood related. We were both the same age and I remember all the stuff we used to do and surprisingly I miss the game Bella Barbie, I miss all of that. I also miss Emmet and his stupid joking around; he was like a big brother to me. I also miss Rosalie my second best friend; she was a year older than me. It used to be Bella, Rosie and Alice the threesome that were inseparable. Rosie was like my big sister always looking after me; I remember when I was in kindergarden and she was in year one and these girls were being mean to me, she was there always protecting me and ensuring I was safe. I miss her so much it hurts, I cry every night before I sleep. I miss Esme and Carlise they were two loving parents, which cared for me like their own children. I also miss my next door neighbour jasper; he was always calm and quiet and found the best spots to hide from the world. He was so close to me that it still hurts to say his name. but most of all I miss Edward he was the one that stopped me from getting into trouble, he risked his life for me, always putting himself first, I truly miss him and I really appreciate all of these people now, that I have lost them.

Flash back

_Edward and I were walking to school..._

"_Edward slow down your going to fast" I said huffing_

"_Maybe you're too slow" Edward then started tickling me _

"_Please stop, Edward "but it came all out in giggles._

"_EDWARD MASON CULLEN I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT"_

"_I'd like to see that" Emmet laughed with his booming laugh._

"_Shut up and are you gonna help me kick his butt or not" I said all without any breath so it was like shutupandareyougonnahelpmekickhisbuttornot._

"_Hmmm… yes!"_

_And Emmet bolted to catch Edward..._

_I was running to try and catch both of them but I slipped…_

_Rosalie and Alice were right behind me and were screaming_

"_EDWARD, EMMET BELLA FELL, GET YOUR BUTTS HERE NOW, BELLA'S LEG IS BLEEDING AND I THINK SHE BROKE IT"_

_I was crying so much because it hurt too much_

_It a flash Edward was at my rescue and carrying me like I was a bride_

_I was crying and put my face in his chest_

"_B…ella I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to fall"_

_He looked as if he was about to cry._

"_Um... Eddie it doesn't matter you know I always fall, I'm used to it"_

_Alice ran and opened the office screaming and crying because of the situation._

_She ran over to me... crying_

"_Bella are you okay, please be okay I'm really worried I don't want to loose my best friend and sister, talk to me please, are you alive"_

"_Alice I'm fine, it just my leg... thanks for making the situation look a lot worse"_

_She laughed a little "oh Bella your okay, I was scared you were going to die because of loss of blood"_

_She was wiping her tears and calming Rosie down_

"_Guys I'm fine" and as soon as I said that the office lady mrs cope came and wrapped my leg._

_I was crying in Edward's chest again because of the pain_

"_Bella it will be okay", he kept reassuring me this._

Edward was always at the rescue, saving me or reassuring me that everything would be okay. He was like my body guard and protector, the angel from heaven. I miss not having him around. He was there to always comfort and keep me happy. We were best friends, but it was a little more that, it was like a little kids relationship. He was like the prince charming that came to the rescue. I missed the little kids life. There was nothing to worry about, everyone was always caring and protecting me, but now I feel like I look after myself in this crazy, destructive, depressing world. I missed the cullens immensely, if I could only just see them for an hour I'd feel like I'm actually loved. They were the ral ones that cared about me

Flash back

"_ISABELLA MARIE SWAN GET YOURSELF HOME AT ONCE" my mother screamed at the top of her lungs._

_I ran across the road after hugging everyone._

"_Bye Bella" I heard Alice say_

"_What mum" I literally screamed._

"_I need to talk to you, we are moving Wednesday night and you are coming to live with Phil and me, I'll be back Wednesday be ready" I heard my mum say_

"_no I'm not going anywhere, I hate you you're the worst mother ever, you don't care, all you care about is yourself and that stupid baseball player, im not going. I belong her in folks with my real family Charlie and the cullens. Esme is a much better mother than you'll ever be, a leats she lovees me, unlike you.." and I ran away from the house._

_I was running, running through the forest, I had no where to go, I wasn't ready for the cullens yet. I kept falling down._

_I realised that I should go talk to the cullens_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey people**_

_**thankyou so much for the reviews and i hope i get some more**_

_**if you have any questions or ideas just tell me**_

_**i'd love to hear from you all**_

_**thankyou**_

_**maryam**_

_**x  
**_

_I was running, running through the forest, I had no where to go, I wasn't ready for the Cullen's yet. I kept falling down._

_I realised that I should go talk to the Cullens._

_I was knocking on the Cullens door, my hair was filled with rain and mud because of all the times I had fallen, my knees were grazed and my nose was bleeding._

"_Who is it" I heard a familiar, soft voice._

"_Bella" I was crying so my voice was all muffled._

"_Oh my goodness" I think Esme was going to faint when she saw my face, luckily Carlise was right behind her._

"_Bella come on in and tell us what happened" Carlise said in a worried tone._

_Then out of nowhere I saw Alice crying and she ran up to me._

"_OMG Bella, who hurt you, ill get Emmet to kick their ass" she had blood all over her and she was now in hysterics._

_In the corner I saw Edward just shocked._

_Before I knew it I was on the couch and Esme was cleaning my cuts and Carlise was dealing with my bloody nose._

_When they were done cleaning me up, they all sat there waiting for me to talk._

_All at once I just started crying and babbling and I don't think they understood because of all the crying._

"_Bella sweetie slow down, it will be okay your safe now" Esme reassured me._

_Alice was now sitting next to me on the couch, Emmet and Edward were sitting together on another couch in the corner, Esme and Carlise were sitting opposite Alice and me._

_I was still sobbing but not as much as I was before so it was easier, especially that Alice was beside me._

"_When you heard my mum scream my name, she said she wanted to tell me something important. She said were moving and she's coming on Wednesday to collect me. The whole time I was looking at my dad because he looked really depressed and my mum said that I have to move with her and Phil, the baseball guy. I told her that I didn't want to come and that she couldn't make me and I also told her that I hated her and that she was the worst mother ever and that Esme is a better mother and that all of you care more for me than her, all she cares about is her stupid baseball guy."_

"_Darling you know that's not the best way to approach this situation" Esme said concerning._

"_Yeah I know but its true, my mother…" Carlise then stopped me_

"_So how come you have scratches and a bloody nose" asked Carlise_

"_Well when my mother told me what was going on I decided to run away from what was happening. So I ran through the forest, just running to clear my head, and I didn't know who to turn to so I decided I'd come here and tell you all"_

_Alice was now crying, "Bella you can't leave, you're my best friend and sister, we've known each other since we were born, were inseparable"_

_I glanced at Edward and Emmet and they were like stone carvings, just shocked._

"_Guys I'm not gonna go, I'd never leave you guys, you're my family and I love you all"_

_Everyone was shocked._

"_Bella would you like to sleep her tonight" Esme asked._

"_Yes please" and I ran to her hugging her._

"_Thankyou" I said before a tear left my eye. _

_**if you have read all the way down just click the review button**_

_**even if is just to say hi**_

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_**x**_

_**when i get enough reviews ill start the next chapter and im so excited about it:)  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

I remember that night so well, crying myself to sleep. I was so scared and I told everyone that I wouldn't leave them, and here I am thinking about it all, I lied to them. How could of I. I regret it; it was all Renee's fault that I'm like this. When I came to move with her, all I did was yell and scream and sometimes run away.

_Flash back_

"_Excuse me bus driver can you take me to forks pretty please" I asked_

"_err.. Well I cant busses don't drive that far, and little miss where are your parents"_

_I got scared so I ran off in a direction unknown._

_I found a little quiet garden and stayed there and eventually I fell asleep…_

"_Yes that's my little girl" Renee said with tears in her eyes._

_When renee saw me she had a worried look on her face._

"_Isabella why would you do this, you could have got hurt" said my mother almost in tears._

"_mum if you haven't noticed I am already hurt, you took away all the people I loved and sent me to live with you and your baseball guy, who you only care about and send me to a posh school that I don't even like, I think that's hurt enough._

_And tears fell down my face, "how would you like it if the one person you truly loved was pulled away from you, well that's what you did to me"_

_And I remember storming off._

_Phil then grabbed my arm and pulled me into the car._

"_I remember screaming "DON'T you both get it, I hate both of you, you ruined my whole entire life in this world and you made me lie to my best friends"_

"_Well you didn't have to lie to them and say that you wouldn't go with us" Phil said caught in laughter._

_I was so angry that I kicked his chair in the car and we almost had a car crash._

"_Isabella!!!!!!!!!!!!, we could have died"_

"_I would have rather died than live with you both" and then I started laughing_

Wow looking back that was kind of bad, but who would blame me. They took me way from my friends and thought I would be little miss sunshine that goes to a posh school that lives with a baseball player. Even till now I don't forgive my mum. I hardly see my dad because my mum doesn't want me to have a good relationship with the Cullens. I rember going back and telling the cullens and I thought they would hate me, and that was my first summer with them

_Flashback_

_Knock, knock_

"_who is it" answered a familiar voice_

"_Guess who" I replied_

"_Oh my goodness, Bella dear come in"esme said while kissing and hugging me_

_As soon as I looked at the stairs I saw five shocked faces._

"_BELLA" Emmet screamed and gave me a bear hug._

_I looked at Alice and she looked so upset_

"_Everyone I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you and you might not forgive me but I hate it with my mum. When my mum came and dragged me you all knew I didn't want to go. Ever since that day I have been running away, crying or screaming at my mom and we almost had a car crash"_

_I was full of tears " and I know you probably hate me, but what was I meant to do, I'm only eight and I cant do much, because Phil is so strong and I tried coming here the day I left, but the bus driver asked for my parent so I ran to a garden and fell asleep there and then my mom found me"_

"_Bella I've missed you so much, its been so hard to watch out on my little sister, I thought I lost you" Rosalie said crying and hugging me._

_I looked at everyone else, Edward looked pained and his face hurt me the most, Alice was in denial, Emmet was so happy to see me, the same as Rosalie and jasper looked confused._

_My face was tear stained and then all of a sudden Edward spoke up._

"_Bella meet me in the tree house"_

"_Okay" I replied_

_I ran to Alice hugging her and she returned the favour._

"_Oh my Bella, I missed you, it hurt so much, even till now I still cry to sleep wishing you were here" alice said out of breath_

"_I do the same"_

"_Jasper" I hugged him and he hugged me back_

"_Welcome back"_

I felt that everyone welcomed me except for Edward and I got really nervous when I had to go to the tree house. I thought he was going to end the friendship right there.

_Tree house flashback_

_I climbed up the tree house._

_Knock knock_

"_Come in" Edward said firmly._

"_oh Edward I know you probably hate me for all of this and I understand if you never want to speak to me ever again, and this is probably the hardest thing you've ever done so yeah" I said before the tears started to fall._

"_Bella, umm I wanted to tell you that I am sorry" Edward said nervously_

"_Sorry about what" I asked why would he be sorry, sorry for what it was all me, unless he wants to say sorry we can't be friends, no no please no _

"_sorry that I didn't write and that I didn't save you from going with them, I should have been stronger and fought them for you"_

_I laughed a little "Edward you don't need to be sorry we were both six and the time, what were we meant to do"_

"_umm here when you left I bought you something and was going to send but I didn't know where you lived"_

_It was an amethyst on a silver chain._

_Now I would show Edward the surprise._

"_um edward when I left you guys I made a memory box so that I would never forget you.. _

"_Eddie can I come up" a little girl said_

"_NO go away, how many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone I don't like you"_

_And then Edward explained to me who that girl was and I was laughing, he had a little girl always trying to follow him._

I am twelve now and I am so sick of my mother and Phil, its all puppy love and my mother doesn't even know who i am. I have been so depressed since the Cullens; I only linger on the memories. You could say I am depressed…


	4. Chapter 4

PREVIEW CHAPPIE

THANKS TO Mai xxx

Twelve. That's the most stupid age you could ever reach. Twelve means I'm old  
enough to feel the aching of my heart from missing the Cullens. Old enough to  
feel guilty over promising them something I couldn't do. Old enough to miss  
them to death. If I could turn back time I would go back to my days as a six  
year old. A young girl with nothing on her mind but playing with her friends  
and enjoying her sweets. Now I'm a twelve year old who has to deal with the  
loss of my friends, the only real family I've ever had.  
A cell phone ring interrupted my thoughts. I gulped when I read the caller  
ID…….Charlie.

Flashback

"H..Hello…o Daddy?" I croaked.  
"Oh Bella. It's so good to hear your voice. How are you, honey?" Charlie's  
worried voice made my heart beat. It's been too long since I felt that I was  
loved, that someone actually worried about me. I felt my tears run down my  
face, but I fought them out of my voice.  
"I'm fine daddy, j…just doing h……homework" I've never been a very good  
liar but I couldn't let him know the truth. How hurt I really was.  
"Oh sweety, don't lie to me. I know you're not fine. You know you could  
always call me if you need to talk, right?" the sincere concern in his voice  
made me smile trough my tears.  
"Yes" I would keep that for later. I'm not ready to talk. Not yet.  
"Ok, honey. Listen, I was talking to Alice the other day and I was shocked to  
hear how hurt she was. She sent you a lot of letters but why didn't you reply  
Bella? Don't you miss her?"  
"Wait dad, what letters? I didn't get any letters!" I whispered. I felt more  
tears gush down my face. I was shaking and I doubt that I could have stopped  
the sobs so I decided to hung up before he could notice.  
"Sorry, dad I have to go. B…bye" I didn't give him a chance to answer  
before I hung up. The last thing I remember was crying my eyes out till it all  
faded to black.


	5. Chapter 5

What was going on? I couldn't understand. I could see my friends, I could see them standing right there and I could see that they were talking to me. But I just couldn't hear them. I watched as their mouths formed unvoiced words. I strain to hear them or at least run to them but something was holding me back.

"Answer them Bella, you're hurting them" I heard Charlie's broken whisper. I looked around for him but I couldn't find him anywhere.

"I can't hear you. I can't move" I screamed over and over.

But they just kept talking in those unheard words. I could see the words coming out of their lips, like a colorful smoke, but that smoke never reached me. It always stopped at an invisible barrier. I strained to see what that barrier was, until I saw it.

I gasped.

"Mom?" I watched as she collected the colorful smoke, putting it all in a jar and closing it tight.

"Mom? Why are you taking away their words?" I croaked, but mom just smiled and never answered. I watched as my friends started to frown and walk away one by one.

"No, Emmet, Rose, wait!" I screamed but they either didn't hear me or just ignored me. They walked away……

"Alice, please, wait!" I screamed as I watched her tears fill her eyes. She hiccupped and covered her mouth with her hand and……She walked away with Jasper.

I looked at my only last hope. Edward. His eyes held his pain as he tried to call me again.

"I'm here Edward, I just can't hear you" I shouted and my voice broke. She was doing this to me. She was taking their words away.

"Goodbye Bella" I saw Edward mouth as he turned his back on me and……walked away.

"No! You did this!" I shouted at my mother. She just laughed. She took my friends away. She took my life away. She took their voices away. She took the letters…………I gasped……The letters!

And my eyes flew open. I was panting. I looked around me and found myself on the floor of my living room. It was a dream! I wiped the back of my hand against my forehead. Wiping away the sweat.

It was then that the dream sunk in. The unvoiced words were the letters. The smoke that was in the jar was the stolen letters. And mom had the jar. She stole their unvoiced words. The letters!

I was furious! I saw the living room on flames.

"Bella?" I heard her voice. My head snapped up in her direction. She was with _her precious Phil_ at the threshold of the room. "What are you doing on the floor?"

"How could you?" As my body shook as a result of holding back my sobs. "What kind of mother are you?"

Her eyebrows flew up, "excuse me?" she said skeptically.

"How could you do this to me? Hide those letters from me. Wasn't it enough that you took my life away?" I panted. I pushed myself up on my legs but I was too weak. I fell back on the floor. And mom didn't react in any way. I was stupid to expect a reaction, but I just thought that when she sees her daughter on the floor, unable to stand, she would at least _pretend _to be a mother. But she just glared at me.

I, with all my strength, tried to glare back. But I couldn't erase just how hurt I was from the glare. Wasn't she my mother? Wasn't she supposed to be the one to love me? Soothe me? Tell me everything's going to be ok?

As my mother shouldn't she marry someone she's sure that he won't harm her child in any way. She had to make sure that her daughter approved. But, she didn't, so she wasn't a mother. She never loved me, soothed me, or even told me anything's going to be ok, She just always ruined everything. She married that stupid guy who just bosses me around. He even disconnected the Cullen's phone number so I couldn't call them or them me.

I understand that I haven't exactly been the best daughter but they haven't been the best parents either.

"Isabella don't you dare speak to your mother that way. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" He punched his fist against the wall of the threshold.

And I snapped. Who is he to order me? He's just this stupid baseball player that my mom was blind enough to fall in love with.

I felt a frustrated laugh erupt from me and then I shouted, "What mother? I don't have a mother. When a so called _'mother'_ takes her daughters life away, she becomes a disgrace to the word 'mother'".

When a _mother_ lies to her daughter and treats her in the most horrible way ever, she just sinks from the honor of being on the list of motherhood.

When she takes away all your friends and the ones who were like your family, she doesn't deserve to be called _mother_.

If you were in my place would you have been able to call her that? "I DOUBT THAT YOU COULD ANSWER THAT BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN OR EVER WILL BE IN MY PLACE" I exploded in his face. Mom just stared at me wide eyed, and just as I was about to continue, maybe I'd be able to make her _feel anything_. I felt a slap across my face. It was so fast and hard that I couldn't register until a few seconds later.

Phil just slapped me! Who was he to slap me?

"CHILD ABUSER!!!" I screamed as I ran past them to the door. I opened the door of the house and ran out of it.

I could feel the tears welled up in my eyes and the anger bursting through my body.

I was trying to calm myself but as usual my tears blurred the vision and I fell and sank to the ground, next to a tree. I could hear the rustling of the leaves and the cold, fierce wind hit my face.

"Help! Help! This guy is abusing me" I screamed and I saw the neighbor's doors open. Men and women came out quickly to see what was going on.

I felt someone grab my arm, "Come in you stupid kid" Phil shouted.

"No! Help, someone help" I screamed again fighting against his hard grip.

"What's going on here?" I heard a man ask a few feet away. I looked in his direction and repeated my plea for help, he met my eyes and saw the panic in mine, "hey, leave her alone" He shouted at Phil as he came to my rescue.

"Just mind your own business and get back IN YOUR HOUSE!" Phil shouted as he pulled me harder.

"Please" I whispered as I felt Phil winning the tug fight.

"No! If you don't leave her right now I will call 911." The man shouted as he came closer. Phil froze.

I watched as the man came closer. He was a young man maybe in his twenties, and Phil could hurt him easily. But the mention of 911 made him freeze. He only wanted me for child support, so if 911 was involved, the child support would vanish.

"Fine" Phil said stiffly and he pushed me forward and I fell on the floor. "I'll leave her, but don't you ever think of coming back here again" He shouted.

"Don't dream about it" I spat in his face as I rubbed my arm. He gritted his teeth and just turned and slammed the door of the house in my face.

"Are you ok?" I heard the man's kind voice ask as he extended his hand to me to help me up.

"Yes, thank you so much for interfering" I told him gratefully taking his hand and standing up. He smiled at me.

"Don't worry about it. DO you have a place to stay at for the moment?" He asked me worriedly ad he left my hand.

I thought a little. My only home was so far. And I had no idea how to get there. "no" I whispered quietly and bit my lip. I started making plans for sneaking into my room to get the money that I had saved, but that wasn't needed.

"How about you stay with me for a while? Till you find a solution to this?" He offered with a kind smile. I looked into his eyes and found nothing but pure honesty And I could call Charlie to come take me by tomorrow. One night won't hurt.

"Thank you so much. That's really nice of you" I said with a smile.

"No problem. What's your name?"

"I'm Bella" I said and extended my hand to shake his hand this time.

He took it and smiled.

"I'm Andrew smith and I live with my mother, out house is over there"

"Oh thank you so much"

"No worries"


	6. Chapter 6

**Thankyou to Mai and to my beautiful reviewers if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have been able to do this. I am concerned that maybe people aren't reviewing because they don't like it so next time could everyone just say hi or I don't like it so I know where this story is going??? **

**Also I am immensely sorry if I didn't thank any of you for your reviews, they meant a lot to me. Except my life was so hectic so a big thankyou to you guys who have been supporting me with this story**

**I have a poll, please check it out**

**This chapter is mainly dedicated to Mai (my inspiration) but to all who supported me in this… you should check out her stories as well her penname is stephaniemeyewannabe..**

**And here is the waited chapter, however it is quite short ******

I sat there on the couch that was in the living room. Thinking. I don't understand what I have done in life to deserve all the torment and humiliation I have suffered. It kills me to know that I followed Andrew, but I wasn't being stupid. I had a plan and I thought that maybe if I follow Andrew to his house then I could call Charlie and just live with him.

My plan seemed easy. But things are easier said than done. I knew one thing about Andrew that no one did.

He was a psycho!

I planned to bear him for a few hours till Charlie's here. But again, things are easier said than done.

--

_"Thank you for saving me" I told him gratefully as we walked towards his house. I saw him wince suddenly and he held his head in his hands._

_"Mr. Andrew?" I asked concerned as we stopped in front of his house._

_"Ah" he groaned and his fingers dug in his hair._

_"Are you ok?" I whispered frantically. He looked in so much pain and I didn't know what to do._

_Suddenly his hands fell back beside him and his eyes opened. He looked different. Something was different. I didn't know what was it exactly but it frightened me._

_Suddenly his features changed and he glared at me like he was disgusted._

_"Get in you filthy lowlife girl!" he bellowed and I took a shaky step back._

_"M…Mr. Andrew…w?" I croaked. His eyes were on fire and he looked like he was about to kill me._

_Oh no!_

_He couldn't be!_

_But he was._

_I've heard about him before. I knew we had a neighbor who was a psychopath. But I didn't know who that psychopath. Now, I think I have a fairly good guess._

_"Um…I think…I'll just…g…go" I stammered taking another step back._

_"Go? I don't think so" and he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me inside the house. I fell on the floor, my hands preventing the fall. I heard the door shut._

_"Please?" I whispered as I pushed myself back up on my feet. I watched him lock the door and I tried to look for an escape. But found none. The windows were……barred?_

_"You have till dawn to live my dear. Enjoy what's left of you life. And I'd like you to spend these marvelous last hours, on that couch over there. If you move. Well I guess, Dawn would be too far for my liking" He talked while he dragged me to the couch. I gulped_

_--_

So here I am back on the couch. He left a few minutes ago. He was doing something, and I don't know what that something was, in the kitchen.

Aha! I spotted what I needed. A phone.

Slowly, I stretched my arm and caught the phone. I looked at the direction of the threshold, he wasn't there. So I quickly dialed the number.

"Hello?" he answered after the first few rings.

"Dad!" I whispered quickly.

"Oh hi Bells, where…"

"Listen dad, there's no time. Please come and take me now. Our neighbor is a psychopath and he's keeping me in. I can't run away. Please help me" I whispered frantically. Always glancing at the door.

"Do you know the address?" He said quickly.

I filled him in.

"Ok Bella, I'll be right there. Don't do anything rash. Just try to stall as much as you can" He instructed urgently.

"Ok dad" I said just before I hung up because I heard some footsteps.

I pushed the phone back in it's place. And seated myself in my earlier position.

_Please dad, be quick!_


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm thinking of discontinuing this story,**

**Tell me what you think?????**

**I want discontinue if I have people that really want me to continue..**

**Please let me know by the 20th of July…**

**Thankyou;**

**Tears will fall**

**Love you all xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Firstly, I would like to thank all who reviewed, you are all amazing and I would like to thankyou for the encouragement I got in continuing this you motivated and I know its been a long wait. Thankyou to all whom are alerters, but I want to know what you think.**

**Remember the only way to get better is to be honest, but I want you to tell me what's wrong with it not just I hate it.**

**Anyways sorry for the rant):**

**A very special thankyou to mai, you're amazing and no words can describe how wonderful you are in motivating my writing.**

**Now the long awaited chapter**

**Enjoy**

_Tearswillfall __** xox**_

**Previously:**

_"Ok dad" I said just before I hung up because I heard some footsteps._

_I pushed the phone back in its place. And seated myself in my earlier position._

_Please dad, be quick!_

I just noticed the place I was in didn't reflect Andrew at all. Beside me were pictures of his family, these must have been from a while ago I thought. There was one with him and another girl, he had his arm around her waist and she was leaning up looking at his sparkling blue eyes. I suppose this picture must have been when he took her to prom.

She was wearing a long loose bright pink dress with spaghetti straps and he was wearing a tie that matched her dress, they both looked so carefree.

How amazing is it that when time leads on people change. It doesn't matter where we are in life; it's rather the circumstances that take place that may change a person. You know I think maybe he has a disorder like bipolar that changes his moods, I guess it depends on the severity of the illness, maybe he wasn't in a right state of mind when he threw me on the couch or maybe he forgot to take his medication. It could be that I was being completely self centered and didn't think about my actions and just followed him without thinking of the consequences.

The man that was in the picture looked happy…serene…safe…

Completely opposite the man that was with me in the same house at this very moment. The man that was with me now was dangerous…frightening…and no where near safe.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my panicking heart as I heard the footsteps coming closer and closer, I tried to cover myself so that he wouldn't notice me. I felt one hand grab my waist and the other cover my mouth. I could smell the alcohol from his mouth and his sweaty hand was burning my mouth. I thrashed and tried screaming, but my mouth was muffled and he was much stronger than me. He had a built body and by the looks of it he trained daily. All of a sudden I was thrown against the wall and he spat...

"Move from here and your dead, you're lucky you're in my room little princess"

My pulse was wild and my breath was caught. I could feel my eyes fill with tears of both fear and anger. But I held them back, I did not want him to see how weak I was, I had to hold my ground as hard as I could.

I tried to give my best glare, but tears just blurred my vision. I was scared that if I made a sound he would try to abuse me again, so I kept all the pain that I was feeling bottled up.

"Aw, there, there. Don't cry little girl, Didn't your mother teach you not to go with strangers" he chuckled darkly to himself.

With one last pointed glare he then left the room, slamming the door as he whispered.

"If you escape I'll come back for you my little friend" he smiled evilly

_Since when are psychos my friends_, I moaned mentally.

I could feel the bruises across my back and I groaned as I tried to get up. Well it wasn't such a great idea to get up because the room went spinning and my head met the floor. I couldn't remember how long I was out for but I heard a voice right next to my ear. My lids slowly raised and I saw a middle aged woman with a heart shaped faced and long, brown curls with the same piercing blue eyes. I had to turn around, she is probably like him.

"Excuse me, who are you?" she asked softly. Her voice motherly, it made my heart ache.

Nothing came out of my mouth; I just looked at her as if I didn't understand what she was saying. Then I heard a loud yell that busted my ear drums.

"Mum what the hell are you doing in my room, GET OUT NOW!" Andrew screamed with disgust.

I saw her eyes widen and realization lit in them. Her lips tightened and her eyes turned from merely looking at him to glaring.

"Andrew you will not speak to me in that way and you will explain to me right now why a young, innocent girl who is afraid to speak is lying on your floor" She seethed from between her teeth,.

By the look on Andrew's face she seemed intimidating even though he was much more built than her. She looked back at me and put a hand lightly on my shoulder, trying to comfort me I presume, but I couldn't help the wince. She yanked her hand back and her eyes widened. She leaned in a little and saw the bruises on my neck. I heard her gasp as she leaned back and addressed her son in angry shock.

"Andrew Jonathon Wedlock, I cannot believe you, were you abusing this young girl here and don't ignore this one, whether you like it or not you are going to tell me, for I cannot stand the sight that is in front of my eyes" she looked outraged and she slapped him across the face. "Answer me now!" she quietly whispered, clearly disappointed in her son.

"Well...Umm no not exactly, she ran away from her step father and then she came to me and I … you know the rest" he said slightly annoyed.

"No I do not, care to explain?"

"Mum... I left her in the room and that's it"

"He's lying" I whispered.

But as soon as I said that I regretted the words that flew out of my mouth.

"Excuse me dear, could you please repeat that" she pleaded with me, and how could I not she seemed disgusted with her son and she seemed motherly like, unlike Renee.

"He's lying, he told me to come with him and I left my stepfather because he abused me and then I thought he would take me to my father. After that he placed me in the car and when we came here he grabbed me and put me on the couch and then told me to die. Later on he brought me here and threw me across the wall and told me not to move"

I couldn't believe that I let all of this come out of mouth. I started to hyperventilate and I could hear my rapid breathing slowing down. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was...

"I need an ambulance quick".

*****************************************************************

"Carlise, I think she's waking up"

Wait, what Carlise how did I end up in Forks……

I felt my eyelids open rapidly and what I saw amazed me; my father was on my right side holding my hand and my mother was in the corner crying on Phil. Why would she care if anything happened this was all her fault, well technically not but she could have just given me the damn letters or I could have stayed with Charlie.

"Oh Bells honey, are you alright" I could hear the emotion leaking through his throat. Oh how I have missed my loving, caring father, unlike that mother in the corner pretending to grieve the situation.

"Y...ess dad, I'm fine... My ribs are just sore" and then the tears that threatened to spill over, spilt and I hugged Charlie with all my might. Knowing Charlie he has to make an emotional scene turn into humour.

"I see someone missed me" he said chuckling.

"Dad you don't know how much I have missed you and now you're right in front of me, after all this time Dad. I'm… sorry it's just that I haven't seen you in ages and my life is horrible in Phoenix" I made sure that is was directed right at my mother. As soon as she saw me she ran into my arms. But it didn't feel the same, not like a motherly hug like a tense 'I don't know how to react to the situation hug'. I pushed her off with all my strength.

"Bella, Bella….." my mother sobbed on my knee, but I was so angry that I glared at her, she looked distressed as well as hurt from my actions. I looked at Charlie and he looked confused. Renee just sat in the chair next to the window and let the tears slip.

"Mum, just leave please I don't want you here ever, you can go back to Phil cause I don't love you. All you've ever done is caused me pain and trauma and I'm sick of it. I'm going to live with Charlie and that's final" I declared

She was walking out the door in tears, but I caught Phil smirking at me.

"You'll see us sooner than you expect" he chuckled darkly and slammed the door shut behind him.

In the doorway stood Carlise without expression on his face, maybe he was surprised at my actions but I didn't care about that I wanted answers then and there.

"Carlise is is that you?" I asked bemused, I really hoped that I wasn't hallucinating because that would just hurt me more than ever.

"Bella, yes it is me" he replied joyfully.

"Now I need to check how you are is that okay" I nodded.

"Okay, you have bruises all along your ribs and one is fractured so you'll need you to take it easy, but before you leave you have a visitor shall I let her in?" he asked

Before I could even nod I saw the small pixie like girl jump onto my bed and squeeze the life out of me.

"Ohh Bella I've missed you so so much it hurts, nothing is the same without you." I could hear the sadness in her voice as she continued on.

"You probably won't believe me but the family is broken without you. Esme and Carlise are the same holding the family in place but its not the same, I mean Emmet is always Emmet but you know me and Rose feel that there's always something missing and then we cry over how much we miss you" she chuckled lightly and a small smile creeped upon her face.

"Emmet is still the joker; don't know what we would do without him. Jasper is quieter, when you two were together it was like you brought him out of his shyness, but that's changed, he's so shy and sits by himself at lunch." She replied quietly and a lone tear slid down her cheek. If I could get up I would have reached out to comfort her.

"Bella I know why you didn't reply to any of my letters Charlie told me and he told me why you could never call, its okay" she patted my shoulder in reassurance

By this I was in tears, maybe she was just comforting me but with Alice I could hear the honesty and serenity in her voice. The one person she didn't mention was Edward, I was extremely curious, maybe he's happy and that's why she didn't want to say anything. Either way I needed to find out the truth.

"Alice I missed you too that I have no words to describe what it felt like" I whispered shakily as my voice broke and the waterworks started.

"Aww Bells its okay im here now and im not going anywhere"

"Alice, please you can't promise stuff like that to me, because if something happens then all my hope is lost and im broken yet again"

"But... Bella..." I cut her off and hugged her.

It was a long and shaky silence; all you could hear was the breathing and crying of Alice and I, but I had to break the silence I wanted to know what my old best friend Edward was up to, even if it broke my heart seeing him with a new best friend.

"Alice…" she was now just staring out the window.

She took her eyes off from the window and her green eyes pierced into mine.

"Hmmm... yeah"

"You never mentioned anything about Edward"

As soon as I said that she dropped her gaze to the floor and a tear slipped down her cheek. If my ribs didn't hurt so much I would have wrapped my arms around her petite body, now just looking at her appearance she looked quite slim and she looked so fragile. So this what my leaving did to her, ruin her physical appearance and her family what kind of friend ruins their best friends families. After a short while she broke the silence with a shaky voice.

"I hoped you wouldn't have asked about him"


	9. Chapter 9

"Why? " I whispered.

"Bella do you really want to hear about him, it's not a pretty story" her eyes gazed into mine with so much sadness I was debating whether or not to hear it.

"Look Alice if your trying to make me feel better, because Edward has new friends I don't care its not like I own him" I laughed hardheartedly

"Bella that's just it he hasn't got anyone anymore" she replied barely audible for my ears.

"Ally what do you mean" the concern was leaking through my voice.

"Wait Alice I saw you when we were eight and he was ten and everyone was happy"

"Bella, that's because you'd come in the holidays and we spoke often, until… you know the hiding of the letters and stuff"

"Alice, please tell me what happened please" I asked with every fiber in me.

"Bella when you left at the end of the summer, Edward was so happy that you came but it broke him to see you leave, but he kept looking at the book that you made and it reminded him of you so he was okay until… " and then her voice grew shaky.

"I had sent you a letter and two months had passed and you still hadn't replied. I thought maybe you lost that letter or it didn't come. After a while I was talking to my mum and Edward happened to be there and then everything turned cataclysmic when he heard you hadn't replied." She took a deep breath and then looked directly at me with her hazel orbs.

"But Bella I had the hope so I kept writing the letters because it took my mind off things." She glanced out the window and I could hear her profound breathing.

"Bells are you sure you want me to continue" she asked as I had tears staining my cheek.

"You haven't even told me the proper story, you know I'm emotional" I smiled unsteadily

"You do have a right to know so yeah..."

"Well when Edward found out you weren't replying he thought you hated us or you died and Renee and Charlie didn't want to tell us." She took a deep breath out and then continued.

"So from then on he went into a state of denial and Carlise figured out that he had formed a mood disorder, but it wasn't bipolar. Carlise did some research and he found out that he had severe depression, so he tried to get Edward to see a psychiatrist" I gave her a nod to continue with the story.

"But Edward was stubborn and got angry at the guy and told him to never talk about you because you were dead. Carlise made Charlie phone you and say that you're alive, you may not be aware of it but Charlie recorded your voice" I caught her chuckling lightly.

"After he heard your voice he became joyous only for a while, it was like he was hallucinating. When he faced reality and you weren't there anymore" she stopped and the tears flew freely down her face. She let out a sniffle and then continued.

"He started to become really down and Carlise had to make sure that Edward had medication because he wasn't eating properly. He would eat a tiny bit of dinner that Esme made." She smiled at the mention of her mother.

"With the medication he was getter better and I tried talking to him but he ignored me, Emmet then tried and so did Jasper and Rose but he didn't speak to any of us. We tried to get him involved in our activities and stuff but he just shrugged us all off. This is where it gets immensely bad he tried to kill himself Bella..." and then all I heard were the sobs erupting from Alice's shaking form.

"Alice is he dead, please answer me truthfully"

"It depends what you classify as dead"

"Alice" I was starting to get angry at her and I grinded my teeth.

(now I know I skip a part but im thinking of doing alices pov or a third persons where it will be reveled, but you can continue their argument I just don't know how to put it together)

"Usually Edward gets up early and he would take his antidepressants and he would write songs or play the piano to get out of his sadness and so I knocked on the door and told him it was time for school but I heard nothing" I heard Alice gasp as she was reliving the horrid memories.

"So I opened the door and found him wrapped around the sheets and I tried waking him up when I heard no pulse. I freaked out and screamed for Carlise, he got him breathing again and he found the sleeping tablets on the desk. After this Edward had to be monitored properly so we were sharing a room and all was fine"

"Sorry to interrupt but did he say why he tried to kill himself"

"No its fine you want to know and I understand, see me and Edward had a way of communicating because I never pressured him. when we were sharing a room he would always have his face is an art pad and one day I asked him if I could see it and he said yes, so I sat with him on the bed and I looked at his poems and pictures it was all darkly and death, reflecting his personality." She shuddered obviously remembering the content in the note pad.

"I asked him if I could write something and he agreed so I wrote on the pad and then gave it to him and he would answer so we started talking on paper." She half smiled at the happiness she created with her brother, that I so selfishly destroyed.

She let a breath release and then she began to talk again.

"I got the courage to ask him why he tried to kill himself and he answered "_I feel so alone Alice, I know everyone is trying to help, but my best friend hates me so I thought I would give her comfort in dying" _Alice said drawing the words slowly so that stabbed into my heart. I know she didn't mean any of this to hurt me, but it's the reality I deserve as I have shattered my best friend and he no longer can be healed.

"Bella, its not your fault, you were young you couldn't have stopped this" Alice said forcefully.

"Alice if only I tried harder, now Edward never wants to see me after all I've put him through" I let the tears caress my face, knowing that I have caused my best friend to try and kill himself because of me.

"Bella please… I knew I should have never said anything even Emmet told me it would ruin every chance we have of reuniting as a family" she muttered to herself.

"Alice I'm glad you told me but don't you think im hurt that Edward could have died and it was all because of me."

"Bella that's not the point, your going to be all depressed as is Edward and then how am I supposed to mend two broken hearts"

"Ally the whole world is in destruction not everything is going to be happy with lollipops and rainbows"

"Bella wouldn't you think I know that, after all this I know what its like for a family to be broken and it hurts Bella, I had to pull myself together so Edward wouldn't just fall apart, just think about that…" she said brokenly, she looked like a little girl who had witnessed her dogs death.

"Alice you know I didn't mean it like that, but have you thought about what happened in all those years, im not the same Bella, I'm different, I'm broken in different ways physically, emotionally and mentally"

"I'm sorry I didn't think about that" she said nervously.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked inquisitively.

"Yes, but you might look at me different" I said sadly

"Bella my whole family is broken and I don't look at any of them differently"

"Yeah... but they're your family, that's different family stick together, friends come and go"

"Bella I'm here and I'll listen, I will not judge you because the situations you have been placed in have made you stronger, look at me Bella" I glanced quickly at her and then dropped my gaze.

"Bella, would you please look at me" I could hear the plead in her voice.

; I love you like I love Rose, maybe even more shh.. Don't tell" I laughed at Alice trying to make this situation less tense. But when she knows what I've been through I know she'll never want to be friends with me ever again.

Well here goes nothing…


	10. Chapter 10

**hey guys i am so sorry alot of things have been going on lately and i had writers block which was stressing me out as well as exmas and assignments. please forgive me and i am starting next chappie but its not going as i expected so yeah...**

**and huge thanks to Dary , you are my hero. to be honest with you all she is one who inspired me to write with her kind words and reassurance i finished this chapter:)**

** and a special thankyou to me beta mai who gave me feebck on the chappie.**

**some of you may think this is a depressing chapter, but i do promosie things will get better:D**

**love you all and don't forget to review as for the previous chappie i have not so much feedback, just be honest with me it really helps..**

**anyways enjoy**

**tearswillfallxo  
**

With everything going on inside of me I built up the courage to look at Alice and truly tell her what was going on. She had been left in the dark for too long. Now it was my turn to let everything out that I had been holding onto like the remains of a scent that starts to fade. I could feel my self shiver even though it really wasn't that cold and took a couple of deep breaths and then gazed into those hazel orbs and felt the weight being lifted of my shoulders.

I dropped my gaze down to floor and released another shaky breath.

"Alice I suffer from agoraphobia" I said as I felt a tear graze my cheek.

"Bella, I… I … I don't understand" I could hear the fear in her voice.

"Alice it means I suffer from a ph-ob-ia" I said stressing on the word.

"Bella what is this phobia" I see Alice was trying to understand but I wasn't providing much information for her to understand the situation.

"Agoraphobia is when a person fears they might have an anxiety attack and can't be in

Crowds for fear of panic" I could feel the lump in my throat swelling up and I didn't at all feel comfortable with where this situation was going.

"Oh Bells…. But how" Alice hugged me

"Alice, I really don't know… I just started to isolate myself from crowds of people and tried to look invisible and this is where it left me" I said fearfully. I then felt myself erupt into tears and released myself gently from Alice.

"Bella do you want to talk about it" I felt the anxiety of Alice's question lingering in my mouth.

"There's nothing to talk about Alice I am no longer the same carefree child I once was I suffer from other things as well" I murmured

"Bella, please talk to me, please…" she said as her voice broke.

"Alice, no don't cry for me it's not worth it"

"Bella, what do you mean that is not worth it. …you're my best friend and I want to know what happened, I can't stand this my brother and you are having a tough time and you both just leave everyone in the dark. Please Bella if not me just for yourself just release it, you know I wont judge you" she muttered

"I am not afraid of the rejection, but you going to look at me differently with pity and I don't want any of that" I sighed

"If you think that's what I'm going to do I'm not, yes sure I will feel sorry for you but I will never treat you as someone else, Bella believe me when I say this you're no different from me. You may suffer from a phobia but I believe that your no different just hurting in ways and you need to let go of it all" she took her hand in mine

"You'll always be my best friend and I want you to know that I am sorry for pressuring you" she kissed my cheek and slowly walked out the door

"If you need me just call, bye Bella" she mumbled and left the piece of paper on the table.

God Bella how could you be so stupid I thought to myself… you let your best friend just go like that yet again without putting up a fight. But in total honesty I wanted her back by my side, I just couldn't find my voice to tell her that I didn't want her to leave. As I was packing my bags I saw a purple box with diamond hearts covering it making them sparkle in the sunlight. My hands lifted the latch carefully and a beautiful melody flew through the room. Inside was a scrapbook covered with photographs and drawings. I opened the book to the first page and there was a picture of my mother holding me with my hand clutched onto half of Edward's hand. A lone tear slid down my cheek and onto the paper blurring the caption below _"Edward and Bella's first moment"._

Just staring at the picture made me want to cry and hide under the pillow and pretend everything was alright. I flicked through the next page and there was the most beautiful photograph I have ever seen. It was of Edward on the swing and me lying in a scenic meadow. I couldn't take my gaze of the photo, it was so serene and we both looked so carefree as if nothing could harm the two of us in our enchanting world. I really wish that I could go back to my childhood and change everything that happened in the past, I just wish that things could be the same…

_Flashback:_

_Bella five, Edward seven_

_The lush green meadow was bright and almost vibrant with colors you could never imagine. The light, lime, supple grass that I lay under felt as though I was resting on a cloud but it also tickled me. I suppressed a smile and smelt the fresh air of daisies surrounding me, this is pure bliss. I almost forgot that I wasn't by myself I ran my fingers delicately over the flowers and propped myself up on my elbows to watch my best friend Edward Cullen swinging on the swing. He wasn't aware that I was looking at him; he looked so young and blithe swinging back and forth with his emerald eyes glistening in the sun. His bronze, messy hair flopping all over the place, making him look serene. His childlike face depicted that he was still a young child free of worries. He slowly closed his eyes and was singing our __favourite__ song. _

"_Put your faith in what you most believe in two worlds, one family trust your heart" and his soft singing faded, yet I couldn't leave my gaze from him. He opened is eyes and had a huge grin on his face, I could faintly see his dimples. When he saw me just staring at him shock was written all over his face. I felt embarrassed and ashamed at what I had done so I ran behind the oak tree and gripped my knees tightly to try and stop the tears from falling. I could hear Edwards's melodious voice calling my name…_

"_Bells, where are you, I'm not angry with you please come out, please" I heard the urge in his voice, yet I couldn't move myself, afraid of what was going to await me. Bang and he was there sitting next to me, I could feel our bodies touching ever so slightly._

"_Bella, please just look at me" he asked with so much desperation that I would have lifted my face, but I thought he'd think I was a baby so I shook my head._

"_Why Bella, you know I'm not angry, I'm not going to do anything" I could feel him shift slightly and now he was right in front of me. He released my hands from my knees and raised my face so I was directly gazing at him._

"_Now, Belly would you care to tell me what made you cry" he asked curiously_

"_N-ot-thing" I stuttered _

"_Come on Bells, please you know it doesn't bother me that you looked at me singing. In fact I am happy that you were the one listening because you are my bestest friend in the whole world and you will always be" he said grinning from ear to ear._

"_Really, you won't ever want a new best friend that isn't a baby or a girl" I asked nervously looking at the landscape surrounding the two of us._

"_Really really Bells no one will ever replace my spider monkey" he softly chuckled_

Oh how I miss those times where it was just the two us in our carefree world. Stop thinking like that Bella the past is the past and Edward will never want you back after all you have done. Even through all this hardship I try to think about whether Edward and I will ever be friends again. I truly wish that but deep, down inside I know I hurt him too much to even acquaintance with him. As I was packing the box up and placing the last of my clothes in the hospital bag there was faint knock on the door.

"Come in" I replied

In a flash I saw the bronze hair that I thought I'd never see again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, I am so sorry I haven't updated in awhile which is usually me, but I had so many assignments and exams it was crazy…**

**Anyways I would just like to state something for you read this, please don't say the language is not Bella's, she is a bright fourteen year old and on top of that it is to improve my grammar…..**

**I would like to give a huge thank you to my beta Mai, thank you so much for your time and effort I really appreciate it(:**

**And also thanks so much to Dary my best friend, who was there to inspire me and get me through writers block: D**

**Enjoy and don't forget to review and I would like to know what you think as there is always room for improvement…**

**I may not be able to updat for a while because late october to early november i have exams, so i am sorry for the inconvienience...  
**

"Edward…?" I asked meekly, I just hoped that I wasn't dreaming this…

"Uh... Hey" his voice was much hoarser than I remembered, but at the same time it was velvet with a tinge of pain that I dreaded. He ran his hands through his silky, bronze hair.

We were both silent, neither of us knew what to say to the other. The silence was awkward and painful. Painful because I knew I hurt him and I'd hurt him bad. Edward was my closest friend, even Alice and I weren't this close. Seeing his pained eyes as they drank me in, I couldn't stand the silence any longer so I thought we should deal with the crux of the situation.

"Edward… I'm….I'm sorry??" I babbled out with a tear sliding down my cheek

"Bella, why are you apologising, I don't understand?" he asked with confusion.

As I gazed into those piercing green orbs I feebly noticed how many emotions flickered through his eyes pain, regret, sadness and of course solitude. However the emotions inflicted on Edward are inclusively my fault, the thresholds, the anguish, and the disorders. But...as I stared into his eyes I saw an emotion that I surely did not remember seeing before; longing.

"What do you mean Edward…? I have caused you enough pain in your life and truly I do not know why you are here? You should resent me." I whispered shakily. The last sentence cut me though it was true. I turned my back on him, hiding both him and from me. I did not want to see his pain and I did not want him to see mine.

"Bella, please, please don't cry" I heard Edward utter softly. I felt him shift slightly beside me and he placed his hand in mine.

"But Edward, do you understand how much pain I caused you?" I murmured as I pushed my hair to shield myself from Edward's expected hatred.

"Bella, you caused nothing at all. I did that to myself. None of this you can blame on yourself, this is just the way I coped and dealt with the situation. It was...you know...it was hard that's all. But it's all past now." He breathed as he held my shoulders and turned me to face him. I kept my head bowed. "You're here and that's what's important." Edward stated reassuringly while titling my chin so I was directed towards his gaze.

If there was one person that could always make me feel better it was Edward, but this is different I cannot accept what I have pursued as it changed my best friend physically and emotionally. Just glancing at Edward I could see how much he had grown since I was eight. For starters his facial features were more precise in the jaw line and to be honest he is quite handsome, no, handsome is an understatement he is beautiful, but I could never look at him more than a friend that was completely erroneous he was like the older brother I never had. If you took the time to look at Edward you could slightly tell that he was disturbed. He lacks sleep deprivation as his bags under his eyes are enormous and his green eyes completely change depending on his mood. When he has been in my presence in just these last moments his eyes have flickered many shades of green as well as emotions. Looking at his figure he appeared as if he has not eaten properly in a while and we all know who is to blame. Yes! Correct Bella well done. Glimpsing at his hair it was indescribable. It was bronze yet had a red tinge in the sun. I couldn't look into his gaze any longer noticing all the ghastly physically and emotional characteristics. At least I had my hair as a shield; therefore I did not have to look into his eyes that were obviously filled with hatred according to my knowledge.

I almost thought Edward had left but I felt a jolt set off inside of me and my hair was no longer protecting me. I realised Edward had tenderly pushed my hair out of my face and directed his gaze into mine. I guess he was anticipating for an answer because his facial expression was prompting me to verbalise with him some how.

"Edward, I don't understand how you can be immensely selfless. I have ruined your entire life whether it is cognitively or socially. I made a huge impact on your whole family's life and before you say anything I have and I know how you have been transformed. I can comprehend if you never desire to be my friend...anymore" I murmured.

Even though it killed me to say that, I just had to. It broke my heart, but I guess that is what life is about, learning to love and obtaining heartbreaks at the same time. I guess if I reflect on my past Edward has been my only proper best friend (well apart from Alice), but even moving with my mother I never received a laudable friend. Yes sure I hung out with people at school, yet I never made the effort to become close as I didn't need another friendship heart ache. Edward was something else; you can't just be friends with the best then go look for a good friend. Seeing him now I realized how I missed Edward. No, how I _really_ missed him and I could not believe that I just offered him a way out of our friendship. Why couldn't I just be controlling and accept his former words?

"Bella, why won't you listen to me???" Edward stated frustrated.

I could identify the tone in his voice was exasperation and he could not take it any longer, but then his eyes changed dramatically from a light lime green that the grass would be to that of a dark, muddy forest.

"Bella, I am sorry that was unreasonable of me, I should have never spoken in that tone. Believe me I didn't mean to it's just that you are not understanding what I am trying to tell you" he looked intently.

I am positive that he did this to see if I was really listening; it is one of the few qualities he has from his childhood. Oh how I miss those days terribly, way to go Bella just bring the past back to you.

His eyes changed back and I noticed something new, the strange new look, the longing intensified. There was something else behind this.

I cocked my head to the side and whispered,

"What _are _you trying to tell me Edward?"

His eyes left mine and he stared at the top of my head.

"What I am trying to say is that none of this your fault, so stop blaming yourself because I still want to be friends with you, only if you want that of course." He didn't move his eyes from the top of my head. I was positive that there was more so I kept staring at his face, prompting him with my gaze to spill.

He must've understood our old gesture because he groaned as he caught my face between his hands and burned his eyes into mine, throwing at me all the intensity. It made my eyes grow wide and my knees go weak as he admitted, "the truth is, what I'm trying to tell you is that.......I miss you Bella, So much and I won't bear you leaving again. I _need_ us to be friends again."

I was frozen. Never had he been this intense with me. I wasn't complaining, on the contrary, I felt a slight tingle in the pit of my stomach I liked this feeling. I felt my eyes sting with tears because the words that had just came out of his mouth were exactly how I felt. We were one again.

"I want that too." I croaked, blinking fast.

A lovely wide smile broke through his face and his eyes lightened making the tingling inside me increase. I couldn't refrain myself any longer emotions were just exploding inside of myself. With all the fibre in myself I threw myself into his arms. He almost tumbled over from the excitement in me. I held on to his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist not wanting to let this moment cease.

No matter how hard I tried to push myself I could not let go of Edward, I was scared this was one of the times I was dreaming. This was pure bliss and his cologne wasn't helping at all. His scent was so saccharine like honey and roses, yet at the same time exotic and spicy like soap and foliage. Even the sound of his cheerful laugh made me lightheaded.

"Bella you can let go of me I am not going anywhere" Edward stated simply as he stroked my hair.

" I can't move my body is restraining me from letting go" I said like it was the simplest thing.

"Oh, really well I am sure I'll be able to amend that" Edward chuckled frivolously

Before I knew it my body was attached to the floor and Edward was tickling my insides. This was the first time in years that I actually felt free with no burdens weighing me down. I took the chance to just let myself be carefree, forgetting the world's misfortunes and how many people's lives have changed due to my interference. People may think it's weird to be on a hospitable floor with your best friend tickling you, but I didn't care because I have the most important person back in my life after so many years.

"Bella, earth to Bella, may I ask what is consuming your thoughts allowing me to win so easily." Edward's imperturbable breath caressed my face.

"Oh you wouldn't like to know" I said sheepishly.

"I will find out Ms Swan"

I turned around unpacking the last of my bags, when I almost forgot the box. The box with all the memories from my childhood. I know I tried to get away from my past, but how will I ever get over it when just glimpsing at Edward gives it away. This box is basically the key to my heart and mind; it is a part of me and will always be a part of me. I keep changing my mind about everything, but I am gradually learning what I have been trying to overcome. In order to move on I need to reflect on the way I dealt with things in the past. I guess I could blame it on my mother, however then you realise maybe if I stood my ground I would not be in this disarray. I could have lived a jovial, simple life with Charlie my father.

As I stared at the box I lifted my fingers and touched its lid. I smiled a little as I felt Edward shift beside me. I felt his eyes on my face.

"Edward?" I murmured.

"Hmm?"

I met his gaze and gave him a warm smile, "I miss you too"

His smile made my heart flip as he leaned in to whisper in my ear, "I know."

**So what do you think???**

**Review**

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**p.s i would like to know if i have any readers from australia plzzz:)**

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**its called ghastly lover, i wrote it while i had writers block so yeah and plz review i want to know what you think of my poem writing**

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**maryam  
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	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys,**

**I did tell you all that I wasn't going to update for a while.**

**School and life has been hectic so that's my excuse.**

**I'd really appreciate if all of you people review because I took time out of my own study time to write this and after Thursday I will be totally free:D**

**I actually wasn't going to put this up because I am so nervous about it, personally it is an okay chappie but I think that maybe I have ruined the story by this chapter. I don't know and I'm rambling.**

**Sorry, please tell me what you guys think of it???**

**Special thanks to my best friend Dary who supported me throughout this and encouraged me to put this up, this chapter is dedicated to you girl! **

**This is also dedicated to Yara and I think you know why:P**

**Thankyou to Mai who took time out of her busy schedule to look at this for me (:**

**I would also like to thank simplycutebambi, Demented Bunny, Ms. Jessica Cullen and Lishbashbaaaa who review my story every single chapter and if I forgot someone, I am truly sorry):**

**BTW this is all my own work, no Beta so tell me what you guys really think?**

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling today?" Carlise asked indisputably.

"I'm fine, so I really get to go today" I was anticipating this day. I was literally bouncing up and down. If there was one thing I hated it was being kept in a dull room with machines beeping, otherwise known as the hospital.

"Of course Bella, I know how much you hate hospitals" he chuckled and the smile reached his face, it was too communicable to not join in.

"Edward can you take Bella's bags to the car, I would like to talk to her before she goes" Carlise conferred.

"Sure dad" the expression on Edward's face looked that of suspicion. He glanced at me and then walked off slowly. I could tell that Edward wanted to know what was going on; even I did not discern what was happening. My body felt excited yet at the same time nervous. What would Carlise want to talk about?

"I see that you and Edward talked about what happened or coalesced" he questioned

"Not exactly, but that comes at another time. Carlise is there any reason you wanted to talk to me" I hope I did not sound too denoted I was just curious and I couldn't bring the fact of Edward's condition it hurt too much.

"Well, Bella I just wanted to welcome you back to the family I missed my daughter" he uttered. My eyes brimmed with tears.

This was the feeling of being loved, I have always looked up to Carlise as my second father, but him just verbalising that he missed his daughter brought a smile to my face. Never had Renee or Phil once came home and said I missed you or gave me affection.

Carlise looked like he was in good health, not like Alice and Edward. I was afraid as to how I would see the others. Everything about him appeared to be fine, but I could tell there were worries encompassing him. He held himself strong and I conjecture this is because he is the man of the house who must sustain the family's troubles. It dismays me to see everyone like this because of my unregretful acts.

"I missed you too" I whispered shakily. I did not know whether it was appropriate to run up and hug him so I stood my spot.

"Bella it's great to have you back, I feel like my family is complete" with that he hugged me. It was a lovely, heart warming hug and I was joyous that Carlise saw me as family and accepted me after all his family had been through.

Yet this then brought me to question, whether Carlise has forgiven me or is being sympathetic considering I have just come out of the hospital.

"Wait, Carlise you're not angry that I destroyed your family?" I mean who wouldn't be angry at a girl who waltzed out of their lives and caused many problems that cannot be stipulated.

"Bella, you are family and have always been family. When a member leaves it causes problems. Please Bella stop blaming yourself because you are the one that maintains the family's happiness." He verified.

To say that I was happy was an understatement, there were so many emotions instigating in my body. I was thrilled that Alice, Edward and Carlise had forgiven me just like that. But I was shocked this must be a dream. I was expecting so much more I felt refreshed and small fraction of hope, hope that Esme and the others would forgive my deplorable actions.

"Thanks, Carlise" I gave him a hug and went off to see Edward.

Ahhh, just thinking off his name brought this bubbly feeling inside my chest and I embraced it. I liked it; maybe I felt like this because I believed that Edward forgave me or maybe because I had my best friend back. Either way it made me feel secure.

_**Edward nine, Bella Seven:**_

_I was sitting on the swing waiting for Edward to meet me at our secret place. This place was for the two of us, only we knew about it and we decided to meet here every afternoon to escape from everyone. This place was like a massive garden, it had beautiful, blossoms flowing ubiquitously and it was tranquil. It made me feel secure because the flowers surrounded me. There were also two swings and a cubby house. _

_I jumped off the swing and decided to roam for a bit, considering I was by myself and Edward was always protective so now was the time to look around without worried eyes following. I collected an elusive flower that stood out from the rest. It was baby blue with a purple inside it felt so special to hold. The smell allured me; it was like honey and rose. The flower in itself reminded me of a baby because there were small and large petals, the large petals appeared to be the protectors, just like Edward. He always protected me from everything._

_I placed myself on the swing and thought about how Edward was always there for me._

"_Hey" Edward's voice was like bells, it always cosseted me when I was scared._

"_Hello, your late Edward" I whispered._

"_I am sorry Bells but Alice wanted to choose my clothes for me" he smiled lopsidedly._

"_It's okay Edward, I was worried" I smiled genuinely._

"_Bells, is something wrong your concentrating too much and I can see that something is bothering you" he hopped of his swing and bent in front of me._

"_Come on Bells" he urged grasping my hands. It was one of his gestures that made me feel protected._

"_I was just looking at this flower, you see these parts they're the babies that need to be protected right" _

"_Mmm, go on"_

"_Well these big petals protect them and I thought that is what you do. I saw how flowers can be crushed so easily, even the big ones and I got scared that you could get hurt easily. I never want you to get hurt"_

"_Bells, I will never get hurt unless you're not with me"_

I was running out of the hospital, Forks is a small place so it wasn't difficult to spot Edward out. He was placing my things in a small, silver Volvo. I felt like doing something outrageous so whilst Edward was still placing my things I jumped on his back and covered his eyes.

"Whoa, Bella is that you??" Edward asked.

"Yes" I squealed

"Well do you mind taking your hands off my eyes so I can see" he questioned.

"Uhhh... no" I giggled. It truly was the first time I had erupted into giggles since childhood. Edward being here just changed my mood and atmosphere, it's like nothing had changed. With Edward I could be free and express myself how I wanted without fear of judgement. He always let me be myself and act the way I want which is something I missed too much.

"Hmm, well we'll see about that" he chortled. Slowly he released my hands from his eyes and gently liberated my body from his, so I couldn't halt him. Edward closed the boot and looked at me. I was determined to pretend to be irritated with him.

"Mr Cullen, what was that for?" I pouted then ran in the opposite direction.

Puffing and panting I was trying to regain my energy when I felt gentle arms wrap around my waist.

"Ms Swan, why do you always run away from me? You know I'll always catch you?"

"Yeah, but its fun… pretending we are young with no burdens" I trailed off

"Bella, what did you say?" Edward pushed a strand of hair away from my eyes.

"It's umm nothing" I retorted, but Edward was not having no for an answer. He placed my hands gently in his and permeated his emerald eyes. His eyes were like a trance every time I looked at them I could never discharge myself.

"Bella, please" Edward groaned. He pushed my palms in his and closed the gap between us. I could feel his body heat radiating into mine, it was like we were one somehow.

"Please Bella, I don't want us to hide things from each other, I promise I'll tell you everything. It's just that in this past hour I have been with you, you mutter something so I can't hear it or you space out. I want it to be the same as it was when we were younger."

He leaned his forehead against mine and I could hear the irregular heartbeats of Edward. It sounded like an earthquake, it's like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. My knees were growing weak and I leaned onto Edward a little more than I should have. He grabbed my waist before I could fall and I heard it; my heart was beating so fast like his.

Weird, but I brushed it off. Maybe it was because we haven't seen each other in a while and are scared that we are going to loose each other.

"It's stupid Edward, but if you really wanna know I'll tell you" I blushed and made my hair cascade my face.

"I really do and hate it when you do that"

"What Edward what did I do?" I suddenly felt really self conscious.

"Silly Bella, don't worry I just don't like it when you hide yourself" he placed my hair behind my ears. I blushed as he did this and felt myself getting really hot. I hoped he ignored my blush, I remember him teasing me for it when we were younger.

"I was just saying how I like it when we are running because we can be free, like when we were kids" I uttered.

"Bells, I like it as well. I thought I smelt or something" he laughed and I joined in.

I heard a familiar tune

_Put your faith in what you most believe in_

_Two worlds, one family_

_Trust your heart_

_Let fate decide_

_To guide these lies we see_

"Sorry, one second Bella"

I watched intently as I saw Edward's expression. I knew he was trying not to laugh. All of sudden I heard screaming.

"Edward Cullen bring Bella to our house immediately. It's not fair you can't have her to yourself. If she is not here in ten minutes I'm coming" Alice yelled.

"Alice relax, we're coming."

"Welcome to the Volvo" Edward seemed very proud of his car. He closed the door behind me before getting in himself. Reminded me of Esme and how she was always teaching her boys to be gentlemen.

Edward's driving was smooth, yet too fast for my liking.

"Edward, slow down please" I shrieked

"Bells, relax. Nothing is going to happen" Edward guaranteed.

"Please Edward" I briefly touched his arm. He slowed down. When I was younger I learnt how to let Edward give in and now I really appreciate that he is still weak in that way.

I wanted Edward to slow down for many reasons. I was having my doubt about going to the Cullens. I know last time I was there I reconciled with everyone, but numerous things have occurred. Yes Alice, Carlise and Edward forgave me, but what about the others. I was scared for Jasper and Rose's reaction, especially Rose. I know Rose takes things hard and they affect her tremendously.

Edward sensed my worry and embraced my hand in his and rubbed his thumb across my hand for assurance. I tried to produce a weak smile, but I could feel the tears cascading.

Edward stopped the car "Bella, come here"

"Edward there's not enough room there"

"Rubbish, there's always room for Bella" I couldn't deny him; I was in need of comfort so I slowly removed my seatbelt and sat in Edward's lap.

"Bells, what's wrong" Edward titled my chin and all I saw was concern in those crystal eyes.

"Edward, I'm scared they're going to hate me and that something terrible will go wrong and it will all be my fault." I whispered.

"Bella, everything will be fine, everyone misses you terribly and I promise I will be there the whole time" he soothed. I gently wrapped my arms around his torso and kissed his cheek tenderly.

"Thank you Edward, it means a lot to me".

"Bella you're my best friend. I never want to loose you again."

"And you won't. We should get going before Alice comes" I smirked.

Edward pulled up the driveway and I felt like I was home. I breathed the familiar scent of blossoms… home at last. I must have been day dreaming because I heard Edward call my name with apprehension.

"Bella, earth to Bella" Edward chorused.

"Sorry Edward, I was just thinking how it feels like home already." He squeezed my hand and opened the door.

"Surprise" everyone cheered and then I was engulfed by Emmet.

"Welcome back Kido" he cheered. I felt like I was at a football match with all his cheers.

I missed Emmett greatly; he was the comedian who made everything feel better. He was an older brother that I never had, but he was different I could look up to him considering the age difference and talk to him in ways I couldn't with Edward or Jasper. He made everything seem like a joke and that's what I missed the most.

"I missed you so much Emmett" I sniffled on his shirt.

"Aww Bella trix I missed you more" he poked his tongue out immaturely.

"Real mature Emmett and how old are you again" I watched him count his fingers.

"Eighteen" he grinned with pride.

"That's what I missed about you Emmett" I sighed and hugged him again with all my might.

"Well Emmy bear is here to save the day, so no more worries" and hurled me onto his back. Observing Emmett he has changed in many ways, his face was more precise like Edward's, they looked similar but Emmett's characteristics were more prominent.

"Emmy please let me down" I begged since I knew his soft side.

His body was also more muscular like he had been working out. Since I knew Emmett I wasn't afraid, but I am sure people that didn't know Emmett would be intimidated by his size. His hair was darker and less curly and his cologne was different to Edward's.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jasper sitting in the corner glancing out the window. My heart broke seeing him this way. I have to set things right with Jasper, I never really thought Jasper and I reunited properly.

"Bella darling" Esme called.

"Umm... Coming" I called. I pulled Edward with me. My hands were growing sweaty and I felt my breath catch in my throat. Edward spun me around.

"Breathe Bella; I'll be here the whole time"

I walked up to Esme and hugged her. It felt right, not like when I hugged Renee. It was a loving and secure hug. Esme appeared different not as happy as before, her eyes looked wary and if you looked closely you could see she needed proper sleep, her bags were stupendous. Her figure was much smaller and I could see the stress produced in the way she held her posture.

"I missed you so much Bella, I honestly thought everything was going to crash, but here you are my dear" she smiled adoringly, I guess trying to hide the dire happenings from me.

This just made me more distressed that she had to conceal her worries from everyone and put on a façade like everything is normal. I would defiantly need to talk to Carlise about this.

"Oh before I forget I have something for you"

"Esme, you shouldn't have"

"Think of it as a home coming present"

"It's it's beautiful Esme" I murmured. It was pure golden locket on a gold chain. It was nice and simple.

"I love it, thank you so much"

"It's fine Bella, I think the others would like to talk to you" I nodded.

"Edward, can you put it on for me, please" I solicited.

"Sure" as Edward was placing the necklace on my neck I felt a spark and I liked it. It was like a tingle and made my stomach do flips, but it felt right.

"Ready Bells" he squeezed my shoulders gently.

"I guess" I sighed.

"Bella, oh my god" Rose half yelled.

"Uhh... Rose she's not deaf" Edward chuckled.

"It's so good to see you, long lost sister. Ahh I missed you much, do you know what it's like handling Emmett by myself" she laughed.

"But I thought you left me forever, honestly it was heartbreaking and everyone was broken and now that you're here it feels like you never left" she brought me in for a hug.

"I missed you too long lost sis" I winked. It felt like the old times, just hanging out and catching up on the latest.

Rosalie was beautiful in a way that is indescribable; she had always been a knockout when we were younger as well so it wasn't too surprising. If I wasn't her friend my self esteem would drop vastly. She maintains her beauty in a way that makes her perfect; her sleek, straight blonde hair sits pleasantly along her shoulders. What makes it even more pretty is the side fringe she has and this makes it a dominant feature as it contrasts with her blue, ocean eyes. Her eyes say a million words, its like your looking at the world, but at the same time she has small blue flecks that make it look like a shattered crystal, they are truly amazing. Rosalie is quite slim, but not in an anorexic way. Noticing her body she has the perfect curves and everything looks precise, especially her outfit.

She wore a red strapless dress that hugged her curves in the right places and dropped below her knees with simple red heels. To top it off she had a cute simple red cardigan with a red bow in her hair. I am not a fashion expert, yet in my belief she belongs in a vogue magazine. The one thing I love about her is she is not like those plastic girls, she is intelligent and expresses her self in many diverse ways. Sitting here chatting with her feels like the old times, she has always been the older sister that I look up to with advice.

"Bella, how could you. Not even say hello to your best friend. I am totally outraged" Alice pouted.

"Hey Ali", I punched her arm lightly.

"I missed you so much Bells, never are you leaving me again. We have so much to do; for starters tomorrow we are going shopping, what is this outfit Bella. You can do so much Better. Oh I know you need Alice and Rose therapy" I glared at the two of them.

"And you guys are my so called friends"

"You know you can't resist our charm Bells" Rosalie stated

"What where you and Edward doing?" Alice whispered silently in my ear.

"Being out old selves" I shrugged.

Being in my old circle of friends felt so right but wrong in many ways. I realised why, Jasper was still sitting on the stairs staring at the window.

"Edward, can you come with me to talk to Jasper"

"Bells, I think you should go yourself, only because you and Jasper have to sort things out for yourself" he spoke aplomb.

"But Edward, what if something happens and you said you would be with me at all times" I retorted.

"Bella, this is completely different, I will be intruding. It's not fair."

Why do I always have to be so emotional about everything, I could feel my eyes watering and walked off. I don't know why, but it hurt that Edward couldn't just come, he always made me feel safe. Not that Jasper didn't, but if I hurt Jasper too much or said the wrong thing I wouldn't have the support to help me.

"Jasper" I whispered.

"Hey Bella, it's great to see you" he half smiled.

"Jasper, what's wrong, why aren't you hanging out with the others" I asked.

"I don't feel like partying" he said with a blank expression.

"Jazz please tells me. Is it because of me" I traced.

"Bella, I don't want to upset you. But it has just been so hard without you. Sure I had the rest of the gang, but they never understood me like you did. We had that special connection and it just hasn't been equivalent."

"Jazz, I'm so sorry and I know words will never heal what I have done to you and for that I can understand if you don't want to be friends. I just wanted to apologise for not making it up to you when we were younger, I feel like I ignored you and I know I can't take my actions back. I never really understood our friendship until I left to phoenix. I really cherish our relationship because it was different from the others and I am poignant that I never appreciated it before. I will never understand what you went through and the pain may be too excruciating for you to even befriend me and for that I can truly comprehend what a horrible person I have been to you" I stood shaking out of fear.

Fear that I have lost one of the most important people in my life. Jasper is completely different from everyone else. It's like he knows what people are feeling and can change the world in a second. I remember when we were younger he could shield certain emotions. Most of all he could listen to me for hours, just talk my heart out about the world. He was completely dissimilar to Edward. He expressed himself differently to me, it was like silent communication.

"Bells, it's fine. I think I feel like I'm hallucinating. How can you be here after all this time? It just seems surreal." He touched my arm indicating me to sit back down.

"Jasper, I promise you I'm here and that you not dreaming take my hand" he placed his hand on top of mine. I then punched him lightly.

"What was that for?" he questioned.

"To see if you believe I am here" he smiled a proper, warm smile and I had to join in for I have just brought Jasper back to life.

"Well I do now, did you start karate or something, cause man that hurt"

"Maybe you're just a sissy"

"Oh I take offense to that" he placed his hand on his heart.

"It's good to have you back Jasper, even if you're a drama queen" I chuckled.

"I missed you Bells" he hugged me so tightly but it felt so right. I felt I had reunited with everyone now.

I felt whole again. I had befriended everyone and I had my two parents back, even if they weren't blood related. I have my friends back and I am home in Forks.

I walked back with Jasper at my heels, he was grinning like a mad idiot. But I loved him all the same. Well even if I had ruined people's lives, I had sort of repaired my damage in some ways. To be honest the majority of occurrences and problems have not been dealt with, but for now I'm going to pretend that everything is alright because I have the love and support I have dreamed of for many years and I somehow thank Andrew because even though I got hurt I am back home where I belong. It feels right I could not be happier I am truly home where my heart lies.

"Hey guys" Jasper spoke with glee.

There was shock and surprise on everyone's faces.

"Yay! Jazzy is back" Emmet squealed in an imitation of supposedly a girls voice.

Laughter erupted and couldn't be controlled for we were all back together, once and for all. Hopefully never to break this bond again.

**A/N: it sounds like the end, but it's not :D**

**Click that review button and tell me what you thought?**

**And also any of you who read **_**loss of a loved one**_** I am not going to make it story yet. I want to concentrate on this one first, sorry ):**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey guys, **

**Yes, I know majorly late):**

**Things were just too hectic and I had writers block so it took a while to form this chapter. This chappie is the longest out of all of them and I want to know whether my readers like short or long chappies??**

**Also I would like everyone's opinion on this chapter because I am not too happy with it, but I'll let you all decide.**

**Welcome to my new readers and for my anonymous readers if you have an email or something I shall send the chappie to you.**

**I would to thank my best friend Dary who encouraged me to write this chappie. I would also like to thank yara for being my inspiration.**

**Lastly and formostly I would like to gove a big thanks to my beta Mai who took the time to look at this chappie(:**

**Enjoy(:**

"Football Arizona" boomed Emmett jumping on me, making me slip off the couch.

"Ha ha, you're still the same Clumsy Belly" Emmett chuckled riotously.

I blushed because everyone was in the living room watched intently. I always seem to be the centre of attention due to my clumsiness at the optimum of times.

"You're just jealous that you aren't the centre of attention due to clumsiness" I retorted.

Jasper sneaked up on Emmett tackling him to the floor. I was astonished at how someone as small as Jasper could take on Emmett. It was amusing watching Jasper concentrate hard on keeping Emmett to the floor, yet I had a feeling Emmett allowed Jasper to have his moment to shine.

"Alright, Jesus Jasper, I wasn't gonna kill Bellsy" groaned Emmett comically.

"Hmm Jasper never thought you had it in you" I chortled.

"Oh it runs in my veins and I had to save the damsel in distress." joked Jasper.

"Oh, please you wish" I smiled

"Well Jazzy bear mate, I am deeply sorry but I am the strongest in forks" grinned Emmet holding jasper to his shoulders.

"Em man, put me down I am not six" Jasper whined.

"Oh, I am sorry I forgot, this is initiation to welcome you back." grinned Emmett.

Just watching everyone from afar now illustrated to me how they seemed content. I mean if anyone was to look at them, they look peaceful, tranquil, and pleased. I find it strange how I could be the cause of the happiness considering I was the one who caused the pain. I do not think I will ever really comprehend what all these people see in me. Something that I also do not understand and have seemed to question lately is how they all could just accept me back into their everyday lives after all that has happened. It amazes me how Esme and Carlise have been patient and allowed me to associate with their children, especially Edward.

"Emmett, please show some manners," Esme scolded.

"I'm sorry mum," Emmet pouted.

"Oh my gosh, I have the greatest idea. Why not have a tour of the house" Alice clapped her hands and pulled me up in a hug.

"Bella" whined Emmett.

"Sure Alice" I smiled and leaped off the couch.

I glanced back at Emmett, "I don't watch football, sorry"

"Oh no no no, close your eyes, this must be a surprise" Alice gushed.

As Alice released her hands from my eyes, I was welcomed into a pale pink bedroom. The wallpaper was different shades of pink, yet in blended excellently. On one side of the wall there were children's drawings; I noticed one of the pictures had my name signed on it. I slowly walked to it and brushed my finger across the rough crayoned paper that had the incises Bella and Alice.

"That was year one with Miss Cook, do you remember" solicited Alice.

It was a collage of flowers, hearts, and butterflies and in the background stood two stick figures; Alice and I.

"Oh yes I remember clearly. Hey do you remember that time when she made me sit in the classroom because I didn't hand up my summer poem and pretended I couldn't find it."

"Yes and you didn't hand it in because you thought it was bad so you threw it in the bin"

"Hmm, yeah funny times" I chuckled.

"You know what I think Bella?" Alice questioned looking attentively with her hazel eyes.

"Hmm, well I am not telepathic so I can't read your mind" I hoaxed.

"I think both of us are scared to talk about the past, but we need to talk about it in order to overcome it." Alice explained looking solemnly at me.

"Alice please not now" I implored.

I do not think I could handle relishing the horrid memories now. It may seem selfish of me to just want to be blissful and settle into Forks, but I think if I just release everything now it will make no effect. I have a feeling that I have to really think this out. The only person that is well aware of what partially happened is Alice and I know it is not going to be easier to tell everyone. I also believe that everyone is content now and I do not yearn to destroy this at the moment. Everyone appears to be finally settling in and restoring the heartache, what kind of person would I be if I ruined this. I also feel selfish to just talk about the problems concerning me, because I believe that Edward's disorder should be of a higher priority.

"Bella, you can't keep pretending that everything is fine or going to fall into place" she urged.

"Alice, is that what you think I'm trying to do?" I asked.

"Well, yes"

"Alice, I just want to settle before I lay things on the table. It is not the easiest subject to converse about. Please just give me time," I pleaded allowing my brown eyes to bore in her hazel orbs.

"If that's what you want" I nodded.

"Well, how do you like my room?" Alice asked.

"It is amazing, perfect. Indescribable" I whispered.

"Thankyou" Alice beamed.

Alice's room was beyond beautiful, it had many areas to it, and everything in her room reflected her personality. The pictures, the drawings the quotes and lyrics were all significant. It is through these simple words and images that you can really tell Alice's emotions and thoughts.

On the other wall, it had pictures of a hand from small to large and the last one dated until grade six.

The other half of the wall was surrounded in collages of fashion, makeup, and models.

"You really decorated the walls huh?" I prodded.

"I believe that the walls are the most important. Check behind the door that's the best part" she said clapping her hands excitedly.

As I closed the door the sight amazed me, there was a painting of Alice; it was picturesque. Alice's face was on an angle and it captured her facial features pristinely. It was black and white, but it contrasted the tone and texture to make it a wonderful piece of art. Her head appeared to be tilted to the side; making it appear that she is looking directly at the viewer. The whole image is beautiful, beyond amazing. This image made me speechless, Alice is beautiful, however this image showed her beauty in a dynamic way, but most of all it made her seem happy and serene.

"Oh my God Alice, who did this?" I inquired.

"Edward made it for me when we had to share a room and you know I didn't even know he was working on it and then on my birthday he gave it to me. He even made a box for it!" She beamed with excitement.

"Wow, that's remarkable. Does Edward usually do things like this for the family?" I asked.

"No, he just did it on one occasion for me so I felt immensely special." Alice smiled shyly.

"Aww, Alice you are special and I'm glad he did something likes this, it shows that he really cares even when you may think he doesn't care at all." I assured her.

"I know and to tell you the truth I feel like Edward is the closest to me and I hope to never break the bond between us" a tear slid down her cheek.

"Alice, you're so brave, believe me you're a wonderful sister for Edward to have and I'm sure he appreciates it very much" I reassured her.

"You really think so" she whispered quietly.

"I know so, don't think so low about yourself" I smiled with encouragement.

"So how about you show me your room, we never got around to that"

"Well this is my bed, what do you think?"

"Wow Alice it's gorgeous even for me and you know how I'm not so girly," I laughed.

Her bed was a queen sized with light, lilac, flower bed sheets. The lance was black, yet it blended perfectly with the boarder of purple flowers on the edge. Her curtains were created out of pale pink silk and had an array of butterflies of diverse colours in a swirl; the butterflies looked realistic on the curtain. Her window sill was white and so was the frame of her window and as I stood there I was infatuated by the sun shining inside it made the room appear so vibrant, it gave the room colour. She also had a matching bedside table that held purple tulips.

"Alice, you have outdone yourself, this is every girls dream. To have a simple, magnificent bedroom with character"

Above her bed, she had a fairy broken in half and in the middle; there were pictures of the two of us. In the middle were pictures of us and on each side was a picture of Alice and the on the other side was a picture of me.

My eyes felt large all of sudden like a huge weight was placed upon them; my eyelids watered and it felt as if my tears would surge. I allowed them to trickle down my face. I now understood the meaning of this, when our friendship was broken. The fairy wings really stood out to me, yes they were beautiful and sparkling with glitter but the words engraved in the wings really portrayed to me how Alice felt about our relationship.

Engraved on her side of the wing were:

I am so Sorry for

Everything that occurred

the Lies and the goodbyes

I stood waiting

With the memories

But, you just left

Without even saying goodbye

We used to be the best of friends

And that's what I miss most

Cuz without you I'm broken

My half of the wing was left blank. Guilt ran through my mind, I never honestly thought about her feelings even when I fell into depression. I was always so self-centred around how I felt and whether anyone really cared. I guess in a way I thought the Cullens and the Hales would make new friends considering I am just one person, but I never thought about the effect and feelings each of them felt. I feel disappointed that I could cause this yet not really realise this until there was proof in front of me. Even through all this, they all brought me back into their lives and that is something that I cherish immensely.

"Alice, I'm so sorry" I hugged her with all my might and let her cry on my shoulder.

"Shhhh Ali it's okay, you know I'm here now." She sniffled.

"I'm sorry, I meant to take them down, but my mind told me to leave them. I know you're here and that somehow erases the pain. I only placed them up after you never returned the letters, I was extremely afraid I would forget you and our friendship" she sobbed gently.

"Alice if there is one thing that I would like to do; I would erase the pain I caused. I will forever have the this guilt on me and I despise what my mother did and if I could I would go back and change things for the better I would. However, in reality I cannot change what has happened and that dismays me."

"I know Bells; its just I cannot forget what happened. It hurt so much loosing you, I thought I was never going to see you and that in itself hurt painfully. I'm telling this to you not so you feel awful about your mother taking you away but so you know how I felt." She uttered

"Thankyou" I whispered softly squeezing her hand in assurance.

I walked passed the bed and to her desk; it was a baby pink with matching drawers, lamp and stationary. On the side of the desk stood a family picture with just the Cullens. On the other side was a picture of all us as children. We all looked happy and carefree. How I wish I could feel like that again. The picture was taken in Esme's garden. Alice was holding onto jasper, Rosalie was holding onto Emmett and I was holding onto Edward. We were about to have a piggyback race, luckily Esme was just in time for a perfect Kodak moment.

"Oh before I forget I have a present for you" smiled Alice wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Alice you shouldn't have" I replied

"Well I was in this really gorgeous jewellery shop and couldn't help but fall in love with it."

"so what is it?" I asked.

"Alright, close your eyes and open your hand" Alice was jumping up and down as she placed a cold chain in my hand.

As I opened my eyes, I saw a charm with the letters st, end and half a butterfly wing on a silver chain.

"oh Alice it's beautiful, thankyou" I hugged her tightly.

"I thought it would be a wonderful homecoming present and that way if we are ever apart I just want you to know that I am with you every step of the way."

"The same with you Alice and thankyou," I hugged her.

"Pinky swear, no thankyou for coming back" she grinned.

It has always been a tradition for us to use the pinky swears, I guess we feel like we can hold onto that stronger than what a promise does. I know I feel like it's stronger than a promise, not that I would ever distrust Alice. It's what we have used since we were young; it's kind of like our thing.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in if you good looking," joked Alice.

"Hmm, well in that case I'll just stand outside then" chuckled Edward quietly.

"What's up Edward" Alice asked.

He ran his fingers through his soft bronze hair and looked directly at me.

"Well if little Miss Hyper doesn't mind it's my turn for the tour," Edward stated in an English accent.

"The fair lady is yours sir" Alice said trying to mock Edwards tone and refrain from laughter.

"Wow, this is your room?" I asked astounded.

"Yeah, what do you think?" Edward asked.

"I think it is amazingly breathtaking," I whispered

As I walked in, I was welcomed to a black room with golden edges, it made the room look fancy and inviting as if you could sit in there all day. It rather reminded me of a room you would see in an olden day English movie, yet it matched Edward's character perfectly. His room was spacious, actually spacious was an understatement his room was much larger than Alice's was and was open. His windows were large, the same colour as Alice's, yet much larger, and the edges of the window were painted gold. His curtains matched the walls, it seemed like his room had the black and gold theme. His shelf is what amazed me the most; he had millions of books and CDs.

"Wow you have so many books and CDs" I stated.

"I like to keep myself occupied. The books are arranged in alphabetical order and the CDs are arranged in what I listen to most." He explained.

"Makes sense"

"Your bed is huge" I exclaimed.

"You can sit on it if you like" Edward suggested.

I sat on the bed gently, afraid to mess it up. It looked too perfect to ruin. In fact, all of Edward's room looked fragile yet perfect.

"This room is incredible, so much different than before but I love it" I exclaimed.

"Is that a baby grand piano?" I asked

"Sure is" Edward stated.

"Well since it's in your room, I'm guessing you can play," I inquired.

"Yeah, but I'm not that good, just been practising for a few years" he stated shyly.

"Aww come on don't be modest, please play something for me" I pouted.

"Alright, only cause you're my spider monkey. But some other time, I really need to brush up on my skills." Edward chuckled.

"Okay, but your not getting away with that " I sighed.

"Oh wait I have something for you, stay here" Edward demanded.

I saw Edward walking into something that looked like another room. I looked around the room Edward had a small, simple desk with a computer and a few books. Something that I noticed was Edward's room was quite tidy and neat compared to Alice's room.

I walked up to his dresser and I saw pictures of us from when we were younger. The funny thing was there were only pictures of the two of us, none of his family members. I found that quite strange, but as I was scrutinising over the picture I felt two warm hands on eyes.

"Edward" I asked.

"No its your kidnapper" hoaxed Edward as he grabbed me off my feet.

The word kidnapper brought too many familiar thoughts including Andrew. I felt my heart quicken and my eyes burn. I sucked in a deep breath as Edward placed me on what I supposed his bed. My eyes were closed so it was much harder to not relish the memories. I felt my throat grow lumpy and a tear slid down my cheek.

Edward released his hand after placing me on the bed and I saw him notice his hand.

"Bella" Edward whispered hesitantly.

"Yes" I spoke trying to make it out as if nothing was wrong, but I could hear my voice shaking.

"Bella" Edward repeated jumping of the bed. I felt his eyes bore into my head even though I wasn't looking at him. I wiped the tears from my face hastily and gave Edward a genuine smile.

"I am fine" I whispered.

"Bella, I know you, something is wrong Bella. Please don't hide the fact that your sad. I want to help you" Edward pleaded brushing a strand of hair away from face.

His touch was ever so gentle; it reminded me of an angel. Everything that Edward did make him look like an angel, his facial features, his stance, and his graceful walk.

"I know I am fine, things happened, another time please" I urged.

"Okay" Edward answered uncertain cupping my chin softly.

"I got you something, well actually Alice helped me pick it out" Edward stated sitting next to me.

"Edward, you know you didn't have to" I told him earnestly.

"I wanted to get you something" Edward grinned.

He pulled out a small pale pink box shaped in heart with roses covered on it.

"Here you go, open it" Edward encouraged.

Inside was a small ring with a heart covered in pink diamonds with an attached key.

"Edward, I don't know what to say its beautiful" I said softly.

I turned to hug me with all my might, but considering my balance, I fell. I thought I was going to fall flat onto the carpet when I felt Edward's gentle hands wrap around my waist and bring me back onto the bed. I hugged him tightly and I felt myself crush against his rigid body, but it felt right. It kind of felt like I could melt there, I felt his secure arms hug me back and for just a moment I felt at pure bliss and protected like nothing dangerous could harm me until he let go.

"Thankyou" I whispered kissing his cheek gently.

I felt my cheek blush and then Edward took the box and placed it on the bed. He pulled out the ring and placed it gently on my middle finger.

"This Isabella Marie Swan is a friendship ring. Even if I am not here I am with you all the time, remember that I will never leave. I am always here for you no matter what. You know you can come to me and talk to me, I am here for you." Edward said while tilting my chin so I was directly gazing into his sparkling emerald orbs.

"I know and I cannot thank any of you enough for everything you have been doing," I murmured quietly while twirling a strand of my hair.

I heard the loud boom of footsteps run through the hallway.

"Bella, o Bella" Emmett chimed.

"In Edward's room" I yelled.

"Ms Swan, you know it is not ladylike to scream" Emmett laughed, his laugh was contagious so I joined in and then Edward started laughing as well and then out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice standing there dumbfounded.

"Hey, would someone please tell me what's going on" Alice prodded.

"Just Emmett being his crazy self' I replied.

"The reason I came up was because Esme told me that Charlie wanted to have you home by dinner so I'll take you home. I have to take Rose and Jasper home so It would be easier if I take the bunch of you kiddos home" Emmett smiled.

"Sure. Thankyou so much all of you, I had a wonderful time and it wouldn't have been like that without all of you."

"Group hug" Emmett bellowed.

The hug felt so warm and secure, it made butterflies form in my stomach. I felt happy, no ecstatic, today has truly been my day I am back where I belong with my true friends.

"Esme, thankyou so much for having me over. I know it must be hard on you so I thank you. oh and by the way your house is truly amazing, I never really appreciated until now." I expressed sincerely.

"oh Bella, your welcome and nonsense I thank you for your lovely company and you know you can pop by whenever you want, just like the old times" she gave me a hug.

"Well wouldn't want to keep Charlie waiting," she whispered.

"Welcome to the jeep" Emmett announced proudly.

"Ahh, Emmett I am not getting in that car under any circumstances." I stated shakily.

This car scared me immensely, for starters how was I supposed to get in this so-called jeep with my clumsiness skills.

"Bella, come on, I'll help you get in the car. The car isn't a death trap." Emmett reassured me, yet I wasn't encouraged to sit in that car.

I have seen jeeps before, but not this high of the ground. This car was much larger than I was and nothing would make me step foot in that car ever.

"Emmy, I can't" and then I started running, running as fast as my legs would take me without tripping.

As I was running I bumped into something. As I looked into the person's eyes I saw Edward.

"Bella" asked Edward confused, but I wasn't answering him. I just pulled him and started running. I stepped on a rock and was about to trip, yet Edward was there to save me.

"Edward, I promise I'll explain later. Just let me hop onto your back and start running a fast as you can."

I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and heaved my body upward. I felt the wind blowing through my hair, I felt free. I could hear Edward panting and puffing, but I heard footsteps.

"Bells, come out wherever you are" Emmett sung.

I could hear the footsteps getting closer and Edward hid me behind the tree with him.

"Start talking now missy" Edward poked me.

"Okay, well you know Emmett's jeep. The thing is I can't step foot in that car Edward, you don't understand I am afraid of heights and the car looks like a monster" I shrieked.

"How about if I put you into the car safely," Edward suggested.

"Absolutely not Edward, Emmett tried that and no I refuse. Can't we just go in your car" I pleaded using my puppy dog eyes on him.

"My car is not here, it's with the mechanics" Edward sighed exasperated.

"Then we will walk" I stated dragging him along with me.

"Um hey Emmett" I waved.

"You can take Jasper and Rose home, Edward and I will walk to my place," I affirmed.

"Bella, your kidding me" Edward laughed.

"I am so not kidding Em, that car is a monster." I yelped

"See ya Rose and Jassy" I hugged them and started walking towards my house.

"Bye Bella." They chorused.

Charlie was standing in the doorway when we reached the house.

"Thanks for everything Edward" I hugged him tightly.

"No worries, I'll see you later" he waved.

"Bye" I whispered as I watched his silhouette leave in the distance.

"Daddy" I yelled.

"Oh bells I missed you," Charlie whispered embracing me tightly.

**Now review(:**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys(:**

**I am so sorry for the wait, excuse : **_hectic life and I wasn't motivated to write._

**I would like to thank one of my Betas Amber for helping me out, thankyou so much.**

**I would also like to thank my best friend Dary (simplycutebambi) who is always an encouragement to my writing. Check out her Twilight stories, they are amazing(:**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

**Previously:**

"Daddy" I yelled.

"Oh Bells, I missed you." Charlie whispered, embracing me tightly.

"I missed you too Dad." I whispered softly as a tear slid down my cheek.

I studied my father's face, trying to see how he had changed over the years. I could faintly notice a few wrinkles on him and he had large bags under his eyes, but with that huge grin on his face, it was as if nothing ever happened.

"Mmm, something smells great"

"Well, this old man had to learn to cook, I couldn't just rely on Esme's lovely cooking" Charlie replied.

As I sat at the dinner table with Charlie making small talk, I noticed how my surroundings were quite diverse. The house looked much more modern from the inside, it was different to my childhood, yet it still felt homey.

"The house is different."

"Do you like it?" Charlie asked,

"I love it; it makes me feel at home. I'm guessing you had some help?" I laughed

"Why Bella, you aren't seriously questioning my style are you? I'm shocked!" mocked Charlie.

"No sweetie, despite my protest, Esme, Alice and Rosalie did it as a homecoming present for you." Charlie explained.

"It's great Dad, it really gives the house some character. Did they actually do the whole house, just for me?"

"Yep. It's amazing the power those girls have at their disposal. You should see your room I think that's the best part."

I walked into the bedroom and I was met by a meadow. The walls were painted with colourful blossoms and vines that were picturesque. Each flower was painted with careful detail and precision. The feeling was indescribable. The surroundings made me feel at peace and yet bubbly. It's the kind of room that invites you into it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a brand new bookshelf with all my favourite romance novels. The reoccurring theme of my room was apparently floral. All around the bookshelf were flowers and vines carefully etched into the wood. It was amazing just gazing at it. In the corner next to my window was a new double bed. The quilt was covered in red, pink and crème flowers and there were five pillows, each in a pillow case that matched the bed sheets, it looked like one of the beds you see in the shop for married couples. The window frame was painted a pale pink with the same vine design around the edges. Near the bed was a walk in wardrobe and from just one glance it was apparent that Alice had been on a shopping spree and she hadn't held back. My eyes practically fell out of their sockets when I looked down and saw the numerous pairs of shoes. There was a special place for each season. There was no way I would be able to wear all of that before I graduated. Opposite my bed stood a pink and green desk with the same floral pattern as the bookshelf. On the top of the desk was a new Dell laptop with a nice pale blue background and in the left hand corner was inscribed 'with love from Daddy'. Lately I have felt like the centre of attention, with the Cullen's and Hale's throwing me a homecoming party and now this, my room done by my two best friends and to top that off everything was brand new. This really felt like home, not having everything new but the atmosphere of love and kindness really makes me feel special.

In the corner stood the rocking chair from when I was a baby and on top of that lay my baby book and blanket. I moved the blanket and flipped through the baby book. In the pictures both my parents look content with their lives and in their eyes I could see their love and adoration for each other. A lump formed in my mouth, I felt a twinge of sadness. Sometimes I really wish that things could have sorted themselves out. I feel broken inside, and sometimes I think maybe if my parents were not high school sweethearts who got married and had a child, just maybe they could have still been together.

I shut the book that was full of memories and placed it to the side. I brought the blanket to my nose and sniffed it; it still had the baby scent. The smell of babies has always made me feel safe for some unknown reason.

I heard a slight knock

"Come in" I called

"Hey Bells, you settling in well?"

"Dad, this is amazing. It must have taken so much time and effort, it's unbelievable. Thank you" I said hugging him tightly.

"I'm glad you enjoy it," he said smiling.

"Listen, why don't you get some sleep? We have an early start tomorrow, I have some father/ daughter plans for us"

"Okay" I whispered sleepily.

* * *

"Bells, wake up" I heard my dad whisper softly.

I grudgingly walked out of my bed and splashed my face with water. I noticed that last night I had slept a whole night without tossing and turning and when I splashed my face I actually felt fresh and eager to do something.

"Dad, what are the plans for today" I half yelled.

"It's a surprise" I could hear the enjoyment in his tone.

"Dad, so not funny, I hate surprises and plus I need to know so I can wear the right clothing." I grumbled.

"Just wear something comfy... like jeans." He suggested.

I decided on my good old black skinny jeans and light red top with the outlines of butterflies, courtesy of Alice. For footwear I stuck with my grey Volleys.

I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail letting my fringe and few wisps of hair fall out. Just before leaving, I grabbed my cell and dabbed some eyeliner on.

Dad had made us both breakfast.

"Yum, dad I think you should throw in the badge and gun and open up a restaurant." I suggested

"All of this is only because Esme taught me how, it's all her recipes and I thought we should have a nice and different breakfast because school is going to start in a few days and I'll have to be out of the house by six" Charlie explained.

"I really enjoyed that, thanks Dad." I kissed his cheek softly.

"Dad, please. At least give me a clue "I said, attempting the famous Bella pout.

"Nope. Oh, how I love surprises." Charlie chuckled while I glared at him.

As we were driving I couldn't help but notice all of the scenery we passed was gorgeous and alluring. The trees, the birds; everything was so calm and tranquil. I noticed the atmosphere was completely different to Phoenix, but I guess growing up in Arizona, I'm more used to heat and crowded places. Here I enjoyed the peace, the quiet and the comfort of my Father. The great thing about Charlie is that he isn't always asking questions, he allows silence, but it is never an awkward silence. In the comfortable silence I remembered a night years ago...

_**Bella six**_

_It was the middle of the night and I got up to get a glass of water. I felt the cold, hard floorboards as I walked to the kitchen. I grabbed a chair and dragged it over to the sink so I could reach. _

_I heard hushed whispers..._

"_Charlie, I can't. Not anymore" I heard my mother whisper._

"_Just stop being so self centred for a moment and think about our daughter for once. I mean you hardly even look at her anymore, she is always with the Cullen's, while you're off, God knows where." I heard the anger in his tone._

"_Charlie, don't get angry on me, she's your daughter too. If you were here more, maybe I wouldn't get so bored easily." My mother half yelled._

_I sipped my water slowly as to not make a sound that I was there; I placed my cup in the sink and sat on the chair._

"_Renee, is there something wrong with living here? Because it sounds like you're not happy with our family. I provide everything you need, you have a roof under your head and I always think of the two of you before anyone or anything else."_

"_It's just... Charlie, I just can't…I'm not happy anymore. Being in a small town has its limitations and this relationship is falling apart. Can't see that I'm not happy anymore? Hell, I skipped college because YOU wanted a family. But now I'm stuck here at home, useless and alone, and you and Bella expect me to be happy and the life of the party while you earn the money, and the only way I get peace is when I send Bella off to the Cullen's." She yelled, her voice shaking._

_I felt a tear slide down my cheek, I was young but still to me it sounded like my mother did not want me._

"_Don't ever blame this on Bella, do you understand me. She is a gift from God. So what, you didn't pursue your career. You have a wonderful daughter and there are about a hundred things you could do and if you aren't doing them it's by your own choice or incompetency. But don't ever blame that on her, she was created for a reason; hell, if you don't want her, why don't you leave?" Charlie said angrily._

_For some reason I couldn't move. I was stuck to the chair. I heard footsteps and saw my father with his pillow and blanket headed towards the couch._

"_Charlie, please" my mother begged, "Don't do this to me"_

"_I didn't do this. You did this. We're over." My Dad whispered coarsely. He passed the doorway and saw me sitting on the chair._

"_Bella honey, is that you?" he asked_

_I lowered my eyes to the floor. My mother had told me on many occasions not to listen to other people private conversations because it's rude and you may hear something you don't want to._

"_Bella" Charlie whispered softly._

_I hiccupped. "I was getting some water and then you were talking and I got scared so I sat down"_

"_It's okay Baby, I'll take you back to bed." He pulled my hand but I stubbornly stayed put._

"_No, please. Can I sleep with you?" I asked softly._

"_Why don't you go sleep next to your mum?" My father suggested. I shook my head furiously,_

"_She doesn't like me." I whispered in his ear._

"_Bella, that's not true. What she said tonight, none of that was true. She was angry that's all sweetie." Charlie explained._

"_Please Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight." I begged._

"_Charlie, please just come to bed and we'll sort it in the morning," my mother said, walking into the room. She saw me and froze. "Bella, What are you doing up?" my mum whispered._

_I ignored her and slipped behind my father._

"_She heard..."_

* * *

"Bells, where here" Charlie stopped and I looked around.

Around us was a beautiful river with ducks swimming and bird's chirping in the near by forest. As I glanced at the sky, it was clear; beautiful weather that made me blissful. The tranquillity astounded me, I have never really understood the meaning of peace until being here. The wind blew my hair and I felt free, I spun around feeling ecstatic.

"Oh my goodness, this is absolutely amazing." I gasped.

Charlie parked the car and opened the boot. He pulled out an eski and two fishing rods.

"We're going fishing?" I asked excitedly.

"Yep, we sure are"

We walked onto the sand and found a nice layer of bricks, where there was half sun, half shade.

Charlie got me started and then I waited for the fish to come. People may think it is boring to sit and wait for fish, but it made me feel calm and relaxed. It took my mind of things. The weather was beautiful considering it was always raining in Forks.

"You picked the best day for this, the weather's great." I said.

"Yeah it is. Oh, looks like you've got one." Charlie beamed and helped me reel it in.

"Yay, at least my clumsiness doesn't affect my fishing skills." I chuckled lightly.

"Or maybe you're just in the presence of your father." Charlie joked.

"So, have you got your things ready for school?"

"I guess, you know what Alice is like, she even likes shopping for stationary." I laughed.

"Yeah, listen Bells, I know starting a new school can be tough, but your friends and of course myself, well, we're all there for you."

"Dad, it's not like I haven't moved before."

"Yeah but this is high school now, people change and I really don't want you hanging with the wrong crowd."

"Dad, please, trust me. I know how to take care of myself and I know how to choose friends wisely. Plus I'll have Alice with me." I kissed his cheek.

"It's a father's worry, especially that I am chief police. I see what teenagers get up to."

"Please don't worry dad. I'll be fine." I promised.

I could tell that he was still cautious, but I guess after your child being taken away from you once it is only natural that you worry.

"Hey, Dad, do you mind if I go for a walk, this place is amazing."

"Sure, you've got your cell in case of an emergency." I nodded.

I walked for a while allowing the breeze to keep me company. Being here just made me feel happy with not a worry in the world. I decided to sit on the sand and pulled my knees up to my chest.

I started to think about how my atmosphere and thoughts on everything had dramatically changed. I know that I am much happier where I am now. I am free, but at the same time I have my father watching over me.

Being with my father made me realise how much I truly did miss him. I have learnt that sometimes you need to be apart from the people you love, but it doesn't mean that you love them any less, in fact in has made me cherish each moment with my father.

We sat and watched the sunset; I laid my head on Charlie's shoulder. For some reason I have a fascination with watching sunsets, it is the highlight of my day.

"It's beautiful just watching the sunset and having the wind blow in your face."

"It is exceptionally wonderful having your daughter watch it with you."

"Thank you Dad, for everything. I really feel at home now." I hugged him tightly.

"I'm just glad to have you back." Charlie kissed my head.

Even though I have missed so many moments with my father, this moment is definitely the most memorable.

**Reviews pleaseeeeee.**

**xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**AND the awaited chapter.**

**I am really sorry but my life got really hectic.**

**Tell me what you think????**

**x**

Beep, beep… the sound of the blaring alarm woke me. I groaned and tossed over, not before falling flat face on the floorboards. "Great start to the year, Bella" I grumbled.

I decided a nice, warm, soothing shower would lighten my mood. The shower nourished my stiffness as the scent of strawberries danced in the bathroom. It was the first day of school, great I thought. New school new people. I am not one who really enjoys school, I just go there to learn and that is it. I remember having to meet all these new people back in phoenix but to do it in high school especially year nine is tough because everyone has made their friendship groups, but I thought I should not really complain as I have Alice and everyone else to get me through it. I guess it is just nerves. I did not care about making an impression so I slipped on my black skinny jeans, my purple floral shirt and my blue sweater with my Mickey Mouse converse. I dabbed some eyeliner and left my hair out pinning a few strands with my flower pins. As I walked downstairs I was surprised to not see my dad down there, but there was post note stuck on the fridge

_Hey, Bells,_

_I am so sorry but there was a problem at the station._

_Have a great day and can't wait to hear about it._

_Dad._

I decided I would just walk to school, yet as I was daydreaming I heard someone beep so loud I thought my eardrums would burst.

"Bella!" someone yelled, I jumped startled, turned and saw Edward.

"Hey stranger" I said whilst hoping in the car.

"Bella, why on Earth would you walk to school when the weather is so bloody cold" Edward inquired.

I shrugged "Well call me if Charlie can't take you to school" I nodded.

"So ready for your first day" Edward prodded.

"Hmm...I guess, it's not like I can avoid it for the rest of my life" my stomach started churning, luckily I had not eaten breakfast or I would I heaved it. I sat in the car not wanting to get out. Forks high school was much smaller than the high schools in Arizona. I took a shaky breath.

"You'll be fine Bells" Edward assured me whilst squeezing my hand. Edward opened the car door before I could, carried my bag. I couldn't ague with Edward carrying my stuff as I was debating in my mind to just turn around. I may as well do this now, then putting it off; I walked into the student office.

"Hi, I am Bella Swan" I said.

The receptionist said "Ah, yes Bella here you go"

She seemed very nice, explaining what to do and giving me a map of the school. She had short, brown curly hair and green eyes with a touch of makeup to make her look younger. I saw my timetable for today

Science, Maths, English, History and PDHPE. Not bad I thought. I knew I would not be in any of Edward's classes as he was starting preliminary. I was glad that it was the start of the year so I would not be missing out on anything. The whole school had to sit through an hour of assembly, which I might add was immensely boring, but Alice made it funny by judging each teacher's clothing.

As I walked into science with Alice my teacher Miss Marley greeted us. She seemed really nice. She had soft, blonde curls and bright blue eyes that reminded me of the sea. The first topic was the body system, I sat listening whilst people booed and made noise, this was completely different from Phoenix, everything was really posh, but I guess it was different as it was a private, single sexed school.

As Alice and I sat in homeroom we discussed which classes we were in, science, history and PDHPE, whilst Alice was in the Advanced English and Math Classes.

All of a sudden this guy with dirty, blonde hair that was slicked back with way too much gel and green eyes that reminded me of a cat came and sat next to me, I did not want to be rude, but I did not really appreciate him sitting next to me.

"Hey, I am Mike" he gestured for me to shake his hand. I could not it brought back so many reminders of what it was like to let someone in, only for them to hurt me. I directed my gaze to the other direction hoping he would just walk away.

"You know I try to be nice and this is what I get. Don't you remember me? I mean I am not like those other guys" he paused.

"Mike, do you not get it leave the girl alone" Alice stated interfering. Thank god she was there, I just find it extremely hard to get along with guys especially after what Andrew did, I mean who knows any of these guys in the room could do the same if not worse.

"Thanks, Alice; I really do not know what I would have done without you?"

"I am just glad I was here" she said hugging me.

"So what's wrong? I mean I know Mike is very unappealing but I just don't get it"

"Get what?"Stated Edward. I mouthed to Alice later.

"Oh, just that how Alice and I cannot be in the same classes."I responded.

"So are you in this homeroom?" I asked, Edward nodded.

The rest of the day was alright, I met new people, settled into my classes and luckily I had no more encounters with Mike or any other guy. The thing I was surprised with is I did not trip, fall or injure anyone in sport, which is an upside towards my day.

As I was at my locker someone grabbed my shoulder and I screamed immensely loud, I stuck my head in my locker. Just as I thought everything was fine I just had to make a scene. I felt myself grow red and turned around to find Edward standing there with a perplexed look on his face.

"Sorry" I whispered.

I grabbed my books and was going to head off, when Edward took hold of arm and spun my around so I was looking at him.

"Bella, will you please tell me what is going on?" Edward questioned.

I never thought that school would turnout for this; I did not consider being encountered by guys it did not cross my mind. People must think I am crazy and now I have Alice and Edward questioning me. I just could not deal with all this. I bolted, I knew that this would not help, but I just needed space. I needed to be in the comfort of my own house. I got to the car park where I found myself lost and unsure of how to get back home.

"Bella, will you please get in the car, I won't question you." Edward stated.

"I need to go"

"It's not safe" Edward affirmed

"I'll manage" and walked off, but not before noticing Edward's countenance appear dismayed.

* * *

When I got home I found Charlie in the kitchen cooking, I was hoping he did not hear me so I could just go upstairs and sort myself out, yet no such luck.

"Bells, is that you "Charlie asked

"Yeah" I replied

"So, how was your day?" how to phrase this I thought.

"It was good, I met new people and the teachers are nice and plus I didn't injure anyone" I laughed.

"Well, I am glad you enjoyed it and before I forgot your mother called" I ignored the last bit and walked up to my room.

I heard Charlie sigh, he has been trying to get me to talk to my mother, but I had been ignoring all her messages and if I picked up the phone and her heard her voice I would shut it. I was just trying to forget her and move on to my new life in Forks. I am expecting too much too soon, I am the type of person who keeps their hopes up high and when something goes wrong I just fall apart and I just cannot do that now, it would ruin everything I have achieved so far. I got stuck into my homework and thought I would sleep on it. I also had to think about how I would explain myself to Alice and Edward, especially him as he witnessed part of my problem. I thought if I move to Forks I could erase the problems I had back in Arizona. I am also quite surprised that Alice and Edward did not know why I was in hospital; does that mean that Charlie does not know?


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey,**

**Sorry for the wait, this chapter would have come sooner except I lost part of it.**

**Then I found it , which is all good(:**

**Now I am pretty annoyed that not many people reviewed, I need to know what's wrong with the chapters, if you're not liking it otherwise how am I to improve?**

**All I ask for is at least 5-10 reviews so I know where to go after this.**

**And a huge thanks to Amber for editing :D**

**Chapter dedication: Dary, Yara and Menna (:**

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**Thankyou for reading this and now for the awaited chapter (:**

**p.s i would like you guys to tell me what you want to happen next...**

I woke up with a jolt, tears streaming down my face, my body sticky with sweat. _I must have had a bad dream_, I thought to myself although I couldn't remember it. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I looked horrible. My hair was sticking out in all directions, and my face was swollen as if I had been crying for a long time because I could barely open my eyes. I looked at the alarm clock, 4.30am, _wow_. Well that would give more time to fix myself up and look as normal as possible. I sat on the cold floor of the shower embracing the heat. Why couldn't I remember what happened and why had it made me cry so much? When I hopped out of the shower I looked a little calmer and not as jittery as before. I really didn't feel like going to school, but I didn't want to put on a scene.

The details from yesterday filled my mind; I had to think about how I would deal with the situation. For a start I knew that I sucked at planning what to say and every time I opened my mouth it seemed to go wrong.

I decided on blue skinny jeans, a t-shirt and a blue sweater with my white scarf. I grabbed my bag and my phone. I glanced at the screen and saw that I had ten missed calls, nine from Alice and one from Edward, _wow and I missed all of them_, Alice was probably freaking out. Then I remembered that Edward was going to pick me up but the only thing I wanted right then was to be alone so I sent him a text.

_To: Edward,_

_Hey, _

_Sorry about yesterday, I'll talk to you later about it,_

_Soz for missing your call and all of Alice's. I fell asleep early last night and didn't hear the phone:|_

_You don't need to drop by my house; I just want to be alone._

_Bella_

_X_

I went back upstairs just to double check that I looked presentable to walk into school without a hundred people doing double takes at me. The puffiness around my eyes that I had woken up with had receded to barely noticeable and there was only a little pink left so hopefully it would go away before first period. I put a whole lot of eyeliner on to make my bags look less prominent and dabbled on some mascara, usually I would never do this, but I needed to look as close to normal as possible. I pulled my hair back into a messy ponytail, letting a bit of my fringe fall across my face.

I grabbed a smoothie from the kitchen and walked out just as the harsh, cold wind swept across the front yard. I knew I needed this time to clear my head so I popped in my headphones and turned my iPod up full blast, drowning out my surroundings with the music.

As I walked into the school I took a couple of deep breaths hoping Edward and Alice wouldn't flood me with questions the second they saw me. As I looked around I saw Edward sitting on a bench with his headphones in. He had a workbook open next to him so I assumed he was studying. Well that made things easier for me. I walked up to my locker. Alice was waiting there. _Deep breaths_ I reminded myself, as I got closer I saw Alice was smiling. I smiled back and then we just drifted into normal conversation. I could deal with that for now, isn't that what I wanted? To ignore everything that happened yesterday and to move on with my life. But there was also the voice in the back of my head saying if I did ignore my past, it would eventually catch up with me.

In class Alice didn't ask me any questions about what had happened and she didn't treat me any different than normal. I was standing at my locker when Alice appeared.

"Hey, you coming to lunch today?" she asked.

"Yeah" I nodded and we walked into the cafeteria.

When we sat down I noticed that Edward and Jasper were especially quiet, whilst Alice organised a sleepover. This always involved some form of shopping.

"Alice Cullen, I refuse to go shopping ever again. At least until graduation" I groaned.

Edward and Jasper smiled.

"Please Bella?"Begged Alice, her trademark pout threatening to soften my iron will; I shook my head so she turned to Edward and Jasper.

"Edward, Jasper" Alice said abruptly; Jasper had his iPod dangling from his ear, whilst Edward sat playing with his food. They both looked up expectantly "Bella and I are going for a walk" they both nodded.

Alice led me out of the Cafeteria and outside. The fierce wind from this morning had returned, lashing at our faces and throwing our hair around. I tightened my scarf and caught up with Alice.

"Alice," I paused to make sure she was listening. She turned towards me so I continued. "What's wrong with Edward and Jasper"?

She sighed and waited a few seconds before answering. "It's Emmett. They both miss him"

"Emmett is like Jasper's big brother, but with him and Rosalie gone, it's kind of hard to adjust. You know it hasn't been that long since they left. You did know they have left right?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "They left a message on our answering machine, but that was the day that Charlie and I went fishing."

"I miss her. Rosalie, I mean." Alice mumbled as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Alice, we all miss her. It will take time to get used to it. But think of it like this; they promised to come for visits and I know it must be extremely hard because they're your big brother and your best friend, but just think. They are going to come back with a diploma each and think of how many opportunities that will give them."

"You're right." I gave her a gentle hug and she smiled softly.

We approached a large tree and Alice motioned for me to sit down underneath it.

"Edward misses them both as well, but there's more to the story" Alice let out a shuddering breath.

"You remember how I said Edward and I were close when he was trying to deal with the loss of you." I raised my eyebrows clearly confused, but let Alice go on. "I was there, but then after Edward tried to kill himself Emmett put his foot down." She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it hard. "After you left, Emmett would always say to me 'You're a girl Alice. You help Edward' and believe me I tried so hard." The tears streamed down her face, but I knew she needed to go on so I took her hand and squeezed it to reassure her.

"Emmett sort of left him to figure himself out, but when he attempted suicide nobody could handle that, Especially Emmett. Esme and Carlisle were extremely gentle and just watched him carefully" she stopped talking and we sat in silence watching the football team train on the field nearby.

"Emmett lost it at Edward. He told him how disappointed in him he was. He kept asking him how he could do this to the people he loves." Alice started crying again so I reminded her to take deep breaths and slowly, she continued. "Bella, he was the one who helped Edward. He showed Edward that he needed to be tough and suck it up. He helped him see that something like football could help him recover sort of. I think Edward is having a hard time dealing with everything. You know how Edward is, he is supposed to be the man of the house when Carlisle is not around and I think he believes he isn't strong enough, he's still comparing himself to Emmett."

He needs someone to talk to, somebody outside the family that isn't biased like we are. He still hasn't recovered. Even after everything we tried to do for him." Alice pulled her knees to her chest, and I put my arms around her so she could rest her head on my shoulders. I had never realised how much Alice had had to deal with. "I just want him to get better" she whispered.

"We all do, Ali." I said quietly.

"Ali, you know I will do everything I possibly can to help him, right?" I looked straight into her eyes.

"Bella, the one thing you need to remember when you are with him is that he needs you no matter what. He is trying to push everyone away and he will drive you insane a lot of the time and you'll just want to walk away but he needs you." I nodded in a silent promise. I knew I would try my best. "And I am only saying this because you're my friend and I really care for Edward. So please Bella, don't ruin what you have with him" I was hurt that she'd think that I would do that but I nodded. I had never seen Alice like this, her hazel eyes pierced mine. "Okay, enough about my problems. I'm really worried about what happened yesterday." I was surprised at how she could change the subject so abruptly, but she was clearly very concerned about it.

"Did Edward tell you what happened?" I covered my face with my hands, I was so embarrassed.

Alice laughed loudly and slapped my shoulder playfully.

"Bella, you know that Edward is one of the most secretive people on the planet. You might tell him everything, but he won't tell you anything, just be aware of that "I nodded "just tell me what happened."

"I guess the best place to start is the beginning. Charlie rang me up and told me about the letters and that's when I realised Renee had been hiding them. I was so angry and we had a really bad fight, which was nothing unusual. Anyways Phil hit me and I kind of overreacted. One of the neighbours saw what had happened and, being naïve, I went with him. I was just hoping that I would be able to call Charlie and everything would be okay again." I took a breath. Maybe telling Alice about this wasn't such a great idea. "His name was Andrew". As soon as I acknowledged his name I could see his piercing blue eyes all over again.

Suddenly I realised that Charlie would have known because I had called him and had given him the address. But then again it is my father I'm talking about and I think he would rather it if I talked it over with Alice or Esme.

"Bella?" Alice shook my shoulder. I looked at her then glanced back at the team playing on the field. I have always found it incredibly difficult to look into someone's eyes and tell a story, especially one that is the cause of so many painful memories.

"Andrew was really nice at first but then one second he started acting really weird and then he took me to his room and just started hitting me over and over. Then the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital"

"Oh my god Bella" Alice crawled closer and pulled me to her in a fierce hug; I could feel her tears sliding down my neck.

"Do you have any scars?" she whispered softly.

"Yeah, just on my ribs, but they are fading. Sort of." Alice's face was hard to read but I could tell she was hurting for what had happened to me.

Alice whispered "we all thought you had just fallen down the stairs" she looked like she was in shock and I could feel her arms shaking.

"Alice, I'm okay now. I'm here aren't I?" I tried to shrug nonchalantly but Alice saw right through it.

"With Mike, were you scared he would do something?" she asked softly.

"Partly; Andrew had these piercing blue eyes and Mike's eyes reminded me of them. They are like the eyes of a cat that is just sitting there. They were so scary." I shook my head trying to get rid of the image. Andrew's eyes were like a flashlight behind mine, constantly there, tormenting my mind.

"Yesterday Edward grabbed my shoulder and I didn't know it was him. I screamed because I couldn't handle it. When I saw it was him I just couldn't confront him, I just needed to clear my thoughts. I couldn't tell him then but now I think that's the only way to help him understand. What if he can't though? What will I do?"

"Bells, he'll understand. Just have a little faith in him" she said as she squeezed my hand.

As I got into the car I took a deep breath. I knew that I couldn't delay telling Edward any longer but there was still that doubt that he would treat me differently or look at me with his eyes heavy with pity which I couldn't handle. Edward got in beside me and closed the door gently. I glanced at him and for a second I couldn't breathe. _Weird, _I thought to myself,_ I completely blanked out._ Edward gave me a small smile and then started driving. I could feel the awkwardness in the silence between us. I sighed quietly. I would never be strong enough; there was always something in me that kept me passive. The drive was so quiet and I struggled for something I could say but the words kept getting stuck in the back of my throat. I turned and stared out the window, not really paying attention to my surroundings. _How could I sort this out? _

Edward stopped the car and I realised we were at our 'secret place', where the two swings sat side by side. I couldn't help but flash Edward a wide smile. Edward smiled back and gently wrapped my hand in his warm one. His touch sent a sharp jolt of electricity through my skin and I tried to shake the weird feelings that had popped into my mind.

I pulled my hand from Edward's and ran to a swing. I heard the swing next to me gently squeak and knew Edward was there waiting for me to start explaining. When I didn't start, he gently pulled my hand into his again and started rubbing soft, small circles onto the back of my hand. My eyes fluttered and I felt my heart skip about eight beats. I couldn't brush of these feelings I kept having. Were they real or was it just because I had missed my friend?

I met Edwards eyes and was instantly lost. His eyes were perfect green orbs and they made me feel like nothing could ever hurt me. So why did I find it so hard to tell him? He's my best friend and I didn't want to lose him, but what if he just leaves because he doesn't want someone as broken as me, someone who is so beyond repair. What if he sees me as some vulnerable child that he feels responsible for?

I started to grow restless as I thought all of this over. My heart was pounding in my ears and I just needed to move.

"Let's take a walk" I suggested.

The trees around us were covered in blossoms; this helped calm me and it made it easier. I turned away from Edward and pulled a blossom from a low branch. It was so small and I couldn't help but admire its beauty.

"If I tell you it won't be the same. You're going to look at me differently" I whispered unsteadily.

"Nothing could change the way I see you Bella." he whispered. He stepped closer and put his hand softly on my chin, tilting it towards him. I pulled away from him and moved out of his reach, just enough so that he could see me.

"When you grabbed me yesterday I screamed because of something that happened to me. I thought you were Andrew. He scared me I was badly hurt."

"He hurt you?" his voice filled with anguish and I had to fight the urge to go and hug him.

"I needed to leave my mum and I went with him thinking he would help me but I just ended up in hospital because he beat me up." I looked at the ground when I said this but looked up again when I heard Edward groan loudly.

"I want to kill him" Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Please Edward" I whispered gently as the tears escaped my eyes.

"He didn't... he didn't do anything... sexual to you did he?" Edward asked in a strangled whisper.

It was the last thing I would have thought he would ask and a little awkward if you ask me, but I could tell he was having a difficult time taking in what I was telling him.

"No. He just hit and kicked me over and over." I sobbed. I was waiting for him to tell me I was screwed up and for him to just walk away, so I was shocked when I felt his warm, shaking arms slide around my waist and pull me to him. I pulled back so that I could see his face. His eyes were flooded with tears that were threatening to flood over.

"Please say something Edward" I begged quietly.

"I can't believe this!" he muttered under his breath. "This guy has really hurt you; I can see that just from the way you talk about him. If it had been worse, if you hadn't made it to the hospital..."

"I'm okay. Let's just be happy with that for now." I pulled him as close as I could, never wanting to let go. It had never even struck me that he would be hurt by what had happened to me. I had thought he would reject me because I was such a mess.

Being in Edward's arms reminded me of the safety of his eyes. When he was with me nothing could ever hurt me again. I was safe from the world and I just wanted to melt into his chest. Knowing he cared about me was like having a huge burden taken off of me and I felt guilty for ever thinking that Edward would desert me.

I realised I was crying again but this time it wasn't because of hate or pain.

I was finally free. I had finally let go of that part of me that was hurting and maybe, just maybe, I was slowly recovering a bit of my old self. I was becoming me again.

**I know you guys just want Edward and Bella to be together.... and its so tempting but I have to keep to this storyline**


	17. Chapter 17

The weeks progressed slowly, yet I was becoming used to living with Charlie, having the Cullen's over and going to their house. School was helping me settle in and gradually I had the courage to not be worried about teen boys who may harm me. From an outsiders perspective my life would be perfect.

Everything was going well except for the nightmares, they were horrific. I would wake up crying, sweaty, my body rigid and stiff, yet I couldn't tell what was happening. I was stuck in a forest that was all I could decipher from these dreams.

As I walked downstairs, I noticed Charlie cooking pancakes; I kissed him on the cheek and sat on the bench awaiting the meal.

"Hey, Dad, have I ever told you, you're the best cook ever" I grinned, while feeding my famished stomach, he just chuckled softly.

"Umm, Alice's sleepover is tonight, can I go" I asked

"Of course"

As I walked into the school gates Alice charged towards me.

"Hello, to you too" I said as I was being crushed.

For a small girl she had some powerful energy.

"I cannot wait for the sleepover it's gonna be so fun" Alice squealed.

"Should I be scared then?" I questioned jokingly.

"Maybe" she winked and then danced over to Jasper.

I found it surprising that Alice has many burdens on her shoulders, yet she is a vibrant, vivacious girl with a beautiful personality. Sometimes I wished I was like her, the way she covers up her fears and tears makes me wonder. As I watched from afar Alice was the light of the group, with her bubbly personality she brightened up Edward and Jasper.

I smiled to myself and walked to my locker, I loved how Alice could make everyone happy and feel good inside even when they didn't.

School passed by quickly and I found myself anticipating the sleepover at Alice's.

As I hopped in the car with Edward I noticed a CD case. I opened it and there it was, the CD of my childhood. I remember my mother always putting on Clair De Lune for me. I gazed at it in awe.

"You listen to Debussy" I asked shocked as my eyes widened.

"Hmm, yeah, it makes me calm; it's almost like mediation to me." Edward smiled softly.

"Hello, dears, how was your day?" Esme asked.

"Good" we replied in unison.

"We have so much planning to do" Alice grabbed my arm and led me to her room.

She started pacing up and down, "what to start with?" she questioned.

Her face beamed with excitement, I was slightly scared as I know Alice can be outrageous at times.

"Okay, now I didn't tell you our plans, but we are going out for dinner, so time to dress up" she clapped elatedly.

"No, Alice no Bella Barbie or outrageous clothing" I groaned.

"Please" I begged.

"Okay, fine, but either way you'll be beautiful" she smiled.

"Highly unlikely" I assured her.

"Hey, have you spoken to your mother yet?" she asked.

Alice knew how I was ignoring my mother's phone calls and encouraged me to speak to her. I shook my head.

"Bella, I know your mother has hurt you deeply, but at least speak to her "she urged.

"Alice, you don't understand, it is not that easy, all the hurt and pain. If I speak to her it will all come out in screams and cries." I took a shaky breath.

"I know that I will never be able to understand what trauma you went through, but through my eyes I think about what if Seme did that instead and how would I feel. Mostly I would probably want answers." She gushed.

"Yes, but your mother wouldn't do something like that because she cares for you and wouldn't run away with some man, nor cheat on Carlisle"

It killed me to admit, but my mother is not a good person inside or out. She didn't do things right and to some extent she is a selfish person with desires to only fulfil her needs.

"Bella, you don't know that, you just assuming. You were a child, you saw things differently." Her eyes pierced into mine.

"Please just give her a chance, before you or her decide to cut the cords, for goodness sake she is your mother, whether you like it or not." She uttered.

I knew Alice was immensely annoyed and frustrated with me, and for this it distressed me. My best friend was disappointed in me and this made me feel guilty. I would try to keep a relationship with my mother, for those whom I loved.

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I was appeared different. Alice had curled my hair and wrapped in a bun, with a few strands out. I had black skinny jeans with a blue, lace top with a tint of eyeliner.

I would never ever boast about my looks, but I liked the new look. It made me feel less insecure about myself, even if it was for only one night.

As I walked down the drive way I felt arms snake my waist and pull me to the ground, I yelped in horror, yet I was faced with Edward. I smiled and he smiled back, whilst an aggravated Alice stood there glaring at the scene.

"Edward for god sake I just fixed Bella up and you ruin her in less than a minute, grow up" she stormed to the car, while I covered my mouth in giggles.

"I quite like the new look" he murmured, I just blushed and kept walking down the driveway.

As I gazed at Edward, he was in a dark blue button up shirt, complementing his muscles and black, washed out jeans.

When we arrived at the restaurant I was amazed there sitting in the corner was Emmett and Rosalie. It was such a beautiful surprise, the highlight of the evening.

As we sat we talked, caught up on everything a most importantly had a good time. For one night I could forget about the torturous nightmares, the sorrow for my father and my mother's horrific actions, because everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves I decided to do so too.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's, we decided to have a massive sleepover in the lounge room, watching movies.

"So what are we going to watch guys" Emmett bellowed.

"Confessions of a shopaholic" Alice yelled.

"Nope, too boring plus I am the guest" Emmett smiled, whilst Alice pouted.

"How about the uninvited" Rosalie suggested.

"Maybe, but guys this is Bella's first movie night, so we'll let her decide"

"Thanks for being so generous Emmett" Alice grunted.

"Let's see what you've got" I tossed and pulled until I found it, my all time favourite movie.

"I choose just like heaven" I smiled.

When I woke up, I realised this was the only night in such a long time that I had not woken up screaming or crying from a nightmare. I was in the weirdest position, yet was so comfortable. I was lying adjacent to Edward his arm around waist and my head on his chest. As I lay here, I could feel the irregular heart beats of mine pacing, my head was pounding.

I really wanted to understand all these weird reactions and feelings that were going on inside me, it was probably just hormones I thought.

As I walked into the house I heard Charlie's soft voice speak into the receiver.

"Renee, if you want to talk or need anything I am right here" my dad whispered.

My heart almost broke right then, after all he had been through and all the pain and hurt my mother caused he was still able to have compassion and feel love for her. It made me feel stupid that I was holding a grudge and that my father was able to forgive her straight away.

"Renee, I forgive you if that's what you're worried about" he murmured as he placed his hands over his head.

Knowing me to be clumsy at the best of times I dropped my keys on the floor.

"Is that you Bells?" Charlie asked as he turned his head around.

I smiled and placed my bags on the floor and yelled "yes".

"Dammit Renee, I have not been keeping Bella from you, in fact I have been urging and encouraging her to call you." He sighed defeated.

I knew for a fact that my mother could always twist things and blame people; she always needed to win the argument.

"I can see where you're coming from, but Bella and I are two different people and you have to understand that Bella may not forgive or forget as easy as I do."

"Please, Renee, do not hassle her, she's been through enough and even you can agree on that."

'I'm so sorry', I mouthed to my father, and he nodded his head.

"Come speak to your mum"

"Hello mum" I said shakily. I wondered why I was so scared from my mother.

"Oh, Bella it's so nice to hear your voice" my mother spoke softly.

"Enough with the talking up, just get to the point, why do you keep calling me? What is it that you want?"

"Honestly Bella, I just wanted to see how you were, but there is also something I need to discuss with you in person"

"So, you just expect me to come waltzing back into your life just like that." I questioned angrily.

"No, of course not sweetheart, I wanted to come down and visit, so when would be an appropriate time"

"Never" I whispered.

"Please, Bella it's extremely important" I heard sniffles.

"Fine, next weekend" I grumbled and slammed that phone in her face.

Maybe I was too harsh on my mother; I just did not know how to act with her. I mean she comes back and I bet all she wants is forgiveness so she can be happy in her perfect world, while everyone around her is hurt and broken. She hurt so many people in the process to gain what she wanted, for something I don't even know.

Just looking at my father shows how much pain he is in, he still has pictures of him and Renee. I can tell he still loves her deeply, but he is broken from her departure.


	18. Chapter 18

"Bella" I heard my dad's soft voice calling me, I groaned in response and turned around.

"Come on we have to go to the airport" I groaned even louder.

"Dad" I whined.

I was completely not ready to do this and why did I have to wake up early and greet my mother of all people.

"Come on Bella, please" my Dad urged.

I stomped out of the bedroom and had a shower, this just really frustrated me. My mother decided to come on the weekend so we could "talk", I could guess two things, either she wants forgiveness so she just go back to that perfect world of hers, or she'll announce something like I am getting married. I just thought of the fact that when she goes I could be free and live my life and forget all about her.

I cannot even comprehend how she could just come waltzing back to all the people she hurt. All I know is that my father still loves her so he'll do anything for her; I just hope he doesn't tell her to stay in out house while she's 'visiting'. But I also know that my father would never do something to hurt or make things worse for me.

As I got out of the shower I noticed it was sunny outside, the day I have to meet my mum, everything needs to be blissful and happy. I decided on a blue skinnys and a blue t-shirt, I left my hair out and met Charlie in the cruiser.

"Hey" my Dad smiled and started the car

"Hi" I replied apprehension leaking in my voice.

"Bells, everything will be okay and if your mother distresses you just call me. She is not bringing Phil or anyone else and she is not going to be staying long" he squeezed my shoulder.

I knew Charlie knew I was distressed, heck I was facing the woman who took everything away from me, she tried to eliminate everyone but herself from my life. Yet I knew I had to be strong because I was doing this for the people around me. I thought of Alice and how proud she would be, so I put on a brave face.

With Debussy playing in the background I felt my qualm relax. The thing I loved about Charlie was he knew when I just needed time to think and breathe, whereas my mother would always talk because to her communication equals great relationships, I totally disagree with this, look at where it has placed Renee and I.

I glanced at Charlie, he looked so tired and distressed and I wondered what was causing him so much pain. I knew my mother's departure caused turmoil in his life and had a major effect, but Charlie never looked this rundown before.

"Hey, Dad is everything okay?" I questioned.

"Hmm, yeah its fine" he smiled; but I could tell it was a false smile.

I came to the assumption it was something at work or maybe he didn't have a good night sleep.

As I directed my eyes, we drove through the airport; I took a deep breath as Charlie parked the car.

I decided to hang around the Café while Charlie sorted when Renee's flight would come.

I sat on the counter with my coffee and croissant, when I heard a loud yell.

"Bella" my mother waved happily with a wide grin on her face.

I rolled my eyes at my mother's naivety; she thought she could come and make everything okay, boy was she wrong. I walked over to her and monotonously said "Hi", whilst Charlie and her talked.

I placed my iPod in my ear and walked over to the car. As usual Renee was trying to get my attention; I completely ignored her and pretended to sleep. Her chirpiness was bugging me, how could she just be so happy, had she not looked at Charlie properly. I guess not, she was probably talking about how great her life was. I honestly congratulate my father for being able to put up with all that, it amazes me how my father's worry had disappeared, so this is what love does.

As we got into the house I saw Renee's face lighten as she saw all the pictures of her and Charlie still hanging up. She sighed softly, maybe she missed it. Oh well it was her fault as she decided to leave him. Charlie and her were talking in hushed whispers so I decided to go to my room to give them space.

I decided to do my homework, when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in" I replied and then I heard a gasp.

"Your room is beautiful Bella" Renee stated smiling.

"Hmm, yeah Alice did it" I replied uninterested in where this conversation was going.

She kept starting at my room with a worried look on her face.

"Okay, just get to the point, why are you here?" I questioned angrily.

"I needed to talk to you in person" she smiled sadly, what did she have to be sad about.

She sat on the edge of my bed with her hands on her head.

I could not stand the awkward silence so I suggested we go take a walk in the park to sort things out.

As we walked Renee sat on the bench and I followed.

"Bella, I am not here to tell you this so you pity me and I can understand if you hate me and never forgive me but I just wanted you to know everything and I wanted it to come out of my own mouth." She babbled. I nodded allowing her to continue.

"Bella there are many reasons why I took you away with me." She sighed dejectedly; I gazed at my mother her eyes were directed at the children playing in the park.

"You may not remember when you were younger, but I was out a lot and your father was so patient yet he always questioned me and this was something I hid from him." She took a deep breath.

In my head I thought of Phil, let me guess she probably wanted to make it sound like none of it was her fault.

"To really understand everything Bella, you have to know ever since I knew your father I was the strong one, the one who ruled the relationship I was the dominant figure, that's just how it was." She slightly smiled to herself

"So when I found out I was sick, I had to hide it from him, I didn't want Charlie to see me as feeble and weak." I nodded allowing her to go on.

In my head I was questioning so much, what was she sick with, but what amazed me was my mother was the power figure in the marriage, rarely do you ever see that. Yet there also could be the fact that my mother was just making up a bunch of lies for me to believe her as a way of forgiveness.

"Bella, I have breast Cancer, I have had it since you were six" a tear slid down her cheek.

Wow Mum, I was really in the dark huh, just put it out there after all these years.

"What...how...why?" my mouth was blubbering.

Yet what I couldn't understand is why she wouldn't tell my father and they could deal with it together, what is running away going to do with it and how was Phil equated with this. I need answers.

"I don't understand any of this... Phil" I said perplexed.

"When I found out, I used to sit here in this park; just over there was a baseball field. I sat there and just watched it was a way of forgetting about what was happening to me."

"Phil played there and he helped me through all of this. When he started showing affection for me, I felt it too and I knew I could not hurt Charlie like that so I left." She had tears running down her face.

"But aren't you happy with Phil" I questioned, why was she crying then.

"Bella, it will never be the same. Phil is gone and I am not saying this so you feel sorry for me. I made a humongous mistake and I wish I could take everything back so it could just be Charlie, you and me" she whispered, and took a depth breath.

"I took everything away from everyone I Love. The reason I took you was because I was selfish. I thought if I took everyone away you would forget them as you were a child. But I also thought you would have me to turn to. I made an immense mistake that I cannot undo and I am deeply sorry Bella." She broke down.

"But Bella I learnt so much, I hurt you and everyone and I don't know what to do?"

"There is not anything you can do, you will never be able to take away the pain" I stated, she nodded in agreement.

I watched out of the corner of my eye and saw children and their mothers embracing each other. I edged closer to my mother and let her cry her heart out. I did not even understand what made me do this but all the anguish and anger had disappeared and that is when I realised that is what love does, it takes away your fears and makes you feel secure.

_Flashback_

"_Mummy, gwampa gone" I whispered, she nodded and held me to her chest._

_I cried and cried like a piece of my heart was missing._

_I whimpered shaking with tears caressing my face harshly, "Shh" my mother whispered softly, untangling my hair and kissing it._

"_Hurt...hurt...hurt" I whispered incoherently._

_Renee wiped my tears gently and placed her forehead against mine._

_She brushed her hand and wiped the tears, "its okay baby" she whispered hugging me tightly to her chest. I felt warm, secure and loved._

_I remember lying there half awake and aware of what was going on around me, my eyes felt dizzy so I closed my eyes again. I felt a gently squeeze in my hand and felt something wet land on them, tears._

"_Be brave Bella, please" I heard the urgency in the voice as her tears fell onto my hand._

"_Please wake up Bella, I need you" she squeezed my hand._

"_I love you" she murmured gently and kissed my forehead._

_I remember as she said those words that I opened my eyes..._

I now realised that it was my mother who woke me up, she saved me and looking back it was her love that reassured me of everything.

Renee sniffled and brought he face close to mine "Bella, do not ever let anyone control you. I want you to be your own person. What I did was utterly wrong, and I am not here for you to forgive me, but I want you to be strong Bella because you are much better than I, you take after you Dad and for that I am happy." She kissed my forehead lightly.

"Mum, I never realised this is why you left and I know that things could have been different, but you followed what you thought was right and I cannot help but forgive you because I can also see you have suffered through everything." A tear glided down my cheek.

"Even though I got hurt and so did the Cullens, we all need to learn from our mistakes and I wish you would have told me earlier. I would not have been so harsh on you" I whispered.

"You would not have understood" she murmured holding my hand.

"You are so wise for your years; I cannot believe I damaged the people I loved." She spoke softly

"Bella, why are you so forgiving to me, I mean less than an hour ago you were completely hostile." Renee appeared confused.

"Because I have come to the realisation that hating you will not do anything and I cannot hate you any more knowing how strong you are" I sniffled.

"Bella..." and there we were both crying our eyes out. I felt all the pain leave my mother, like it was something she had been holding for a very long time. I now realised how insensitive and naive I had been towards my mother and if I could have gone back I would not have said such awful things about my mother. I understand that my mother hurt people, but it was not her intention and resenting her only hurt, for the one thing I desired most was for was to have a family who cared and loved me.

As Renee brushed her tears she spoke the words I truly wanted to hear "No matter what happens Bella I love you and always will" she murmured twisting my hair. As she said that the tears blurred my vision, looking back a couple of hours ago I would not have thought anything like this would have changed my mind.

"Bella, I know the things I did to you were so horrible, so I really do thank you for your forgiveness, honestly if I could take back all the awful things I did I would. I just cannot believe I was so naive, I was completely self centred." She rambled on.

"When we left I remember Esme always used to call and at first I wanted to keep the relationship but I just thought if I pushed them all away I could have a happy life. Bella I just wanted you there beside me if I died because you always made me feel strong Bella." She sobbed.

"I cannot fix any of this, everyone else is going to hate me" she cried.

"Mum, no one hates you believe me I am at the Cullens all the time. Alice even encouraged me to talk you; they do not hate you because everything is as back to normal as it can be. Mum we will mend the hurt. I know you feel so guilty and that's not going to change but at least tell everyone why you did what you did and I am sure they will understand." I rubbed her back softly.

"Bella, you don not understand I hurt Esme's children. A mother never wants her child in pain; she will never forgive me Bella, because that is how mothers are."

"Mum, please just do this for me" I solicited.

I knew Esme would forgive my mother because they grew up together in high school, Esme knows my mother the best, she knows my mother's personality and rash behaviour.

"Okay" she whispered delicately.

"Mum, do you still have breast cancer" I asked, she nodded.

"What's...going to happen?" I questioned as the tears spilled out.

"Shh, Bella everything will be fine, don't worry about this." She hugged me close and wiped the tears away.

I woke up with my body feeling so sore and weak, in the corner my mother was sitting in the chair sleeping. I glanced outside the sunrise was just coming up. I put my slippers on and went outside. I stepped outside and saw my dad standing there with a blank expression on his face.

"Hey" I whispered.

"Bella" he stifled a yawn I sat in the chair next to him.

"Dad, please tell me what is hurting you so much" I pleaded with tears threatening to spill down.

"Oh Bells, please don't cry." He placed my head on his shoulder and I started to weep, whatever hurt my father would hurt me too as he was the one who stood so strong in my life and pulled everything together.

"Bella, it will be hard for you to understand, but last night Renee told me everything. When she called she told me parts but we sat and talked and it just hurts." He whispered, the gentle breeze from the trees gave me shivers up my spine.

"Dad" I whispered.

"Yeah"

"Is everything going to work out" I uttered.

"Bella, things will work out, but it will never be the same." He whispered.

I stifled my cries and walked inside, I should have known my parents would never get back together, but I held onto a tiny bit of hope that everything would repair itself. I felt so weak and there was nothing I was able to do everything had just bombarded me. I fell on my floor and just wept, everything that I held in just came out, all the hurt, anger, anguish. I wondered why I could not just have a stable life, why did things have to be so horrible.

As I walked over to my desk I found a box with a note stuck on it.

_Bella,_

_Here are the letters,_

_I am so sorry :(_

_Mum_

I thought of all the pain Alice and Edward had gone through because of my mother, yet as I glanced at her I could not hate her she showed me love and care even if she had not in the past.

I opened the lid carefully and inside was the letters; I took a depth breath and read the first letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_It's Alice your bestest friend in the whole world. _

_I miss you lots, everyone is sad because you're gone._

_Please come back we all miss you, please..._

_Emmett promises to not play anymore jokes on you and me and Rosalie wont play Bella Barbie, just come back. _I noticed the tear stain after that sentence.

_Its no fun without you, I do not even like school anymore and Edward is always angry and quiet now. He does not even talk to me and I am sad Bella. I need you to come so we can all be happy again_

_P.s I put a picture of me so you don't forget me, send a picture of you._

_Reply soon_

_Love you lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots lots_

_Alice_

As I finished the letter tears spilled down my cheek, even at such a young age Alice had an immensely special place in m heart. Just listening to he hurt as a child, distressed me so much

As I glanced at the picture, it was Alice lying in her garden with flowers surrounding her. It was such a beautiful picture, her faced looked solemn, her eyes closed and her hair swaying. It looked surreal, so carefree and serene.


	19. Chapter 19

As we sat in the Cullen's living room, I could feel my mother's apprehension wavering over me. I silently prayed that everything would be easy on my mother as she had endured and suffered a lot. Yet I knew that everyone would understand. I squeezed my mother's hand gently and smiled at her, hoping to heal all the apprehension surrounding her. I remembered when I came and had to tell everyone what happened and how nervous I was, so I felt for my mother. I quietly whispered to mother "I know how nervous you're feeling, I had to go through the same" I assured her.

"Bella, it was not your fault and you were a child" she uttered back.

Esme came out of the kitchen with chocolates and cake and smiled gently at my mother.

"Renee, how have you been" she gently inquired.

"Well, thankyou Esme."

"Esme, I am extremely sorry I have not been a good friend at all for the past eight years. What I did was wrong and I hurt everyone you cared about in the meantime and I know words will never fix the hurt or the pain." Tears cascaded down her face and i gently squeezed her hand again.

I noticed Edward's face was contorted in concentration. I could tell he was trying not to glare at my mother. I know inside that Edward had a good heart, yet this was the woman who almost caused his demise, so I could slightly understand his hostility towards my mother. I noticed my mother glance at him and he nodded his head in acknowledgement. The last thing that I needed right now was for Edward to be angry with my mother.

"May I please be excused" Edward genuinely asked.

"Of course sweetheart" Esme replied.

"Renee, we all go through hardship one way or another. I will never be mad at you, concerned yes, but never mad. I know you Renee, you have your reasons for everything." She patted my mother on the back lightly.

"Esme, I was extremely selfish, I did what I did because I wanted Bella right beside me before I died. I am not saying the last words so that you forgive, but just so that you understand my intentions, I found out I had breast cancer and I though I was strong from keeping it from Charlie and developing feelings for another man who just walked out my life. I just thought I could start a new life" she gushed breathing heavily.

"Oh, dear Renee, why did not tell me, we could have gone through this together, even if you wanted to take Bella. You know I would have stood strong for you because you are my best friend and you know I have always felt broken without you." A tear slid silently from Esme's cheek.

I had never realised how close my mother and her were until now, they had developed a friendship just like Alice and I.

"But, I thankyou so much for telling me Renee, I needed to know, it clears so much up. I forgive you because I need you, I could never have a best friend after you. First I need you to forgive yourself, it is the only way you will relet the people you need back in your life" she whispered, my mother nodded.

They started speaking about high school, so I made this my cue to get up and talk to Edward.

I knocked on the door softly, "Come in" I heard a dejected Edward.

"Hey" I whispered edging myself on his bed.

"Hi" he replied, he seemed to be in hard concentration with his work.

"Okay, I am going to get straight to the point Edward. I know you are immensely angry at my mother, but you being angry at her is never going to fix anything." I mumbled.

Edward groaned in complete frustration, "Bella, it's not like you understand she is your mother so you would go running back to her even if she hurt you in the process. But you will never understand what I suffered, no one will." He sighed exasperated.

My anger was rising; I could not believe he could be so insensitive about my mother.

"I cannot believe you, you just assuming my mother ran away with a man for her happily ever after, just like I did, but you never heard her reasons or anything, instead you just went up sulking to your room."

"Bella, you are not going to fix this, don't you get it. I am not going to forgive her for what she did" he stated stubbornly.

"Well maybe if you listened she did it for a reason, she wanted to be strong in front of my father, and she took me away because she wanted to be with me as she was scared she was going to die from her breast cancer" I whimpered.

I trudged downstairs, tears blurring my vision. I couldn't not believe this, the one person who was supposed to be there for me, just did not understand anything; he just believed what he wanted, without even giving my mother a chance. I know I had done this so it made me look like a hypocrite, yet It saddened my deeply, that he could not at least try and make amends with my mother. She was here to apologise, he would probably never see my mother again.

I understood she hurt him and he will never be healed from his traumatic experience, but wouldn't it help to just find out the reasons, wouldn't that put him in a little ease, less hurt and pain. I heard all the shushed whispers and calls, but I ignored them, I had been hurt too much this week. I thought coming here would fix things, make me a stronger person, yet I was always mad and angry with someone in my life. I just wished things would just stop and be easy ...

"Bye mum" I whispered softly and gave her hug.

"Be strong for me honey" she whispered as she gently brushed her hand with my cheek and kissed me on the forehead.

I waved goodbye whilst the tears blurred my vision, through everything I thought I had lost my mother. I saw Charlie reluctantly hug Renee; I knew how hard it was for him after all he had been through. But I could also see how hard it was for him to be angry with her. He smiled gently at her and ushered her off to the plane. My dad was so strong to let her go again, yet I also knew that the pain must be taking over him to allow her back in.

I noticed Alice's chirpiness as we headed to science, she just kept babbling, yet all I could make of it was a camping trip.

"Alice, you cannot be serious" I questioned.

"I am and your father agreed" she poked her tongue at me immaturely. I rolled my eyes.

"But Alice, you know how clumsy I am" she smiled, and I sighed grudgingly.

Now all I had to look forward to was camping in the bush and thinking of all the dangers that could happen to me.

As we walked through the bush to the site, I got immensely scared; I am not a fan of the bush. It was sunset time when we reached our destination, just a little out of Forks. I noticed Edward standing there setting up the tents. Was she not aware that Edward and I were fighting? I nudged Alice at little too hard and she glared up at me.

"What was that for" she questioned annoyed.

"Do you not know that Edward and I are not talking" I whispered harshly to her.

"Oh, I am well aware of that and that's what this trip was for, Mediation time" she clapped her hands happy at her achievement, I just glared harshly back at her.

"I am going for a walk" I grumbled.

I thought that Alice would follow me or make Edward come after me, but they didn't follow and for that I was happy. I just needed space away from them.

I walked and walked until my feet killed me. I decided to sit for a while, whilst there was still some sun and read Tess of the D'Urbervilles. Before I knew it, I felt two arms grab me and I opened my eyes up wearily. I saw a flash of emerald and whispered

"Edward" I whispered rubbing my eyes, he nodded in acknowledgement.

"You can put me down" I tried wriggling out.

"Just stay put" he whispered gently.

"Edward please just put me down" I said a little harsh.

"Bella, I don't want things this way" he sighed putting his hand in his hair; I felt a tingle in my body as his breath caressed my face. He placed me down on the ground.

"Bella, please say something" he urged tapping my arm; I just shrugged my shoulders in defeat.

"Bella, I am sorry about your mother, but she hurt me and you need to understand that" he murmured, I nodded silently.

At least things were slightly better between us. It just amazed me how things could just keep changing, I wanted things to just stay stable for a while, so I could my feet on the ground instead of worrying too much.

We sat around the fire talking and roasting marshmallows, until our eyes got weary.

_I was walking in a forest, all green surrounded me. I could hear muffled voices and whimpering cries. But I couldn't see anyone; it was like I was trapped in a glass box. I didn't know what was happening; it was like everything was happening in fast motion, everything was a blur, all I could see was darkness and the soil being pulled out by a spade. I could see people's mouths moving but I could not see their faces. Darkness surrounded me until I fell in a massive, dark hole. _

I could feel my lungs screaming as I tossed and turned, my eyes would not wake themselves up. I could feel hands on me, shaking me.

I slowly opened my lids as a hand brushed my forehead.

"Are you okay" Edward whispered with concern.

"I'm fine" I croaked and rolled over.

"Bella" Edward sighed; I turned my head to face him.

"You know everything can still be the same" he whispered, touching my shoulder lightly.

"Yeah I know and they are" I smiled and tossed back over.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey reviewers**

**I am really sorry about not updating for heaps long, but year 11 has been hectic so yeah…**

**My apologies and more chapters are on its way.**

**I would like to welcome my new readers and I would really appreciate it if you all reviewed.**

**I know it's a short chapter and the next few will be because they need to in order for the story to flow. **

I sat flipping through photo albums of my childhood. It is so much easier being a child with no worries or troubles, life seems wonderful. I reminiscence over my childhood happiness, I wish my parents had stayed together, now going back to my normal life was immensely difficult. I was so used to my mother constantly being there, waking up to her amazing breakfasts and chirpy persona made my day. I never really cherished the time with my mother; I could never imagine my life any different. She showed me so much with the short time she was here, she was so brave and courageous it truly inspired me. I just wished that things were easier for everyone, just once I wish I could know what its like to know what family truly means.

Since I had the day to myself I decided to just relax. I went outside and sat on the veranda with my favourite book, Tess of the D'Urbervilles. I hadn't realised that I had fallen asleep until I heard Charlie gently waking me up.

As I looked around it was sunset, wow I thought, I practically slept the whole day.

I decided to call my mum, before I had to start school again.

"Hello", I heard my mother say.

"Hi, mum", I replied.

"Bella sweetheart how are you?"

"I am good how's everything with you?"

"Everything is the same".

"Mum, I miss you", I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

"Oh, Bella babe, you know you can always call or email me. Even though I am not near you I will always be there for you."

"I know, but it will never be the same."

"Sweetie, I wish there was something I could do, but everything is here that I need, like the hospital and doctor."

"Mum, I know it's just different now that you're gone. I guess I am not used to it yet."

"Just give it time hun; so much has happened to you in past few months."

"Thanks mum, I will speak to you later."

"Bye sweetie".

I jumped out of bed when I heard the horn. Great just what I needed, I rushed pulling whatever first came out of the wardrobe.

"I am really sorry guys, I slept in" I stifled a yawn.

"It's okay", Edward replied.

I knew since our argument that things had not been patched up, I just decided to ignore it for now, but I realised that things between the two of us had been awkward. It's just so many things happen and I feel like I am loosing everyone around me. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a child because everything was much simpler then, no worries about anything or people.

As I sat in class all these worries encompassed me, firstly my mother has nobody around her, which scares me, I just wish she was closer to me, I feel like we are so apart and plus when I talk to her on the phone she can pretend she is fine.

As I walked into the cafeteria I saw Edward with my lunch as well as his. At least he was by himself which would make things much easier.

"Hey, can I talk to you.'' Edward nodded his head.

As we walked outside, I could feel the airy silence. I knew what I wanted to say, but when it came to Edward, I had to be careful, because anything could break our friendship and two nothing ever came out right when I was with Edward.

"Now I know things have been rough between us and I know that you have tried to patch them up, but it's still going to be awkward and different"', I let out a breath I had been holding.

"Maybe it's because of me and how I over react, but truth be it, our argument revolved around someone I truly care about, my mother. And maybe you didn't realise at the time but it really, truly hurt me'', I could feel the tears in my eyes.

''Bella, do you how much I loathe myself for saying something that hurt you, but I just find it hard you know and I guess I have got to realise she is your mother and everyone makes mistakes'', Edward took both my hands so I could look at him.

''Bells, your my best friend and I care for you more than anything in this world, so I am immensely sorry for hurting you'', he brushed my tears away.

''I never want to loose you'' I cried, whilst hugging him.


	21. Chapter 21

Previously

''_I_ _never_ _want_ _to_ _loose_ _you_'', _I_ _cried_ _whilst_ _hugging_ _him_.

Everything was slowly pulling itself together. Edward and I were closer and our relationship was as it was before.

Today was a massive day for everyone; Rosalie and Emmett were coming down for winter break so everyone was doing their own thing. I was balancing between helping Alice decorate and helping Esme cook.

''Phew, I am exhausted Bells, what about you'' Alice sighed exasperated.

''Sorta'' I replied.

''Well now we all have to get ready, chop, chop everyone'' Alice announced, resuming into her hyper mode.

When Emmett and Rosalie arrived, the house was filled with laughter and excitement, I think Alice may have been over excited, yet she deserved this, she has been trying to hold everyone together and she's been doing a good, damn job at it.

''Rose it's soo good to see you'' I hugged her tightly.

I never realised how much I had truly missed Rose, she was like my big sister and the sibling I never got.

Out of nowhere I felt myself being lifted off the ground, Emmett spun me upside down.

''What don't I get a hug or greeting" he pouted.

''Oh Emmy I forgot you existed'' I joked.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Edward was very inattentive and kept quiet to himself.

I decided to find out what was wrong. I pulled Edward off the couch and took him upstairs to his room.

''Bells, why are we up here, when we are supposed to be downstairs celebrating with the family.'' he questioned cocking his head to the side.

''Edward, I know something's bothering you so please just tell me.''

''Bella, I wish it was easy, but I just can't, I have lost my voice to talk and share things, I wish I could but I have this gut feeling constantly, that if I say something it will turn out wrong.'' he placed his head in his hands.

''Edward just try for me. I know that things are really tough believe me I do. I watch you day after day hoping things will turn out okay for you because your hurting so much.'' I whispered softly.

''Bella, I want to, I really do. I am not good at expressing anymore.'' he whispered turning his head away from me, I assumed he was embarrassed.

I grabbed his head between my hands and directly looked at him.

''Edward, please never shy away from me. I am here for you every step of the way. Through every hurdle, I will be with you'' I whispered gently squeezing his hand is assurance.

As soon as we went downstairs Rosalie and Emmett wanted to announce something. Of course Emmett being Emmett had to dramatize everything. He went and made as much noise as possible.

''Well everyone, Rosalie and I would like to announce that we're engaged. Come on Rosie shine your dazzling ring for us!''

Everyone congratulated and now there was more to celebrate about.

In celebration, we all went down to La push. It was a beautiful night full of happiness and joy, I was so happy for them, they deserved true bliss.

As the fireworks flew into the sky, I lay under a blanket just gazing at the stars next Alice.

''I hope one day I get a shot of happiness like them'', she whispered.

''You will, I'll make sure of it'' I smiled happily.

Back at the house there was more preparing to do; with Rosalie and Emmett only here for a few more days we wanted them to enjoy their trip as much as possible.

''I am so excited, we get to dress up, it's like prom. That reminds me has Edward asked you to his prom yet.'' Alice asked.

''No, and I am sure he will find a really nice girl that is not his best friend.'' I stated,

''You silly girl, you never see who you truly are.'' she shook her head disappointed.

''Your just bias cause you're my best friend''.

When we had finished I was happy at the end result. My hair was half curly, half straight, I was wearing a turquoise dress with beading at the top and it flowed to below my knees. Alice was wearing her hair straight and down with a pink dress that hugged her curves, she looked amazing.

If I thought I had looked good, Rosalie blew my ego out the window. She had her in a bun with a few strands hanging, she was wearing a flowy red dress, and she looked perfect, beyond amazing.

The night went on with laughter, music and jokes. It was a blissful night, actually this winter break had been amazing and so much good had happened, I just hoped that nothing came to ruin this happiness.

As Emmett and Rosie left towards the airport, I could feel the tension in the air. It's different they're family to us, just them being here was something special, it brightened the family, the air was alive.

I was holding Alice; I could feel her tears seep through my shirt. It would be hard for everyone to get back on track.

A few days had passed since Rose and Em left. Winter break was over and it was time for school again.

At least we all had school to sort of distract us from the departure, everything was slowly settling.

Alice decided to get us all out of our mopy state by holding a surprise party for Edward and Jasper. Their birthdays clashed between July so she thought it was the perfect idea. **(A/N: Now I know that winter in Forks is not in July, I am going by Australian seasons.)**

It was Saturday and Alice and I decided to start planning. We had practically organised everything from the food to the function. Alice seemed to be really proud and happy at herself.

I went to visit Edward after our plans. I had noticed his silences and who could blame him so much had happened, not to mention he is still recovering from his traumatic childhood.

I knocked quietly on his door.

''Come in'' he whispered.

As I walked in I saw him sitting staring at a painting.

''Edward this is beautiful'', I gushed, he nodded.

''It's for Alice, I know how much she loves pretty things like flowers and gardens. Her birthday is in a few months and I thought I would do something that could last forever.'' he mumbled.

''You know how amazing you are Edward.'' I smiled patting his back.

''Bella, I am not. I hardly even communicate with my family, it's like I have forgotten how all together.'' he uttered.

It broke my heart to see Edward in such pain, he never deserved this hardship.

''I think this is part of the progress to recovery'' I hugged him tightly.

I knew that there is a long way and that there maybe more hurdles to overcome, but I could be happy with each step we make together at least for now…


	22. Chapter 22

Edward and Jasper's party was tonight, so Alice and I had just set up and were now getting ready.

''So the plan is that I am going to call Edward and tell him that mum wants him home for dinner and he can bring Jasper.'' I nodded; Alice was so excited she was beaming all over with joy.

When I looked at the invitation list I gasped.

'' Alice how many people did you invite'' I asked nervously, obviously I knew that there would be alot of people, but not this much.

''Oh just Edward and Jasper's year'', she waved her hand indicating that it was nothing to worry about.

''Alice are you kidding me'' I screeched.

'' Oh Bella relax, have some fun once in a while''

''Alice, I would be worried about Edward; you know he's not a people's person. Heck he doesn't even feel comfortable in front of his family'' I half yelled.

''Bella, maybe this is what he needs, to be placed in an uncomfortable position in order to react towards anything" I nodded maybe she was right, this is what he needs, at least I hope so.

Edward and Jasper walked in as strobe lights went on and everyone leaped out and shouted ''surprise''.

By the looks of it they were in awe. Shock was written all over their faces. I could tell they were both a little nervous, but Edward looked the least comfortable.

''Thanks guys'' Jasper said and Edward followed his response.

The music was blaring and everyone was just mingling, having fun partying. I felt so sorry for Edward, he seemed a little distant but I guess he was trying to co-operate with what he was given. Jasper seemed to be partying who knew he was the partying sort of guy.

As I watched from a far a peaceful melody was playing in the background, Jasper and Alice were dancing so serenely, it was so cute.

Edward was bringing drinks so I decided to see how it was all going.

''Hey, b'day boy how's it going'' I patted his back slowly.

''You knew didn't you'' he asked calmingly.

''Yeah, but before you get angry at me, Alice thought it would be good for you ''

he chuckled, I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

''Bella, I am not mad, this is a good thing, and it means I might be becoming social.'' he smiled and I grinned in delight.

''I got you a little something'', I said whilst placing the box in his lap.

As he gently opened the box, I hoped he would like it, shopping for Edward was the hardest thing.

''Oh Bells, I love it thank you" as he hugged me.


	23. Chapter 23

After Edward and Jasper's party everyone was completely exhausted, so we crashed at Alice's.

I woke up grudgingly, the sun blinding me. When I realised it was Alice that had opened the curtains and shouted ''Good morning'', I was about to smash her with whatever was in front of me.

''Alice'', I yelled, throwing a cushion at her.

''Sheshh Bella, someone's grumpy'', she mumbled slamming the door on her way out.

When I woke up again, I felt better and refreshed, I never realised how much energy Alice had, it amazed me incredibly.

''Good Morning everyone'', I announced sitting on the couch.

''Hey, I am glad you're in a better mood hun'', Alice stated lightheartedly.

''Sorry, just never interfere with my sleep''

''You've got that right sister''.

As I sat on the couch watching the guys play the wii, Alice nudged me lightly.

'' I have something I want to tell you'', she whispered and I followed her into the kitchen.

''Last night Jasper asked me to be his girlfriend'', she uttered.

''And what did you say'', I inquired, this was something big to me. I never thought of them in that way, but recapping from last night they are suited for each other.

''I said yes'' she murmured clearly dreaming about last night.

''Congrats Ali, I am so happy for you'' I whispered hugging her as she jumped up and down.

''I am worried'', she whispered alarmed, I cocked my head clearly confused.

''What if something happens between us and then there's the problem that Edward may be too protective'' I could hear the worry leak in her voice.

''Oh Alice you don't need to worry about that. If that situation was to arise, not that I think it will, Jasper would still be friends with you, he could never hate anyone. You of all people should know that''

''And as for Edward I can deal with him'', I assured her.

When I arrived home I was totally exhausted it had been an immensely long weekend. As I opened the door I saw Charlie with a grave and solemn look on his face. In that instant I knew something had happened and I started to become scared.

''Dad, what's wrong'', I asked concerned.


	24. Chapter 24

''Dad, please tell me what's wrong'', I stood shaking with fear.

''Bella, it's your mum'', he whispered.

''What about my mum'', I said almost screaming.

''She's in hospital'', he mumbled as the tears blurred my vision, I just couldn't loose her not now when everything was going fine.

''She's been flown into Forks hospital'', he murmured. This must have hit Charlie really hard, I could tell by his blank and grave expressions.

''I'll take you now, if you want'', I nodded and grabbed my jacket.

I just knew that something like this was going to happen and make things shaky. I just had to try and be optimistic, my mum is brave she can handle something like this.

When I walked into the room and I saw all the machines hooked to my mother I started crying. She appeared so weak that there was an oxygen mask on her face and an IV feeding her.

I think Charlie looked as shocked as I had. I never would have imagined my mother looking so frail.

It is was sort of nice to know that Carlisle was working in her, yet that would never eradicate the fear growing inside me.

I leaned against the door so I could hear what Carlise was saying.

''Well, it appears to me that something triggered this, lets say something like a seizure. If it was a seizure she would have no control over her body.''

''How will she be''' I heard my father ask.

''For now, I do not know. She is in a stable condition, yet I do not know what happened so all I can do is monitor her''

I heard my dad sigh, ''I am really sorry Charlie and believe me I am doing my ut-most best''

''I know'', he whispered.

''It's not me I feel sorry for it's Bella. This is already breaking her. You know she only recently just fixed things with her mother.''

''I know, but why would you bring her here. If you did not want to expose her to this.''

''Carlise, you may not understand but I have to keep Bella as close to me as possible. Lying to her or fabricating things won't benefit her later on.''

''Plus people would start talking about it, I'd rather her know than be oblivious to it.''

''I understand, I just hope your doing what's right for her.''

I sat next to my mother, praying that she would be strong and get through this. The cause was still unknown.

''I love you mum'', I whispered kissing her head.

''Please get better'', I murmured.

It did seem that news travelled fast, many people came up to me wishing my mother well. That's all that was on my mind; I couldn't concentrate on anyone let alone school work.

I just couldn't wait to go and see whether my mother had gotten better.

I saw Edward with two trays, I knew I couldn't eat I would just end up heaving it up.

Alice was being really cautious and concerned; I needed a break from all of this.

I ignored their yells and continued walking, as the harsh wind blew through my hair I started to calm down a little. I stood just staring at the scenery as the rain started to pour, how coincidental that the weather matched my mood. I couldn't move even as the lightening bolts were close. It was like someone was controlling me and I couldn't escape.

I felt a gentle hand pushing me a long. I didn't even care who it was, It was like I was in a dream. But when I looked up and saw those emerald eyes look at me with concern, it broke my daze.

''Bells, what on earth were you thinking'', he questioned as he took me inside.

''I don't know'', I whispered.

''Bella, do you even want to be here today'', he asked, I shook my head. What use would lying do.

He pulled me gently to his side and walked with me to his car.

''Edward, what are we doing...oh no, we can't just leave school now'', he nodded whilst ushering me in.

''Bella, I am just saving you from having to be in there with all those people who are treating you with pity and are continuously looking at you'', he brushed some hair out of my face.

''What are you going to do that will make it any better'', I sobbed, sniffling.

I knew I looked a right mess, everything was just crashing, and all my barriers were falling down.

''Bella, I am so sorry'', he whispered, gently pulling me to him. I couldn't control myself the tears were just falling down rapidly, it hurt too much. I tried to be strong, but look where it led to.

He just held onto me tightly as I let my tears seep through his shirt.

I sniffled looking up at Edward.

''I am sorry'', I whispered.

''There's no need to be'', he uttered and brushed the tears away from my face.

It felt right to just lie in his lap, I felt comfortable, whole. He had the ability to wash my fears away.

''I have an idea, I am going to take you back to your house to change and then we'll go see your mum'' he stated.

''Are you sure'', I asked and he nodded.

As we approached my mum's room, I was immensely scared to see her, what if she was in a worse condition, it would kill me. Edward ushered me slowly in.

As soon as I saw my mother, I ran towards her. She had a lopsided smile on her face. She appeared to be looking somewhat healthier than the other day.

''Mum'', I whispered hugging her tight.

''Bella, baby. I am fine'', she smiled hugging me back.

''I was so scared'', I murmured.

''Oh, honey. I was hoping that you would never have to see me that way''


	25. Chapter 25

The week had gone on forever. I had been in and out of the hospital on a daily basis. Slowly my mother was getting better and was being released. To me that was pure relief, it was a whole burden released from my shoulders.

I went to school in a much better mood today. I find it so amazing how my moods just alter. Maybe I overreacted when I heard my mother was in hospital, but I am not used to things ever staying the same or being a positive outcome. I just really hope nothing goes off track for a while.

School seemed to be okay, a few people looked at me weirdly, but I just smiled back hoping they got the drift that everything was fine. It was nice to know that people were caring, but I hated seeing people pity me, it made me feel immensely weak with all the sad and concerned glances.

At lunch everyone seemed to be back to usual. Alice seemed more free and laidback with Jasper. It seemed like when I was upset she felt she had to distance herself from Jasper in order to be my best friend and I loved her for that, but I also felt that she should not have to split herself, I felt terrible that I caused her to act like that. Their love just seemed so innocent and pure and I know it seems cliché but they are perfect for each other, I believe they will be high school sweethearts. I hope that one day I could have something like that, but for now I was content with watching Ali and Jaz.

I remembered that night at the bonfire with Alice and how she wished for happiness, she got what she wanted fairly quick, I just hope it lasts for her and that one day I can have my shot at happiness.

When I went into the hospital my mum looked even better than before. However, I was slightly nervous because she seemed to be in an energetic mood, she was jumping up and down.

''Hey, mum'', I waved my hands in front of her.

''Hey bub, would love to chat but its exercising time'', she huffed.

''Maybe you need a break'', I suggested.

''Five more minutes'', she yelled enthusiastically.

I left her to do what she wanted to do and went to see Carlise. Surely they do not allow people to do what my mother is doing.

I knocked softly against the door.

''Come in'' Carlise said.

As I pushed the door open, Carlise looked surprised.

''Hello, Bella dear, what can I do for you'', he motioned for me to sit down.

''Um, well I know my mum is better, but should she really be exercising'', I asked shyly.

''Hmm, she really shouldn't, but no one can stop your mother'', he chuckled gently.

It was completely true, no one could ever force my mother to do anything, I guess it was humorous in its own way.

I was relieved that mum was getting released and I had persuaded Charlie to keep mum in the house for monitoring.

I decided to go out with my mum. As we wandered the streets and talked, I was somehow reminded of my childhood. I knew it wouldn't be good to bring it up, but I had to, I couldn't help it.

''Mum'', I asked, she nodded.

''I remember when I was younger and you said something like you didn't want me. I just want to know whether it was true'', I uttered softly.

''Bella, I shouldn't lie to you. When I was younger I did not know what I wanted'', she exhaled.

''I used to blame everyone for my unhappiness, you know. I was one to never stick to something. I could never be committed and I guess that's why your father and I didn't work out'' she breathed out heavily

''So when I found out I was pregnant, I just thought my life would be over'' she sighed.

''But, you know, your the one who changed that reason. As you grew up and put up with everything in front of you, it inspired me'' she kissed my forehead softly.

''I want you to know that now I really love you and nothing could change that'', she whispered hugging me.

''Bells, please don't be mad, I never intentionally tried to hurt you. I know my mistake now''.

''Mum, it's okay. I get it. I just wanted to know why'', I hugged her assuring.


	26. Chapter 25 part 2

This week had its up and downs, however I was trying to as optimistic as possible, considering the fact that my mother came out of hospital and was now living with me. I knew Charlie wanted to make me happy and that's one of the reasons he allowed my mother to stay, but deep down inside I knew Charlie wouldn't mind, it would give him some company.

"Bye Mum, bye Dad" I stated whilst walking out the door.

"Have fun at school" I heard my dad yell, before continuing his conversation with my mother.

School was boring as per usual, I really disliked school due to it making me do subjects like geography, which was plain boring and irrelevant to what I wanted to do. When I finished school I wanted to become a psychologist.

This was a busy term for Edward, it was the last term for preliminary and that meant that he had all these exams coming up as well as a prom. Alice continued to encourage Edward to ask someone to go to his prom; however he argued that he didn't even need to go to prom.

Alice was trying her hardest to organize a party for Emmett and Rose due to their engagement. So everyone seemed to be fairly busy. At least I didn't have to worry about my mother as she was home with Charlie.

Everyone seemed to be busy with their own thing; it seemed that this was the biggest time of year for Esme's interior designing. I tried to help out everyone. Whilst everyone was busy I spent this time with my mother, she had to spend most of the time inside to rest, but I took her out occasionally.

Everything seemed to be going fine, my mother's health seemed to be at the optimum it could. My mother decided to tell me everything about the cancer, when Carlisle spoke to her he told her that they had removed as much of the cancer, with ten percent remaining, yet they were working on this... I could be content for now with this...


	27. Chapter 26

_Flashback_

_"Mum, I know you don't want me to ask but what did the doctor say" I whispered._

_she looked much better than before, but I had so much questions for her and knowing my mother she'd be as clandestine as possible._

_"Baby, it doesn't matter", she hushed me before I could go on._

_"Mum, please. I can't stand being left in the dark."_

_"Hun, why does it even matter", she questioned moving her head towards the window._

_"It matters because you are my mother and I care for you and I need to know in order to help you", I whispered softly._

_"Hun, you worry way too much" she laughed._

_"Carlise told me that this cancer is causing me to have epileptic fits as it has triggered something in my brain, even though it's breast cancer" she took a deep breath._

_"I have to get an MRI scan to see if the cancer reached my brain, right now it is looking serious", a tear slid down her cheek._

_I squeezed her hand in assurance "Bells, I don't know how much longer I have", she whispered shakily._

_"Shhh mum, forget about it .Just take each day as it comes."_

School was always a blur with me trying to forget what my mother said about not knowing how long she was going to live for.

Alice kept me through the day, through her support and chirpiness. Yet I couldn't always rely on her, she had Jasper now. It wasn't fair to take her all the time, Alice's happiness made me happy.

Edward was there, but I felt like I was the one who had to hold myself together. Edward was there for support but I knew he was trying to deal with his own problems too.

Carlisle decided that mum could stay at home and for that I was truly happy. To not have to worry about her by herself in Arizona relieved me.

Charlie and mum were getting along and talking. I just hoped they would get back together, despite what my father told me.

It hurt that I had to watch the both of them with pained expressions. I could see in their eyes that they both loved each other.

As I walked into the house I saw both of them cooking and chatting, they looked so peaceful and happy.

I woke up to sirens and alarms blaring. As I got up I felt disoriented. I glanced out the window and saw my mother being pulled into an ambulance.

Fear leaped inside of my chest. I couldn't loose my mother, not now not ever...

As I sat patiently in the waiting room I tried to think of the best possible outcome, yet it was immensely difficult to watch my own mother in pain, especially when she looked completely lifeless on the ambulance bed.

I couldn't handle this, nothing ever stayed the same and now I felt like everything was crashing down and what was I supposed to do, just sit and watch the terrible things unfold. It killed me.

I couldn't help but breakdown, it was all too much for me. from the corner of my eye I saw Esme, I tried to brush away the tears but they were coming out so fast.

"Bella, honey" she enveloped me in her arms.

I couldn't remain strong, all my barriers were breaking, I could no longer keep the walls up.

Esme placed her hands in mine.

"Bella sweetheart, you are such a strong girl and Carlisle will do his utmost best to help your mother" she assured me.

It was the fear that consumed me, something I couldn't eradicate; it would continue to grow inside of me until I heard some news.

I had clear my head, everything was building up and I just needed space.

"Bella, Bells, wake up" I heard the whispers of my father.

I woke up suddenly and looked into my father's eyes trying to see if I could find the good or bad news.

"Where is mum?" I asked hurriedly walking; he gently tugged my arm so I was back seated.

"Bells, before you go in there, you need to understand what happened", he sighed gently.

"How do I tell you this baby" he sighed putting his hands on his head.

"Daddy, It's okay, I will deal with whatever it is" I assured him trying to form a smile as best as I could.

"Bells, your mother is paralyzed, the tumor did this. Half her body is paralyzed so she will hear you but will not respond" he took a deep breath out.

I walked slowly scared of what I would see in front of me. As I pushed the door in front of me I saw my mother lying on the bed so peacefully, hooked up to machines feeding her. It pained me to see her so lifeless. I pinched myself hoping this was a horrible nightmare, but it wasn't.

As I continued to my mother she didn't look like she was pain at all.

"Oh mummy" I whispered.

"I wish this hadn't happened to you" I sighed.

As I stared at her, her body looked purple, it scared me. Tears flew down my cheeks.

"I will always love you mum" I kissed her cheek and sat back on the chair hoping she would get through this paralysis.

I barely even noticed Carlisle walking in.

"Bella" he whispered.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked.

He looked around the room; I could tell he was contemplating whether he should tell me the truth.

"No fabrication, please all I want is the truth so I am ready"

"Bella, for now she is fine, but I do not know how much longer she will okay for. She could be fine for a week, a day, a year. It is not in my hands to judge."

"You are a doctor for god's sake if anyone you should know" I stated curtly and stormed out.

I knew I should not have been so rude to Carlisle, but everything was bothering me. I would apologize when my anger had blown off. It wasn't fair of me to treat Carlisle like that after all I know he is doing his best for my mother.

As I was walking my phone vibrated, it was a text from Edward.

_Where are you? _

I decided to ignore his text; I could not deal with people around me. I needed space, what I needed most was for everyone to just mind their own business and let me be.

Just when I thought I could be alone I heard footsteps trail behind me.

"Bells", Edward whispered.

"What" I stated angrily clearly annoyed that I couldn't have time alone.

"I was worried about you", he uttered softly.

"Well don't because I am fine, worry about my mother who could be dying and no one gives a damn" I yelled angrily.

"Of course we care about your mother, but we cannot lose two people. You are in a fragile state as it is. I know you Bella, deep down you know my father is doing everything he can. You just want someone to blame because you're angry and upset. But don't you dare blame the people who care for you most" he stated agitated.

"That's just something you'd say. I am fragile and vulnerable just because I am a girl. I can look after myself fine Edward, don't you get it I don't want anyone to care for me" I uttered.

"Bells, I know you, this is not what you want", he whispered shakily.

"Well clearly you don't know me then"

I knew I was walking away from the one person who truly cared, but I don't deserve the care after all I put my mother through. This was my entire fault…

Just when I thought I had pulled Edward away from me. He stood in front of me and placed his hands in mine.

"Bella, I know you are blaming yourself and that's not fair, you know that I know you do", he whispered.

I couldn't think my vision was blinded by Edward, I closed my eyes. His hands made me feel secure, I forgot everything terrible that had occurred. I pushed his hands out of mine.

"I don't deserve this" I whispered.

"Bella, don't do this", Edward urged.

I knew something was completely different, there was something there, I could feel it. But I couldn't be, I could not have feelings for my best friend. I had to push him away. There was no way this could be happening. It is just with everything that is happening, it is confusing me.

As I walked back to the hospital room, I hoped Carlisle was not there. To my surprise Alice was there. I would not be able to deal with her.

She walked out but not before saying "I cannot believe you", she had a disappointed look on her face. Arrghh, what had I done. I have completely ruined my friendship with the most important person in my life. I was a horrible, horrible person. How could I fix things now? Why did everything have to fall apart?

I burst into tears, whilst holding my mother's hand. What was happening to me, I was falling apart because I felt like I was losing my mother and all she could do was listen to my outbursts of pain due to her inability to respond.


	28. Chapter 27

I couldn't face any of them as I sat watching my mother. My eyes were swollen, everything felt sore.

As I thought about all the troubles I caused, I sat with tears in my eyes. How could I fix any of this...?

As I glanced at my mother and my worries heightened. Why had I been so stupid to push everyone away and now I was paying the price. I decided to clear my head; everything was piling on top of me.

As I was walking I tried to figure out how I would deal with everything. It would be either Edward or Alice that would be the hardest to say sorry to. I remembered when Alice told me to take care of Edward and be patient and I had blew it, not just with him but her too.

I could tell that she was disappointed by the look on her face; every time I closed my eyes her disappointment glared back at me and stopped me from sleeping.

I sat in the park and watched the children play, they looked so carefree, I just wished I could be a child again; everything seems too hard right now.

"Once upon a time that used to be us" I heard a voice from behind me.

"Geez Jasper, want to give me a heart attack"

"Sorry, I just knew you needed comfort", he whispered.

This is one of the reasons I love Jasper, when everything is falling apart, he is there trying to be as supportive as possible.

"How'd you know where to find me?"

"Bells, years of hide and seek, who always found you first" he questioned raising his eyebrow, clearly proud of himself.

I stifled a laugh, even when I felt everything was falling apart he knew how to lighten the mood.

"Jasper, what am I going to do" I whispered as the tears cascaded like a river.

I could feel my walls completely crumbling down.

He leaned in to give me a hug. Even though I had pushed away his girlfriend, his girlfriend's father and his best friend.

"The only thing you can do is apologise and hope they accept. Which I am sure they will."

"However, it may not happen as fast as you want it to" I nodded understanding. I sighed, wiping away the tears.

"It's, I just can't. I hurt everyone so badly. You weren't there when I saw the disgust in Alice's eyes" I whimpered.

"Bells, we all make mistakes and say things when we are angry and it may take time for forgiveness, but it is better than moping", he squeezed my hand in assurance.

"Thanks Jasper", reaching out to hug him.

"I cannot believe you. How can you be so happy and hug my boyfriend when you have ruined so much" Alice stated agitatedly.

"Alice, wait please let me explain", I whispered.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Please Alice, just hear me out. If you don't want to be friends after I understand" she nodded in a huff.

In the distance I saw Jasper walking away to give us privacy.

"Alice, I didn't intentionally try to hurt Edward or your dad. I was angry, upset, hurt and I know that gives me no excuse to do what I did" I exhaled a breath I had been holding in.

"Yeah, that's right and that still doesn't undo what occurred" she stormed off in a huff.

I sat back on the chair and felt the tears cascade.

I felt the anger of Alice seeping through all her words and it truly hurt me and there was nothing I could do.

I quickly wiped my tears and decided I couldn't mope around.

I knocked on Carlisle's office.

"Come in", he stated.

He seemed surprised to see me.

"Can I sit" I asked him, he nodded.

"Carlisle, I am really sorry for what I said. I was angry and I shouldn't have taken it out on you" I whispered.

"Bella, it is fine. I deal with these kinds of outbursts all the time"

"Yes, but that was still uncalled for and for that I am really, truly sorry", I whispered.

Carlisle got out of his seat and hugged me. I felt safe, unharmed like all my worries could just disappear.

"Thank you", I uttered softly.

He was directly looking at me, clearly in concentration.

"Bella, I want you to think about trying therapy. Before you yell, just think about it" he stated.

After that I felt worried, was he that concerned about all this that he suggested I see a shrink.

I knocked gently on Esme's door.

As the door opened, out came an annoyed Alice.

"Seriously, haven't you caused enough mayhem" she hissed.

I bowed my head down in defeat; there was no way Alice was going to forgive me. I just hoped she only pissed at me and that it would somehow wear off. I was about to leave when I heard Edward's voice.

"Bella", he whispered clearly shocked to see me.

I turned around and glanced at him, I couldn't look at him in the eye, and it would kill me if he was hurt because of me.

As I looked at Alice, she was glaring, clearly unimpressed.

"Let's take a walk", He suggested.

"Edward I am really sorry" I mumbled as I kicked the dirt in front of me.

My heart was constricted; the one person I never wanted to hurt was him. I stared at the dirt unable to say anything; nothing would rectify my behaviour towards him.

"I...I...I shouldn't have tried to push you away. I was hurt and upset, but that doesn't justify my actions" I whispered.

I could no longer stand myself; I hurt him that was why he wasn't replying.

All of a sudden I felt his hand lift my chin so I was facing him. As I looked into his emerald eyes, I couldn't recognise the emotion in his eyes.

"Bella, it's okay I understand. But I cannot stand you hiding like that from me" he murmured gently placing a strand of hair behind my ear.

I felt a tingling sensation and my cheeks were burning up from the embarrassment. I felt like jelly, my whole body felt weak; thank God Edward was there to catch me. I couldn't understand why my body was reacting this way; however I brushed it off maybe it was because I haven't been sleeping.

As we walked back to the house, I stopped and stared at him, how could he so understand, I had totally blown him off and here he was making me feel better.

"Edward, I need to say something and I just want you to listen", I took a deep breath out.

"I am really sorry and I need to tell you that whatever I said to you I didn't mean. You know you are the one person I never wanted to hurt and I did" I felt him clasp my hand and I turned my body to face him.

"Bella, we have been through this. It's fine" He squeezed my hand in assurance, but I had this feeling he was hiding his hurt.

"Edward is it really, because I can see the hurt in your eyes" he looked defeated; he was trying to be strong.

We sat on the grass and he placed his hands in his hair. I released his hands and looked deeply into his eyes.

"Oh God Edward, I never meant to hurt you"

I felt my body shatter into a million pieces, why was it that when Edward was hurt my body shut down, I could not fathom what was happening, it was all too much to absorb, all these weird reactions.

"Bells, please" he whispered, I could hear the shaking in his voice.

I looked at him unknowingly; I didn't know what to do. I hurt the one person who meant so much to me. I sat dumbfounded; I was scared if Alice came out here I cannot even comprehend what she would do.

Edward gazed into my eyes; it was like I was in a trance. He gently pulled me to him and hugged me. It felt nice, secure. Everything I needed, but I had no idea why he was hugging me if I hurt him. I felt him shaking against me and looked up. I could see the unshed tears in his eyes. I sighed beleaguered and looked at the ground ashamed.

"Bella" He lightly touched my shoulder. I glanced up and him.

"It's hard for me to become attached to someone and then when I feel like I have lost them it hurts" he whispered.

"I get it; I swear I am so so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know" he whispered, he pulled me against him.

As I woke up, I was slightly disoriented and then I realised I had fallen asleep on Edward on his front lawn. We were tangled against each other. His leg wrapped around mine, my head was on his chest, I could hear his heart beating ever so lightly. I tried to disentangle myself from him and then I landed right on top of him with a thud.

Edward fluttered his eyes open, unaware of what was happening.

He looked at me and laughed "If you wanted to wake me up you didn't need to jump on me and scare me" he grinned, I half smiled.

"Actually I tripped, I didn't mean to fall on you, our legs were tangled" I blushed.

"I have to go, but could you give this to Alice for me"

_Dear Alice,_

_I never thought I would ever loose you again, but I guess I have due to my stupidity._

_Alice, I swear I never meant to hurt anyone and I clearly remembered you warning me if I hurt Edward and how much he means to you. I was just scared and worried; you know I feel like I am losing my mum. I wake up every day and see her lying there so unresponsive, it's like she's not even here anymore. I guess what I am trying to say is that I felt I deserved nobody at the time. _

_But I now realise how much it hurt me when I hurt Edward. _

_Even if you never want to be my friend again, I just wanted to explain to you that I never intentionally wanted to hurt anyone. It's like I have managed to hurt your family again and I am not writing this so you can pity me. It's just extremely hard without your best friend, you mean so much to me Alice and to lose you over my selfish behavior kills._

_I hope somewhere in the near future we can be friends or at least talk to each other. I am truly, truly sorry._

_Love Bella._


	29. Chapter 28

_Flashback_

_"Alice, come see what I found", I ran over to her pulling her hand to gain her attention._

_We both just stood there marveled by this secret garden, it was full of blossoms and flowers that were indescribable._

_"Wow, this is even better than my mummy's garden" she whispered, scared that Esme would jump out and catch her saying those words._

_"I have an idea", I stated my eyes glistening with excitement._

_She nodded and off we were collecting flowers. I suggested that we make each other a friendship bracelet and surprise each other._

_I was on one side of the garden and Alice the opposing one._

_"One two three, open your eyes" I yelled._

_"Oh Bella it's so beautiful" she gushed adjusting it to her wrist._

_There we made a pact..._

_"I Bella solemnly..." and then I burst out laughing._

_"Bella, this is serious" Alice stated sternly._

_"Sorry, it's a hard word to say" I stifled another laugh as Alice attempted to glare at me._

_"I Bella, solemnly swear to be best friends with Alice Lucy Cullen no matter what happens" _

_As we stated our pact we shook pinkies, promising we would stand by each other._

I shook my head, that memory felt completely real as I fingered the miniscule bracelet that lay on my dressing table.

I sighed, I missed Alice terribly. She was the one person who I could talk to about any problems and now the situation I was facing involved her.

I hoped she read my letter and maybe considered at least talking to me, yet she seemed completely annoyed with me and I knew what I was hoping was out of my reach.

I finished up with my homework, closed my laptop and decided to have an early night.

I kept tossing and turning, my eyes felt heavy and suddenly I managed to fall into a slumber.

"No", I screamed with panic.

My mother lay in a coffin. This couldn't be happening, there had to be a reasonable explanation. This had to be a nightmare.

Realization hit me and I woke up drenched in sweat.

"Gross", I muttered.

I glanced at the alarm clock 3.36 am it read. I ran downstairs quietly avoiding waking up Charlie.

I decided to have a nice, warm bath to calm my nerves down; I placed some lavender lotion on my body and felt calmer.

As I hoped out of the bath, I felt cold so I put my black skinny legs and a jumper and headed outside. It was almost 5am. I went for a walk down the street and wandered, life looks so peaceful and serene so early in the morning without all the hustle and bustle of people.

I didn't even realize that I was right outside the Cullen's driveway. My heart sank knowing the damage I had done to Alice and Edward. I felt like Edward forgave me so suddenly, but I knew he was hurting inside after the incident in his garden. He was trying to be incredibly strong and it killed me that it was me that caused this pain.

And then there was Alice, I had destroyed the best friendship due to my stupidity and carelessness. I pushed away the most influential and meaningful person. Alice had been my best friend, why did I have to stuff things up with her.

I sighed staring at the driveway, if Alice and I did not get through this; I would never be able to come here. I marveled at the perfect house they lived in. Just as I was about to leave I saw Carlisle exist the driveway, he rolled his window down.

"Bella is everything okay?" he questioned.

I nodded "Just couldn't sleep that's all", I mumbled.

"Oh, did you have a think about what I said yesterday" he asked.

"I did, but I don't think I am comfortable revealing all my thoughts to someone I hardly know", I whispered.

"That's understandable but sometimes it helps. Maybe start keeping a journal. It might make you feel better" I nodded.

"Well, I shouldn't keep you from working, I will see you around", I waved and then slowly walked back home.

As I stepped into the house, I felt relief it was freezing outside. I thanked God that Charlie had invested in heating in this house. I decided to make a hot chocolate before getting ready for school.

That word sent shivers down my body; it just reminded me of how I have to face the music with Alice.

I lightly dabbed some eyeliner and mascara on as my phone buzzed.

_I'll be at your house in 5 – Edward_

I thought for a second that he wanted Alice and I to reconcile, then I realised she would drive with Jasper to avoid my presence. I could feel tears coming down, but I pushed them back, tied my hair with a navy ribbon, letting my fringe flow freely.

As soon as I heard the beep I locked up and jumped into Edward's car.

"Hey", I whispered as I slid into the car.

"Hi, how are you doing?" he stared at me with those sparkling emerald eyes that made my heart swell.

I was still trying to figure out why my body was reacting like this, I blamed it on the stress and answered Edward.

"I'm fine. Please just drive. I don't feel like talking, sorry", I murmured, Edward nodded in response.

As soon as we entered the school gates I felt myself slump into Edward's seat.

"Come on", Edward started to grab my arm.

"Please, I can't go in there", I whispered.

"You can't hide in here all day", Edward stated suggestively.

I glared at him, frustrated but I knew he was right.

I got out of the car, frantically looking around for Alice, I spotted jasper's car. Alice and him were sitting on the bonnet talking; they seemed to be in a deep conversation.

I sighed and Edward glanced my way, he held my hand and started to walk over there with me.

"Edward No!" I half yelled.

"Bells, you cannot hide from here for the rest of your life, plus she is my sister"

"Are you crazy, she hates me, maybe after she cools down?"

"Please for me Bells", Edward whispered gazing into my eyes, it made me feel like jelly.

"Fine", I huffed walking behind him.

"Hey" Edward stated to Jasper.

As soon as Alice saw that it was me she glared.

"Edward, just because you have forgiven Bella doesn't mean I am going to" she stated angrily.

"Alice, how many times will Bella have to apologize until you forgive her, she is sorry", he stated agitatedly.

"Edward forget it", I stated, slowly walking away with him, but not before Alice.

"Look, you can't just come back and pretend like everything is fine Bella, you hurt us badly, maybe Edward can forgive you but I just can't. And by the way I did read your letter; it's not going to change anything. Take your stupid letter and leave without my brother" she grumbled.

I slowly walked away hoping that Edward would follow, but he couldn't I knew what Alice was like, after all blood is thicker than water.

I walked into English and sat up the back by myself and placed my bag on the other chair so that nobody would sit next to me. I immersed myself in Shakespeare's 'As you like it'.

The day dragged on slowly, instead of going to lunch I decided to go to library and finish off some work to stay out of Alice's way. I really hoped that this grudge or anger or whatever you call this would not last for a long time.

Once, the bell rang announcing that school was over for the day I decided to walk home so that I would not get in the Cullen's' way at all. However, Edward called my name out in the middle of the car park; I groaned placing my heads in my hands. I glanced at him; he was with jasper and Alice again.

I gave him a pleading look to just let me go, no fat chance of that. He ran up to me and made me go into his car. I dreaded even looking at Alice her hazel eyes glaring at me. She came up to me and very softly whispered "stay away from me" and threw the letter I wrote in my face.

The tears started to cascade down my face. I could no longer be strong I fell to the ground; Edward was talking to Jasper so he hadn't realized what happened.

"Alice, enough is enough", Edward half yelled.

She slammed the door and hopped in Jasper's car.

"Bells it's okay," Edward stated, whilst cupping my cheek and wiping the tears from my cheek.

I fell into his arms and just squeezed him; he was all I had left. I had no energy to fight. He held me tight too. Just as he was about to release my from his arms I whispered.

"Please, please don't let go. I need you here right now", I whimpered and that's all I remembered before falling into a slumber.

I yawned and gradually opened my eyes glancing at my surroundings. I was in Edward's room in his bed. I hopped up really quickly and could feel my head spin from how fast I jumped out of his bed.

"Edward" I whispered.

I heard someone come in from the hallway.

"Bella, dear. How are you?" Esme stated whilst embracing me in a hug,

"I'm fine". I whispered.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"Oh, he went out for a run, he should be back soon. Would you like to stay for teas", she enquired.

"No, it's alright. I should go visit my mum and meet Charlie for dinner"

Just as I was about to leave Edward's room I saw Alice. She looked up extremely surprised to see me here.

She bolted in the other direction. I decided that this was my only chance to make things right.

"Alice" I called from the hallway.

She ignored and continued to walk off.

"Please, Alice", I urged.

She turned around look displeased.

"What Bella. You're going to apologize again. Save it, I have heard you say it way too many times that it doesn't mean anything anymore to me", she whispered and I saw a tear trail down her cheek.

"I don't know what to say. I really didn't mean to hurt you, but I guess you've already heard that too", I whispered walking away. She touched my arm gently and pierced her hazel eyes into mine.

"I am not inhumane Bella, of course I do know that you are sorry, but it does not change the fact that your hurt me and yes I may have slightly overreacted but this friendship is far from repaired. We are going to have to take baby steps for it to even commence working again", she stated and walked back into her room.

"Thank you" I whispered, she nodded and walked back into her room.

I went to visit my mum. As I entered the ward, my heart skipped a beat and I became nervous, I thought about how my mum would be, would she be able to even respond to me.

I pushed the door slowly ajar and the sight frightened me.

My mother was lying in the hospital bed so lifeless. Her face was purple, the tears shed down my face like a waterfall. My heart felt like glass shattering into a million pieces. On her left side was a red flower of some sort, I wondered who put it there, it made her look serene, but it reminded me of that a horrible nightmare. I could not think like that, my mother was strong she would get through this, she had to. What would I do without her?

"Mum, if you have any life left in you please fight this. I need you", I whispered as I kissed her cheek.


	30. Chapter 29

**AN: well aren't you lucky two chapters in one day I am hoping to write lots now. I was on hiatus for a while**

**School**

**I was not really in the mood to write**

**I did not know where I wanted this story to head**

**But all is good now. I know exactly what is going to happen, so stay on this wild dramatic rollercoaster (:**

**Much love tearswillfall xo**

**Previously **

"**Mum, if you have any life left in you please fight this. I need you", I whispered as I kissed her cheek.**

As I woke up this morning, I felt different, a little less tense and jittery. Maybe it was the fact that Alice and I were on the mends of our friendship.

Edward had decided that we would all hang out like we used to just Jasper, Alice, Edward and myself. As I heard the loud beep I ran downstairs, kissed Charlie and headed out.

As I stepped outside the doorway a beautiful, cool breeze awoken me, I felt at peace, like my life would finally have meaning and would get better.

"Hey", I grinned at everyone as I hopped in the car.

"Hey Ali" I stated looking at her; she glanced my way and nodded her head.

I guess this is what she meant when she said baby steps.

I stared at the scenery; things were a little awkward in the back with Alice barely acknowledging I was there. She had her iPod in and her head rested against the door. She looked peaceful, pleasant and slightly serene.

I was starting to notice that Alice was not her chirper, bubbly self and that made me worry.

She was wearing black leggings with a rose top and a cute pink cardigan. Her hair was slightly curled and pinned back. If you looked closely at her you could tell she was wearing makeup, however it looked as if that was her natural beauty. She had a bracelet with her name on it that Esme had given her. It was then I noticed that she was not wearing the gold chain.

Flashback

"_Oh Bella, look at those aren't they beautiful" Alice gushed whilst dragging me into a jewellery store._

"_Alice, please not another jewellery shop" I winged to try and get her attention._

_She ignored my desperate pleas of leaving and pulled me over to this stand._

"_I have an idea", she beamed at me in delight. I nodded indicating that I was listening to her._

"_We should buy each other a friendship chain, one with A and the other with B", she smiled._

_I nodded and we surprised each other with non-matching bracelets. _

Never had Alice taken that off, I knew because she slept with it, showered with it and everything. I always wore mine. This really saddened me was she starting to give up on our friendship? Is sighed this was going to be a long drive; we were heading to a beach that was 2 hours away. I couldn't help but think about how Alice took off that bracelet my eyes kept wandering to her wrist. She suddenly realised I was looking her way.

"What?" she asked surprisingly.

"It's nothing", I stated staring at the floor.

"I know you're lying, but whatever", she replied and put her earphones back in.

I glanced at Edward in the driver seat, he looked up at me and smiled, however I couldn't smile back. Instead I just lay back in the chair and closed my eyes.

"Okay, food break", Edward announced whilst the turning his Volvo off.

Edward and Jasper almost bolted right through to McDonalds, boys and their stomachs I smiled to myself. I got out of the car and waited for Alice she just walked straight ahead and left me standing there. I felt like an idiot, it was like she did not even want to give our friendship another chance.

I grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

"Hey, what is up?" I questioned, clearly confused.

"Nothing. Now can we eat?" she asked.

"Look Alice, I do not know what is going on here, but it's like you don't even want to give our friendship a second chance" I stated.

"I said baby steps. It will take time, we are not going to be best friends after a day, you of all people should know that", she stated clearly annoyed and huffed through to McDonalds leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

I saw Edward and Jasper and decided to sit with Edward to give Alice some space.

"Hey", Edward whispered. It tickled my neck and I laughed.

Every time I was with him, it was like there was this instant sense of peace and satisfaction. I always felt safe and secure near him and I liked that. My mind started to drift to the future, what would I do when Edward left for College next year, I would not have that one person to completely lie on for company nor for help and this saddened me greatly.

I wasn't even that hungry I decided to have a chocolate thick shake. My stomach kept on turning and winding. I was worried about my mother, she was in hospital and I was scared anything could happen to her, but I could not think this way, I blocked those thoughts from coming into my head.

I nudged Edward as we got up and put our rubbish in the bin.

"Can I please sit next to you", I asked.

Edward nodded and then looked at me questioningly.

"Edward, it's like she doesn't even want me here. She hasn't even said two words to me.", I sighed defeatingly.

"Look just give her time", he pleaded with me with those emerald orbs.

And who was I to say no to that; I would do anything for the amazing best friend of mine.

As we got to the beach Jasper ran down to the sand screaming "surfs up", I giggled and glanced at Alice. She was smiling at Jasper. It was so nice to see her so happy with him, they are perfect for each other. They were completely opposite in some ways, but I guess that's what attracted them to each other in the first place, after all don't people say opposites attract.

I decided to sit on the towel and watch the boys surf for a while. The weather was beautiful, not too cold and not too hot.

I looked up and Alice was standing there, I knew she was contemplating whether or not to sit down next to me.

"You can sit you know. I won't bite", I stated humourlessly. Hoping it would ease the air between us.

We sat in silence for about ten minutes and then Alice turned and faced me; she was lying on her stomach.

"I just really want to know why you would completely push away the people you care about mostly", she questioned with her eyebrows raised.

I sighed "I just thought... I don't even know Alice. I was angry, and confused. It was like all that mattered that moment was my mother and the fear was eating inside of me, what if I lost her, what would happen."

"Look I do get that, but you do have to see my point. You did not only hurt me, you hurt Edward and my dad. I mean imagine how I feel. It's like my family is crumbling down and there is only one person I can blame for that", she stared at the boys surfing.

"Alice, I am so sorry, I truly am. You know it wasn't my intention"

"It still happened" she sighed.

"You know that my family means everything to me, especially Edward. After all he is been through, he needs stability and the best life he can have possible." The tears slid down her face.

"To be honest Bella, I am scared that if I let you in completely and you have another one of those outbursts, what can I do? I cannot keep being collateral damage", she whispered shakily and walked off.

Those words really pierced into my heart, is that how she viewed herself? Wow I had really screwed things up with her. Alice was carrying a lot of burden on her shoulders and this was my entire fault. I placed my hands in my head and sighed.

Edward ran up to me

"Hey, is everything alright between you two", he asked.

"Yeah we did some talking" I stated.

"And" Jasper questioned.

"Well, looks like your girlfriend is in a really fragile position because of me", I sighed whilst I played with my bracelet.

"It will get better" Edward stated reassuringly.

I just wished that I could believe those words, usually I had no trouble believing him, but now I really did not know if he was trying to make me feel better or truly believed that.

After the beach Edward dropped me off to the hospital so that I could spend some time with my mother.

Every single time I walk through the hospital ward I feel anxious and scared. Before I entered my mother's room I took a deep, shakily breath and pushed through the doors.

My mother was lying there so lifeless; she looked the same as yesterday. As I walked in I saw the nurse on the side getting my mother's food ready. I sat motionless just watching the nurse force feed my mother.

It pained me to see my mother being unable to perform daily activities. Tears flew down my cheeks as I thought about how difficult it must be for my mother. Carlisle told me that all my mother could do was hear me, he did not know if she could even feel me.

As soon as the nurse left. I sat on the edge of the bed just watching my mother and holding her hand.

"Mum, if you can hear me I just want you to know how much I love you and care about you. I am sorry for all the hardship I put you through, but please I can't lose you, fight for this, you are strong. I need you, without you I am nothing", I squeezed her hand tightly hoping for some sort of reaction but nothing.

I laid my head next to hers and held her hand tightly next to my heart. I felt at peace, my mother was with me, even if she couldn't talk, that's all I needed for her to be here.

"Mum, things are so difficult at the moment and you are the only person I can talk to you. Alice is incredibly mad at me for blowing up and pushing her, Edward and her family completely away, when all they did was be there for me. I don't even know what to do, Edward forgave me, but I feel as though he is hiding the pain and Alice, well she is completely disappointed and angry at what I have done"

"Mum, I need you more than ever right now. Fight this, please I need you, Charlie needs you. We all need you to respond, please mum."

"I love you", I gently turned my face so I was facing her and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, please wake up", I whispered in her ear.

I sat on the bed just staring at how weak and vulnerable my mother looked, she was never like that before, she was a strong willed woman, she always got what she wanted, she fought for what she believed in. so why now did she looks so miniscule and fragile to me.

I was holding my mother's hand when all of a sudden these alarms started to beep and I glanced at the machine located next to my mother and I realised something was happening. I thought maybe she was waking up, however when these got louder I jumped, startled and frightened and ran down the ward to find a nurse.

"Help, someone help please. It's my mother", I screamed with fear and panic.

Within seconds there were nurses and doctors surrounded by my mother. I slipped into the room, without the doctors knowing. I had to know that my mother was okay, she would pull through this, and after all she could hear me that should make a difference right?

The doctors and nurses were talking medicinal language and I couldn't understand what was going on, all I could see was that there were machines on my mother and doctors were fidling with cords and needles.

I stood there motionless, unresponsive and starting at my mother. In my head I chanted 'please mum fight this'. As I watched the doctors place various cords and machines on my mother's wrist and heart the tears slid down my face. My mother was hurting, I could see it. All these machines, buttons and needles stuck in her. Inside I was screaming, I felt dizzy. My mother had to get through this. My stomach was churning and turning around doing belly flops. I could feel bile rise in my throat, I was anxious, my body was producing all these various signs, but I ignored them. I started intently at my mother and the doctors.

The doctors and nurses were hushed and I could barely hear what they were saying and then I heard

"Time of death 8:20pm".

This had to be some cruel joke, this was not happening my mother was not dead, she could not be. My body was rocking back and forth and a screamed so loud, I am sure my ear drums would have blown if it wasn't for the fact that I had just heard what I heard.

"No, NO, NO", I screamed in agony. I pinched myself praying this was a nightmare.

"Wake up I screamed"

"WAKE UP BELLA"

All of a sudden my breath heightened and I felt my lungs constrict.

I ran to her side "Mum you are not dead, please wake up" I shouted.

The tears were everywhere all over her. I shook her, "Mum don't do this to me no", I shouted louder.

My body was racked with fear; my feet felt like jelly, everything was spinning way to fast.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, I tried to but I couldn't. There were doctors trying to pull me away. I pushed one out of the way and even attempted to kick one. They left me alone, in that white room with her.

"NO MUM", I screamed and collapsed onto her.

"NO, NO, NO" and then my body racked with sobs.

**AN: Please don't hate me Renee did have to die; it was the plot of the story from the beginning. You may not think this is emotive, but right now Bella is in denial. If someone dies it doesn't really stick in your head the minute you hear about it, it takes time for it to process. Anyways I know I left this story for a really long time and I have probably lost most of my reviewers, but if you are still reading I would really appreciate if you do review it helps with the writing process.**


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